Monday, 31 August 2009


We have it on good authority that commercial fishing interests are considering a legal challenge over Mataitai. These are supposed to be small discreet areas set aside for customary harvest for Maori. Maori have the management authority over these marine areas.

There are two issues. the Mataitai are not so discreet - the areas applied for are getting much larger than the " feed " areas they were originally designed for.

Secondly, there is a groundswell of opinion in the fisheries legal ranks that the legislation has been wrongly interpreted by Maori and that they cannot exclude commercial fishing.

If what we are hearing is correct then we could see a shit fight that is as big as the Foreshore and Seabed debate.


We know that a few sub editors would love to get hold of Busted Blonde and strangle her for showing the English language such disrespect. We knew that our disregard of the apostrophe irks some of our senior readers and they are not too fond of our bad language either.
But we have decided that we might try and clean up our act a bit after we got a signed copy of Your Joking by Mary Mountier, the lovely wife of the irascible Garry Ward.

It really is a very good, well written mini tome on punctuation.

It was given to us by Spaz, who is a bit of a pedant which is odd because he is an Aussie.

So we are taking the hint. We are going to try and get our apostrophe's right now.


Pacific Catch Was the retail seafood arm for Ngai Tahu. Apparently it has all but been sold. It was seen as a way for the tribe to grow the domestic market.. there was huge speculation at the time they purchased it that it was not a good buy. Sources say it used to turn over about $7 million - Ngai Tahu managed to reduce that to $4 million.

Read the strategy on page 54 of the Ngai Tahu Annual report

To say it in the process of being sold for a song would be an understatement and the dreams we all had of Ngai Tahu becoming a Talleys or a Sanfords are all but gone. Ngai Tahu has become a quota commodity trader with inshore species being leased out to Talleys.

This year will be a pivotal one for Ngai Tahu. There are elections and we will either see a change of the old guard or a new direction. Time will tell.

Ngai Tahu Shareholders, Marty Mars and we here at Roarprawn are looking to jointly report on the election process. We all hold different views. However, we all agree that there is huge interest among Ngai Tahu shareholders for more information about this watershed year. So combined we will keep you abreast of what is happening. We will offer you our very different opinions on events and we want you to add yours.

So stay tuned .....

Sunday, 30 August 2009


We hope it is not true but we fear it is. Citron is to go. It has been a stunning little haven of gastronomic delights lovingly tended by the big guy Rex Morgan. a man who has the admiration of the industry. Apparently he is off to rule the kitchen at Boulcott St Bistro. Phew.....

And in other Wellington Bar news - St Johns has apparently been sold.. bugger, We hope the chef stays and Portofino now has a liquor licence.

We also lunched at Trade Kitchen last week - it was outstanding - we had meatloaf.. moist and tasty it was.

This morning we had brunch at Mecca in the Chancery in Auckland... superb it was.

Saturday, 29 August 2009


We like to photograph things from time to time and a mate of ours, who once was a good scribe, is also a lover of the digital still art medium. He has been wandering around town in search of architecturally interesting features and he spied a good 'un in Pipitea Plaza. there was a bit of scaffolding ona new building which added to the angular interest.

He was doing the arty snapper thing when he was approached by a very polite but very insistent bloke who told him he could not take any pics " because it was a government building."

Well says the just as insistent amateur snapper, "I have worked in government buildings and there were no rules on taking pictures of them"

"Sorry" says the insistent security chappy. "You can't take pics of this one and please delete all the ones you have already taken . "

Mate thought this was very odd but he desisted.

Now we are all in favour of our government keeping there ears and eyes on terrorists but bugger me, a few pics of the architecturally interesting office block owned by some very nice Maori fellas is a bit over the top...

Friday, 28 August 2009


We are watching with interest the builders on Garrett Street on the site of the kiddies dry bar ZEAL . Its about to go all grown up. We are expecting the TAB to close on Cuba, be housed in the old Zeal site along with a good old fashioned pub feel sports type bar. But wait theres more, A lounge area, complete with comfy sofas and a cocktail atmosphere means the place will be a hit with the eclectic Cuba Street Crowd.

The soon to be opened pub ( yet to be named) will face the wonderful Glovers Park. There are also rumours of another bar in the neighourhood.

Thursday, 27 August 2009


We blogged on Tau Henare's weird outburst over Rodney and the Super City Maori seats. At first he was very belligerent... and cocky...

But as the realisation set inabout the ramifications of his ouburst, and he had time to reflect, he ate humble pie in a very public way on Facebook..

He gets the thumbs up from us for that...

This is from Facebook...

Tau Henare
Well what a day and it aint over yet. Maybe my comments yesterday were unhelpful and on reflection i made the mistake of putting myself ahead of the issue. It aint about me. Time to move on and deal with the other issues. Tell you what, theres nothin...g better than using the night time to reflect on the days happenings. Ah well, peace be with you all.Read more

Yesterday at 16:02 · ·


All eyes in Parliament are on the journalists employed by the three Fairfax mastheads, the DomPost, Sunday Star Times and the Christchurch Press. Fairfax is to chuck them all in one room in the Gallery and appoint a bureau chief from among the current staff- or possibly appoint from outside the organisation.

The days of serious competition between the Dead Tree Press papers will undoubtedly disappear.

