A woman gets rushed to hospital with a heart attack and on the operating table she has a near death experience. She see the light in the distance and there stands God.
"Bugger me" she says. "I'm dead."
"Nah sorry" says God, "you are not. I have decided that you aren't ready to come and join us in heaven yet."
" Really! How long have I got? she asks.
"Oh, 43 years and 62 days" says God..
The woman soon regains consciousness.
And she decides that she is going to make the rest of her life the best it can be.
So she books herself in to the clinic and spa next door and gets a facelift, tummy tuck, full liposuction, teeth whitened, butt and tit lift. She gets her hair done and new nails. finally she is ready to leave. She walks out the door and heads across the crossing and gets wiped out by a bus.
She finds herself back in heaven .
"Shit God," she says -" you bloody lied to me! you said I had 43 years and 62 days to live. "
"You did," said God.
"So what happened?" the woman asked.
"I didn't recognise you....."
The church was three weeks away from securing a eight-hectare plot "in the heart" of South Auckland, TV3 News reported.
Plans for the city include a 5000-seat church, maraes, medical centres and schools -- eliminating the need for residents to ever leave.
"Every child of every member of this church will never go to a state school again," Mr Tamaki said.
He urged the church's 7000-plus members to sell their homes and move to his city "for the purpose of God".
Excellent - the idea of all these extreme god botherers who preach intolerance being walled off from the rest of the world is bloody fantastic. Enough of this vile man masquerading as a messenger of God . What utter bullshit. He leads a perverted cult out to make money from desperate needy people.
So i propose everyone else in NZ should buy a brick or a roll of razor wire to ensure the buggers never get out.
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