The reasonably recently arrived Aussie scribe who took up the political editorship at the Sunday Star Times is apparently seriously miffed at the change in circumstances which means he may lose some status in the musical chairs game that's about to play out.

Apparently there is a book running in the round house on who is the front runner is of the two main contenders - Tracy Watkins of the DomPost and the ginga from Christchurch Colin Espiner. The good money is on Espiner who is a good mate of Paul Thompson, Group Executive Editor, one of the favoured few in the Fairfax managerial stable.

A parliamentary insider reckon the reshuffle wont make bugger all difference to the quality of the column inches produced by Fairfax. Apparently, corridor stops - designed to get quick sound bites to populate ever hungry online new sites are now the staple for parliamentary journalists. No real investigation, no having deep and meaningfuls with Minsters and MP's and bugger all OIA's. They just follow up on the ones the opposition churn out.

Sad Really.

No doubt this will all be a hot topic at the impending nuptials of the old southern media curmudgeon Barry Soper and his youthful bride Heather du Plessis - Allan.

Wednesday, 26 August 2009


We support anyone who wants to legalise bottom patting. We like our bottom being patted... Really - we do. True.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009


Sorry its a headline looking for a story......Judging by the TV news coverage Tau, has come out the skirmish with Rodney, looking like a pillock. Its highly unlikely he will ever see the inside of cabinet.

UPDATE: slapdown - Cactus Kate puts smokin Tau on the mat.




We have been watching the very public spat between self proclaimed Westie boy Tau Henare and Rodney Hide.

Now if you like Rodney's play on the Auckland seats or not, you cant help but admire his courage in laying it on the line - he is principled and that makes him a man to admire.

However we are very unimpressed by Tau Henare's posturing
. We want to know what he has done that makes him someone we should admire. What has he done for Maori ? Bugger all from what we can see. He isn't principled enough to walk away on an issue that must gall him.
And today, to top it all off we saw him standing outside Bowen House looking all belligerent.

But that's not the thing that really pissed us off. No he was smoking. Looking like a Pall Mall pin up boy. . Having a fag where everyone could see him. Engaging in the one foul practice that kills more of his kin than anything else.

Maori seats on Auckland Super City will not save the lives of any Maori but good role models that kids can look up to , will go a long way from dissuading a generation of impressionable tamariki from taking up the habit that will shorten their life span.

Shame on you Tau, get your shit together and be the man that everyone can admire. Do something for yourself and you will do something good for your people that will make a difference.

Monday, 24 August 2009


We keep an eye on the budding scribes over at Newswire and we were delighted to see this story which we think is a really great idea. they have plotted all the free food trees, shrubs etc in the Wellington Environs on a map. Bewdy!

View Larger Map

However they have missed the walnut tree at the back of Il Bordello the brothel!

Sunday, 23 August 2009


We are huge fans of the Masterton Sunday morning flea market. They have a organic farmers market on the Saturday and its great but bloody pricey. If you want a jar of jam or pickles from the Saturday food fest then you will pay $6 bucks. On Sunday some sweet little grannies sell stuff at $2-3 a jar.. So we always buy a few bikkies, plants, as they are dirt cheap, and then there is the car boot stuff - its a whole other world.

There are a few regular traders but mostly its lean pickings.

This morning there was a lovely woman who had some stuff that was a cut above some of the vinyl and lace clothes, tired shoes and kitchen tat that is spread out on old blankets by forlorn people trying to get a buck for crap.

Anyway we were squizzing at some of her stuff when, what was obviously her mum says,
"She has some lovely stuff you know - its such a shame."
I say " yep she does I want that wrought iron ceiling pot hanger,"

Daughter says - " Its thirty dollars"

Mother lets out a wail-

"Oh that is such a bargain - it used to look so lovely when she had the big house and big kitchen but now she only has a small kitchen,"she tells me....
Daughter gives me a sickly smile - stares daggers at her Ma.

I hope she uses the money i gave her to buy some duct tape to plaster over the old biddys gob.

Anyway - next up was a old truck with a very old pretty dilapidated set of drawers on the back.. They were black with age and splattered with bird shit.

They asked $90 - I got them for $75. The girl told she was selling stuff so she could register her car as she had a wee baby and needed to get around.

Anyway-- we got to the Block and cleaned down the chest of drawers - it was what I suspected - Kauri... It cleaned up wonderfully.
A good day.


We have been watching the country, in not so subtle terms say via the referendum, that they do not like the anti smacking legislation. Neither do we.
The sad fact is with or without the legislation kids will still be killed.
If Key fiddles with the legislation will it fix this huge social ill. No
If it is scrapped altogether will it stop babies being killed. No
Will the shrill cry for another crack at anti smacking legislation stop children being slaughtered by the ones who are supposed to care for them and guide them on lifes journey? - No,
Will we see a sharper focus on the most at risk families? - That's what we need.

The debate about this sorry legislation should shift focus. Both sides have people who care about kids and who want a better society.

It is time for them to find a way to work together to stop the child killing that has become the nations shame.

Friday, 21 August 2009


This story had us intrigued because of the implications it may have for blogging.

The latest chapter shows that the culprit was someone the victim knew - albiet vaguely. Legal action is still being persued.

It has all the makings of a tele movie....


We were intrigued by Cactus's very good post today on the appearance of a Jenni McManus Jane Diplock story in the Independent . As usual it was a classy piece. What people forget is that it was
Cactus who first started asking some pointed questions about Diplocks overseas travel bill and the curious lack of focus the Securities commission had on its core business. Simon Power, a bloke we have come to admire, it seems, is now taking an interest. Well done Cactus.

However, it was also the readership figures of the Independent she quoted that we found particularly interesting.

Cactus is now one of the top dozen political blogs and undoubtedly the country's best female blogger and one of our best columnists in either print or on line.

She is pulling four times the audience of the ailing Independent.

Now we are back to being a part time blogger , but we too at Roarprawn are already back up to audiences that compete with the Independent. And each week that audience base just keep growing.

The battle of the dead tree press and the blogbitches rages......


We were gobsmacked when the Scottish Govt released the only terrorist convicted of the Lockerbie plane bombing.

We understand that there are sometimes grounds for compassion but this is not one of them. This was one of the most callous pre meditated mass murder events of our time.

How could the Scottish government not see that this man would be given a hero's welcome in his homeland.

He has three months to live, He can walk, he can talk, he can eat and he will continue preach the vile corrupted doctrine that his ilk live by.

While the Scottish government's move may be some misguided attempt to appear as a compassionate nation, they have not shown the same compassion to the living victims, the families who waited long years for justice, and who now see the killers of their loved ones laugh in the face of all good people.


This headline stopped us in our tracks. Had the mighty Whale ventured south to vent closer to the politicians who fear his blog?
Nah its wasnt him. Just some big tasty fish lazing in the sun.

Thursday, 20 August 2009


Maybe, there was an interesting yarn on Stuff today about a model, Liskula Cohen using the court get google to out a blogger who was defaming her.

It was a pretty ugly blog incident.

Stephen Franks, has a considered piece on the issue.

We reckon it is only a matter of time that defamation proceedings are bought against a blogger.


While we are doing out bit for closer economic relationships by sleeping every nite with a South Australian, we are delighted to see that it will soon be quick as - to visit Aussie.

And of course it will be easier for Aussies to visit us and that's good for tourism. It will also mean some savings at the border - and that's a good thing for both our economies. We have more in common than we have differences.

However we never ever want NZ to adopt the famed Aussie delicacy and culinary icon - the pie floater.


Wednesday, 19 August 2009


This is an excellent story about a man who stands up for his country in the face of international condemnation from lovers of charismatic mega fauna.

The Canadian prime minister is backing his country's seal harvest, as it's sustainable and traditional. He has made a public show of eating it as a measure of support for Canada's Inuit people.

It is an interesting story in light of the outrage over the dog eating incident here in NZ.

We are fully supportive of people
eating dogs. No- one is going to tell me off for eating my lambs if I want to

And yip they are really cute. But we are breeding them for food. We love seals too but if there is a sustainable population then we defend anyones right to eat them.

Down south Tim Shadbolt is killing stray dogs much t
o the chagrin of the local SPCA.

But wait! There is a solution ! Tim could sell the unwanted dogs to those who want to eat them!

Now there's a plan......

Tuesday, 18 August 2009


Get a hurry on.


The elegant and sumptuous Logan Brown has taken out the supreme award in the Cuisine Magazine NZ restaurant of the year competition.
We dined there a couple of months back among a glittering bunch with a common interest in politics.

We adored the paua ravioli, which we consider one of the most sublime dishes we have had anywhere. And the wild boar pie is a bloody good 'un.

Anyway we are delighted that yet again Wellington reigns supreme in the dining stakes.

Logan Brown fare is quintessential kiwi food done with unfailing flair and style and the emphasis is always on taste.

Al Brown and Steve Logan should get a New Years honour for services to the development of iconic kiwi food. And of course they also developed the great Hunger for the Wild programme.


Wow - there are a few gun nuts out there who are pretty pissed about the police tightening up the regs around gangsta guns..

We seriously considered printing some of the emails. There are still some pretty wacky gun worshipping wankers inhabiting some big cracks in the pavement of NZ society.

So can anyone tell me why these particular types of guns are so good and what they are good for apart from spraying a room full of Headhunters?

We are , so to speak , sticking to our guns, they should be treated as guns designed to specifically kill people.We don't have a gun licence but have grown up with them and I know how to use one to hunt food to eat.

So we continue to support the police on this one. Its a mother thing....

Monday, 17 August 2009


One thing we have noticed is the speed of change in politics. Once it was a lifetime career - but sometimes life in in the political fast lane is fleeting.

To stay abreast of the changes we face, all political parties need to ensure renewal so they must continually question if the best and brightest and those who truly represent the face of the party, are filling its ranks. That means from time to time the deadwood has to be lopped off. We think this is a question that one of the major parties might be pondering - perhaps even tonight.


And bloody good job. We are all in favour of people owning guns for sport or to hunt with, but military style weapons should not be normalised as regular and ok weapons.

According to the article in the Herald ,Inspector Joe Green, police national manager of firearms licensing and vetting, says police are requiring extra checks for these types of weapons and they have had strong support from some respected quarters.

The stricter E-class endorsement did involve more stringent checks in which police were looking for the "Rambo-type attitude", he said.

Mr Green said the process had received a positive response from the Mountain Safety Council and Deerstalkers' Association and many firearms owners were applying for the E-class endorsement.

Its is going to involve some extra paperwork and cost but that's ok with us.

Now it maybe right that this wont have stopped the likes of the Molenaar tragedy but what it will do is say that these guns are not recognised for either hunting or target shooting. they are purely for guys with wee dicks and gangsta aspirations.

Sunday, 16 August 2009


This is the sort of story that really riles us up. Some people want to eat a dog. They kill it humanely and then SPCA say its wrong - not because its cruel but because , well thats the problem - they really dont have a good reason. We cannot and should not dictate the diets of others. We have two rules when it comes to food. It should killed humanely and it should be sustainable. Thats it.

And besides dog would be a heap more healthy than mutton flaps or pickled pork.

And if the S -PC -A needs to go all PC why dont they do something about all the silly airheads who torture small dogs, getting them to wear restrictive coats and feeding them junk food ?

SPCA needs to get real.


The Tv3 poll tonight must be the deathblow for Phil Goff.

There will be a BBQ at Cunners place before the weekends out we reckon.

National is up 2.1 percent to 58.1, which gives them a commanding 72 seats in Parliament.

Labour is down 0.8 to 29.2, the Greens pick up some of that and move to 7.5 percent.

The rest make up the numbers – Act is down to 1.4 percent, the Maori party is 1.2, Winston Peters’ New Zealand First has a few diehards left at 1 percent, but Peter Dunne has even fewer – just 2 people out of 1,000 say they will vote for United Future.

In the preferred Prime Minister stakes John Key is up to 51.5, a commanding lead over New York-based Helen Clark who drops back to eight but still ahead of Phil Goff – who glides to 6.5 percent.

Everyone, despite the economic slump still has faith in our boy John.
But as for Goff -

Shit he cant even beat Clark... Rooted he is Rooted.



The sad story of Millie Elders fall from grace from P is a wake up call for all New Zealanders that we must renew any efforts to reduce this social plague on so many houses.

The saddest part of this story is not that she is facing jail or that her father is no longer talking to her, it is that she is in the thrall of the Headhunters. These arseholes have infiltrated the top end of Auckland society whose populus also thirst for this drug. In fact it is clear to see that this gang of bad bad men are now part of what would once be seen as the Auckland establishment.

Every third celebrity kid is on P and undoubtedly it is because they are being fed the drug by the gang. The gang members and their ilk are now fashionable accessories at all the best parties. They have been legitimised. And Aucklanders who have the wit, will and station should stop legitimising the Headhunters and others of their ilk by shunning them.

It is time for the police to go to war and we mean that in the most literal sense. Headhunters are little more than paedophiles preying on the young, their gratification coming from the power they have over their victims and the money they get in return for P.

These drug paedophiles should be treated the same as their sexually deviant cousins. Their drug crimes just as odious as baby rape. These crimes against some of our brightest and best strips innocence , just the same. Leaving the victims spent shells, scared forever.

If you have worked with those who have been raped and those who are under the spell of drugs you see in their eyes the face of the same ugly demon.

We want girls like Millie to grow up good. Not growing up believing that the very men who fed her the stuff that fried her brain are her saviours. We owe it to her and the growing legions of good kids to come, to stamp out the Headhunters and brand them the evil soul sucking bastards they are.

Bugger charities like Kidscan - this is the cause that New Zealand celebrities should be supporting without question. It should have been the cause for the Telethon and the Government should backed it up with tougher legislation not food parcels.

So, we want a taskforce of old gang members who have turned their backs against the old ways, Heads of Police, Social Welfare, TPK, and legislators to write rules to break the back of this growing social pestilence.

However we disagree with Paul Holmes. He should always leave the door open for his daughter. She needs to know she is still loved and she can still come home. He should, even in her darkest hour, never stop talking to her, making sure she can always find her way, as its going to be a hell of a long road for her to travel on her own with the demons on her back .


We were saddened to see that John Key had apologised to Keisha Castle Hughes using her acting ability to promote the Climate change debate. Now she has status and her flakey Greenpeace cause has more credence.

And Greenpeace should not get support from the Government.


And rightly so - There needs to be an inquiry into this. We still want to see the justification for sayin that 10,000 kids need shoes and raincoats. And what are they feeding them ? Is is healthy or low grade junk food from sponsors who see it as a marketing opportunity for their kids.

Well done the Herald for keeping the pressure on

We will too - We just think that charities need to operate with more transparency.


We have purchased these two wee dorper lambs and their mum. They are both ewes (girls). They are a cross between Dorsets and Persian sheep ( hence DorPer. They are worm resistant , mature fast, fercund, and fatten quick. So heres the challenge - what to call them?
They rule the paddock of lambs, are very bossy, and bleat a lot.

And of course if anyone has any handy hints we would be pleased to get more info.

So fire away - and the more UnPC the better. And we would like a political spin on the names , so to speak.

UPDATE - WE ARE NOT GOING TO EAT THESE GIRLS. Hell they cost as much each as a champers lunch at Euro with Cactus! They are breeders

Saturday, 15 August 2009


Here's a scandal in the making. All big ships are supposed to carry transponders which means they are tracked all the time. This one didn't have its one turned on which is illegal. And it disappeared. It may have been sighted but no one is really sure what its been up to. There is huge speculation as to why it disappeared. Pirates, mafia dispute or a commercial argument.

Anyway we will keep an eye on this intriging yarn.

Friday, 14 August 2009


Is someone looking to buy Kiwi Rail? We heard it is so.

Why do Metrolinks conductors, shovel everyone into a few carriages on the trains to the Wairarapa, leaving some empty ones then halfway thru the trip the conductors take turns at sleeping in them ?

Why does Metrolink only employ geriatric narcoleptic sociopaths as conductors?

Hasn't Dockside gone downhill?

Is everyone else proud of our SAS - who are so good at their jobs that they only get the most interesting assignments?

Would an 18kt dildo feel better than a rubbery one? And will the Saying " good as Gold" take on a new meaning?

Is Boris Hampton really an insider?

Who else is hanging out for a feed of whitebait?


Great movies we love

It was about people who were violent but eventually got their come uppance.

And this Kiwi classic about how its not okay to be violent.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009


We have just watched Close Up do a number on KidsCan - the Telethon Charity .

Its worth a watch. We are still convinced that:

  • No real needs assessment has been done. So we don't really know if 10,000 kids need shoes. And how many need raincoats that make them billboards for the All Blacks.
  • There is still no real transparency.
  • It still looks like a marketing campaign dressed up as a charity.

This is the statement that Kidscan have just released and it appears the government is also giving them some more money as well to distribute food to poor kids.

KidsCan has today responded to inaccurate commentary about the proceeds of the Big Night In Telethon on TV3 that raised around $2million to support Kiwi kids in need through the KidsCan Food for Kids, Raincoats for Kids, Shoes for Kids and StandTall programmes.

KidsCan will provide a full analysis of the money received from the Big Night In Telethon, the costs and how the proceeds will be used, as soon as possible. As you will appreciate, it will take a few weeks to work through all the financials before KidsCan is in a position to provide full and complete financial accounts.

The team at KidsCan has worked extremely hard through sponsorship negotiations to ensure that the costs of running the Big Night In Telethon were kept to an absolute minimum.

Some of the recent commentary relates to historic KidsCan accounts that were filled with the Charities Commission as is required. The Board of KidsCan wishes to provide some context and clarification.

At first sight the conclusions that some have drawn from these accounts may seem the end of the story. That may be true for some charities that simply raise money from the public, the Government or from corporate supporters and then pass that money over to other organisations to spend.

KidsCan is very different. KidsCan also delivers the various programmes and of course that requires people to do the work - and that requires funding for salaries which are determined using external advice.

KidsCan is thrilled to now see the Government recognising the importance of the KidsCan programmes by this week announcing monetary support. It does though need to be noted that this is the first Government support that KidsCan has received since being established four years ago.

All of the Government funding will go directly into the food programme as has been agreed with the Prime Minister.

Many charities in New Zealand have Government support and that obviously reduces fund-raising costs significantly. Raising funds in the current environment is extremely hard work and there are some costs associated with doing this.

That is why KidsCan wants to say another huge thank you to all the sponsors and supporters who funded almost all of the costs of putting on the Big Night In Telethon. And of course the generosity of Kiwis during the Big Night In Telethon was just amazing.

But - the single most important factor, that a simplistic focus on financial accounts misses is that KidsCan receives massive in-kind and non-cash support which it cannot account for under current charities and accounting standards law in New Zealand.

If KidsCan could (and this has been discussed with the Charities Commission) then, in fact, the proportion of total contributions to KidsCan programmes [including both in-cash and in-kind support] would have been around 60% last year.

These in-kind and non-cash donations include food, professional services, storage and transport to name but a few. If these in-kind and non-cash donations were not made, KidsCan would need to find more cash donations to pay these costs. These in-kind and non-cash donations amounted to around $760,000 in 2008.

It is also important to appreciate that a large proportion of our operational costs [including staff salaries to deliver the programmes] are met by philanthropic or charitable trust grants, not from public donations. These grants must be used for the purpose for which they were applied - for example, salaries and wages and office costs.

Our projections over the next 2-3 years indicate closer to 80% of contributions going directly into KidsCan programmes. KidsCan will be making all those figures public.

I trust that this information provides context and clarity and the Board and management of KidsCan again thanks New Zealanders for their support for the Big Night In Telethon and also the many volunteers who made this such a success.

Rick Shera Chairman KidsCan StandTall Charitable Trust

We think that this just raises way more questions than it answers.Why did the government pick this charity to give money to?


Sometimes it is important to comment on some of the wacky and emotive crap the Green party puts into the public arena.

We love Hooker Sealions. They are very cool. We also love the Seafood industry and sad as it maybe some sealions will die as we harvest seafood. We need a regime that ensures minimal deaths but ensures the seafood harvest is sustained.

Up until now the regulations have been based on spurious science and emotion. That is changing and its pissing off the Greens.

So we indulge in not fishing - but fisking..

Government leaves sea lions to fend for themselves

Press Release by Green Party at 3:42 pm, 11 Aug 2009

Today's Government decision to abandon the sea lion Population Management Plan (PMP) leaves the species high and dry, and moves them a step closer to extinction.

There is no evidence that the population is heading toward extinction under the current management regime. The PMP would have set a regime (called MALFiRM) that may not have been substantially different from the current Fishing Related Mortality Limit (FRML); MFish would still have implemented the MALFiRM, as it does the FRML.

"It is bitterly disappointing that the Government has ditched one of the best tools we have in the law to protect a threatened marine mammal like the New Zealand sea lion," said Green Party Co-leader Metiria Turei.

The sea lion PMP has limitations about what about what it can achieve; it still sets an annual limit for MFish to implement. Other statutory tools like marine mammal sanctuaries remain available in the absence of a PMP.

The Department of Conservation today announced that it has produced a 'species management plan' (a generic set of guidelines) and dropped the 'Population Management Plan' (a legal plan under the Marine Mammals Protection Act) that the public submitted on.

What a bloody good idea.

"Without a population management plan, the Government decision on how many sea lions can be 'sustainably' killed this coming season will be made under the Fisheries Act rather than our marine protection laws," said Mrs Turei.

So what? The Ministry still administers it.

"This decision shows how important it is to fix our marine protection laws, and how irresponsible it was for the National Party to vote against my recent bill to do just that."

What crap The current approach has the support of most stakeholders.

The Green Party's Marine Animal Protection Law Reform Bill was voted down by the National Party late last month sparking an outcry from environment groups.

Indeed. It was a crap piece of legislation - all rhetoric - no common sense.

"The continued decline of our sea lion shows that the marine sanctuaries and reserves around its breeding grounds are insufficient," said Mrs Turei. "We need a strong plan that will actually protect them."

What utter bullshit. Our muttonbird island is a classic example numbers have remained steady for over 20 years. And the cause of the supposed decline is unknown but is very unlikely to be caused by the direct effect of fishing. Marine reserves cannot be extended beyond the territorial sea of the Auckland Islands, and the option of extending the marine mammal sanctuary remains available under the current legislation even without a PMP. The PMP would have set a regime (MALFiRM) that would have been implemented by MAF if it considers it’s appropriate after looking at all relevant factors.

"Sea lion mums killed at sea result in pups onshore being left to starve when mum doesn't return."

Yup, sometimes, its ugly to watch but thats life and death. and remember deaths at sea can occur as a result of natural events, not just fishing. Whales are a main predator.

72 sea lions were presumed killed by the fishery at the close of the 2008/9 fishing season.

True they are presumed killed, but almost certainly a vast overestimation of actual deaths. During the heaviest part of the squid fishing season over 50% of boats carried official observers. Only four sea lion deaths were reported (two by boats carrying observers and two by boats that weren’t carrying observers). So the extrapolation of figures is the absolute worst case scenario laced with a good dollop of emotive crapola.

The New Zealand sea lion was declared a threatened species under the Marine Mammals Protection Act in 1997. It is the rarest sea lion in the world.

Give us a break. It was always a small discrete population. Its at the top of the food chain and there is never huge populations of anything at the top of the food chain - marine biology 101.

Natural vulnerability to disease is amplified by sea lions killed in interactions with fishing vessels. It is estimate that 700 adults have been killed by Sub-Antarctic squid trawlers in the past decade.

The 700 estimate may be about right assuming 70 per year, but that of course is 70 assumed deaths under the FRML – remember that with significant observation of the fishery this year only four sea lion deaths were actually confirmed, two on observed boats and two reported by unobserved boats.

In the absence of a Population Management Plan, fishing-related deaths of sea lions will be managed by the Ministry of Fisheries, leaving the Department of Conservation to manage other aspects under a weak non-statutory plan.

True, but a classic straw man statement: nothing has changed; whatever the regime it would have been managed by the Ministry of Fisheries. so we reckon all in all a good move by the government. Rational and reasonable. - a far cry from the emotive driven legislation we have seen in the past decade.


Finally some good probing investigation - by another blogger, sheds some truth on the bullshit that is Kidscan and the Telethon .

We were one of the first - if not the first to start asking questions.

Tuesday, 11 August 2009


Now we have been keeping a watching brief on all the whingy whining about MP's lives and how tough it is. Sure its not easy. But they have a choice. These guys have a choice too. I leave it up to you to decide who really has the tough job.

Here's an extract from Captains Blog about life on the southern briny.

There are some days you would rather not be here. Today we have a Southerly storm blowing 50kts and 8meter seas with sleet and snow straight off the pack ice. We know, from satellite images, that the winter pack ice is now only 200 mile to the South of us.

The air temp is -8 outside and water temp 0.

Crew in the hauling room have to rotate every 2 hours so they can thaw out with hot coffee and get dry gloves before going back on deck to finish their shift.

On the bridge it gets difficult for the driver to see through the icy windows and keep the ship on the line without letting too many big buggers (waves) pore in on top of the hauling crew.

Sam, the observer, is doing his line observations for this line from inside today. Meanwhile, in the factory and hook room, the rest of the crew are getting on with their jobs while holding on with one hand as the ship rocks, pitchers and rolls through another rough day.


It's smart audacious, funny, and uniting. It is a chance for the community to make an impact on big business. Getting the Unions Federated Farmers and commercial interests and Maori on the same page and in the same tent is a stroke of genius. Its all over the media and already 3000 people have signed up.

Hooton Genius...

Finally we may get some mobile phone rates that are in line with the rest of the world. Go 2 Degrees!

Monday, 10 August 2009


Cactus has done a great piss take of Auckland's young loverlies who have been featured in the NZ Herald as NOW girls.

We are a WAS girl. WAS cool once now just wrinkly, grumpy and loving every moment.

So if we were asked the same questions as the NOW girls - what would be the answers. ?

Age: 49 and fucking fabulous

What she does: Blogger, mother, public servant and company director.

Career highlights: Teaching inmates how to put on condoms. Holding the Southern steinlager sculling title.

Future plans: Replace David Garrett in Parliament - go on Rodney you know I would back you up and I wouldn't trip over my tongue like that misogynistic arrogant git.

Creative Ethos. Take it to the limit and when you get there - gloat.

Creative goals: Never ever, ever be predictable except for the days we dine at Zicos and we always have fish, or at Tulsis where we always have butter chicken kiwi hot.

Anything else you want to do? Eat at Tetsuyas . and Rick Steins. Have all my mates turn up for my 50th next year on Stewart Island and drink the place dry and dine on crayfish, oysters and paua for the whole weekend. Drink more Christal bubbles. Still be able to laugh like a hyena when I'm seventy without wetting my nana knickers.

Her style: Fat chick velvet glam with lots of fur trim and sensible shoes. ( Apart from our prada sandals. )


This is the lie that has led thousands of kiwis to put their hands in their pocket and give to a charity. We think that there should be an inquiry. Advertising Standards would be a bloody good place to start.


Well we think so. We love their site. You can easily find all sorts of interesting shit about people for a minimal cost and they make registering as a company, and all the stuff you have to do really easy. And now we have just learnt that they have a blog.

This is great stuff. We hope more govt departments set up something similar..


This is a good decision. Willy Apiata gave the reason for the country to be proud of its crack troops and an understanding of the type of combat they were involved in.

We are proud we have a government who understands how good these men are and acknowledges that they have a part to play in this ugly ugly war on terrorism in one of the more complex battelfields in the world.


The British parliament has taken a body blow over the moat and moles allowance scandal.
Now it appears there is going to be a mass exodus with an expected 200 of of the approx 650 MP's expected to go back to civvy street. The biggest clean out is expected to come from Labour.
Most MP's wont leave till after the next election so that they can maximise their exit packages.
Last Supper for the troughers we suppose....

Sunday, 9 August 2009


Its good to see hard work pay off and the opening of the Te Waipounamu Maori Heritage Centre on the West Coast is an example of just that. It is a great centre and has a superb website that is well linked into the tourism sector. We wish Ngati Waewae the best.


This weekend was a cracker. We had cloudless days and this is the view of our backyard.

We planted 33 large trees. sequoia, elms, Robinia, maples and some Camellia, a couple of gooseberry bushes and some ake ake.

We ache all over. But its a good ache. Now we are wending our way home on the Wairarapa train- its is dusk and the fog has ribboned its way around the hills, the sun has set and all is good with our world.


Collins is getting tough on gangs. Good - bout time someone did. And this is something we have more than a passing interest in

This is going to take the efforts of the whole community and it will require a multi agency approach. This is not just an issue for police and corrections - its also about Social Welfare, Maori and Pacific Island Affairs among others. It is time for zero tolerance. And it is time to really focus on P - We have witnessed its ravages and nothing we have ever seen turns sane people into lunatics in such a ferocious way.

So we are delighted to see Collins take a tough stand, she maybe the first Minister to make a real difference.


We blogged on the TV3 kids Can charity yesterday - we smell PR all over this one. And bugger me we buy the Sunday Star Times and Michael Laws has the same sense of unease.

Good on him , we hope there is more scrutiny of this event...

UPDATE :And there is - Keeping Stock joins the fray.

Saturday, 8 August 2009


Our mate David Farrar has been having a nosebag courtesy of Ngai Tahu. He told me in passing earlier this week that he was a guest of the PR firm that Mark Solomon hires to write all his stuff at the Wellington Chamber of Commerce celeb breakfast this week.

Its a common enough ploy of PR people to invite influential people to enjoy their hospitality. Been there and done that.

I think I suggested to David that he was dining with Ngai Tahu's spinners far too often and they were wanting to take advantage of his position as a serious media influencer. I think I was pretty rude ( actually I was ) but he took it in good grace. My position on Solomon is well documented and David accepts my right to have a differing opinion. I like that in a person.

I think, for the sake of the tribe that Solomon must go.

However it appears for a plate of Bacon and Eggs with some OJ on the side, David has succumbed yet again to the web that was woven by Team Solomon and is happy to sing the praises of Mark.

Its a shame really. A shame that better analysis and probing is not applied to the Ngai Tahu machine.

Solomon is like Helen Clark - he has past his Use By Date. Only difference is Clark was the brains behind the speeches and policy she made.

Solomon, on the other hand relies on the wit and wisdom of others. That does not an inspiring leader make.


Remember this story about our car being stolen and the subsequent police ineptitude that meant that it was left to us to access the gangs, via our old connections, to track down the car and get it back.

We have just heard on the kumara vine that the fella from the Wairarapa who stole it has been in a bit of bother.

These days he no longer wears a patch. Apparently he was sporting a few bruises a while back as well. We didn't ask for that to happen nor do we condone it. It is probably less related to the theft of our car and more related to the subsequent events.

But neither will we lose any sleep over the fact that he no longer can call himself a member of a gang. So in the end - the one thing that he values more than anything else has been taken from him.

That is a good thing.


Tonight everyone is expected to be glued to TV3 for what is being billed as an old style Telethon.
Okay we get that. Here's the blurb on the charity

Your support of KidsCan is invaluable and we are looking forward to an incredible weekend on Saturday August 8th and Sunday August 9th for the Big Night In, Telethon screening on TV3. The money raised over the 23 hours of Telethon will go towards supporting the 153 schools on the waiting list for help from KidsCan Stand Tall.

The children at these schools are in urgent need of our raincoats, shoes and food programmes.

However all the bill boards we have seen have centred on giving kids shoes.

Well bugger me - we spent our entire childhood trying not to wear shoes.

So whats that about?

Anyway KidsCan seems, on the face of it to be a worthy charity that aims to look after poor kids - but burrow down into their website and you get a sense of a purpose built vehicle to give some marketing types a job - ( all the trustees are marketers) and to promote the All Blacks

Are we just a wee bit cynical perhaps?

Now if kids in the far north like their new coats that make them walking talking billboards for the All Blacks then all and good but how much do the trustees make and how much money goes to the kids compared to what it costs to run KidsCan?


Clark is turning into a whinging whiny old woman. First she reckons that it was out of pure " vindictiveness that the Nats have pulled back on her " sustainability agenda." We now see pragmatism instead of dogma underpinning NZ's approach to climate change sustainability etc and we are glad of it.

Then in the wholly sycophantic piece by Tracy Watkins,
we see her whinge about the decrease in funding levels for aid mismanaged by the UN. Clark would do well to remember that she is parked up in one of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the world in an organisation that has written the book on bureaucratic corruption. The easiest way to ensure that poor people get what they need is to ensure that the organisation she works for cleans up its very dirty act. And for the record - how many tonnes of carbon has she racked up flying here there and everywhere to see how poor people live. A click of the button on a computer with a decent broadband should show her well enough.
Doesnt she have enough minnions to tell her?

So what is the carbon chomping airfare budget of Ms Clark and what is she doing to reduce the costs of the gold plated corrupt organisation she work for?

She is quoted as saying she had " one big job left in her."

Its a job in a big organisation - not a big job. And not one that will make a wit of difference to poor people around the world.

And by the way - who paid for watkins jaunt to the UN?

Friday, 7 August 2009


So who is the dirty young boy who is singing the carnal praises of a certain young lass who likes to fraternise on her famous dads kitchen table?

Is this the first political miscegenation case of the new term?

We say shame on the boy who talks. We have Prior knowledge of his dirty deed and we will spill all if he doesnt shut his gob and his flies.

We want to ensure that this RD postman only comes once.

Thursday, 6 August 2009



He might be near naked but he is still a runty Russkie.

However we think he would be serious competition with Clayton Weatherston as the archetypal Narcissist.

Its definitely all about him.

Hat tip Theodores World


Who is the Nigel no mates who is launching a vanity publication at the Embassy? Apparently he is giving away tickets to people he barely knows in the hopes he fills the venue up.
We wonder who is paying the bill.

On a positive note CrazyHorse steakhouse has been bought by a family who have enormous expertise in running successful money making restaurants.

We will go there.


Well a flash anyway... Our Courtenay Place snoop has contacted us outraged that Blanket Man is going Commando again. Sans jocks or G string. Hairy cajones for all to see and because his most favoured pose is legs crossed - you cant really miss the awful sight of two shriveled nuts on the vine in the hairy jungle.

We thought it was part of his probation that he ensure his goolies stay dressed. Has his parole expired or are police happy to let the human eyesore do what he wants?

Wednesday, 5 August 2009


It appears all sorts is happening in a bid to get the Maranui cafe back on coffee grounds after it was burnt to a crisp last week.

Heres a fundraiser that wont be painful.

Hat tip to the guys and gals at Texture.


Karl Du Fresne shares a speech about his views on the future of the internet. Its good food for thought. We have also been watching the issue closely.

For quite some time really

Karls piece is very good - its worth more than a scan.


We were delighted to read Keys great put down of Keisha Castle - Hughes to " stick to acting"

Finally someone who has the guts to tell people whose only attributes are based on their impersonation skills, that they are not authorities on weighty matters of state.
Now Keisha, bless her little cotton undies, seems to be a lovely girl who cares for the planet and that is a good thing but that does not give her the right to ponce around like some understudy diva and demand an audience with the Prime Minister.

She needs to learn some manners and humility and spend some time doing some serious analysis of all the facts. Then she will realise that what she is proposing makes her look like a complete airhead.

And we note that Sainsbury has her as a guest on Close Up tonight. We will watch and take the piss...

UPDATE - we just watched and winced .

Lordy - she is sweet, she is a loving mum, she can act but she will never ever be a rocket scientist. And if she expelled less hot air she would do the planet a real favour.