Tuesday 30 December 2008


Dads birthday falls on Boxing day - this year sis and I decided to give him an introductory helicopter flight with his instructor grandson who works for Helipro.
We left Rangitumau and headed over the hills to Paraparaumu. We decided to take the hairaising but stunningly scenic Akatarawa route. Don't ever attempt it if you suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

Anyway Dad, 73, was up and away within minutes of us getting to the Paraparaumu airport. They flew over Kapiti Island and watched a school of tuna. Dad flew the helicopter by himself.

He has flown in helicopters hundreds of times but never with his grandson and he has never had the opportunity to fly himself. We took the more sedate Heywoods Road back across the divide and Dad grinned the whole way home. It was one of those days that will be indelibly stamped on the family's collective memory.

Monday 29 December 2008

doggy xmas stocking thriller

We had a a great xmas at Rangitumau and everyone seemed pretty chuffed with their gifts. Expecially dad who gets to ride in a helicopter with his grandson, but the best pressy was $4.95 of squeaky Helen Clark toy for my son and his partner's French mastiff, (dogue de bordeaux) sooky dog Zeus. He is very ugly but in an appealing kinda way. The breed was made famous in the Tom Hanks movie Turner and Hooch. He looks really really scary but he is a big wus. Anyway he spent 3 days rogering the toy. What surprised us all was its durabilty. After three days it still squeaked.

Tuesday 23 December 2008


Word on the wharf is Dockside has been sold, apparently everyone was saying so - no-one was confirming but it would come as no surprise. Something to do with Palmerston North connections. We know no more.

But the best news is Wellingtons best up and coming publican Dermot Murphy ex Black Harp now publican -owner of the delightful D4, and latterly the Establishment up the top end of Courtney Place, has added Copita to his collection of good Wellington places to eat and drink. It is to be renamed Koi - and will be a fusion of Japanese and Kiwi kai.

Nice Dermot, very nice.




Monday 22 December 2008

maori rugby - answer lies within

After a lengthy contemplation of my blog earlier this week about the criminal abandonment of Maori rugby by the New Zealand Rugby Union, cousin Rugby Prawn was working all night on a "correcting mechanism." heres what he said.

It's straight forward really. Who needs the NZRFU and the never-really-accountable Steve Tew? In the complex mechanism which is Maoridom there are plenty of vehicles to get behind a national Maori rugby team. You need an administration, organisation, funding, a coaching capacity, and of course, selectors. To bring together this compex formula, who better than the Maori Trustee, John Paki. The Trustee is far more at home at rugby than even the marae! He has a strong administration background, instant access to all iwi, close liaison with potential sponsors (perhaps the national fishing industry, now chiefly owned by Maori) and potention organisers (perhaps TOKM, his own office and officials, the much-under utilised Hui Taumata or even the national Maori group which hosted the PM last week!) Now, for top player availability they will need to take into account All Black committments and probably the Super 14. They can easily ignore the Air New Zealand championship. With these limitations it would be quite simple to gather the Maori All Blacks in Auckland (no stadium ready) or Wellington to play the top Samoan team. Properly marketed (with great Maori support) they could fill a stadium, stamp their own brand on the sport and not be pathetically reliant on the NZRU, its outdated operations and theories! Who knows, if the new organisation shows real initiative it could host a Pacific Festival or Rugby. "But we are in a international depression, there is no money, Steve Tew said so!" Well think for just a moment! There is a West Indies cricket team here this week with all sponsoirship proudly displayed as DIGICELL. Who the hell are they? Well they operate in Samoa, Tonga, Fiji (to name just a few places!) So, someone, get off your asses and contact Mr John Paki, Maori Trustee. It would be a well reasoned first step! After a lengthy contemplation of my blog earlier this week about the criminal abandonment of Maori rugby by the New Zealand Rugby Union, cousin Rugby Prawn was working all night on a "correcting mechanism."
Heres what he says

Sunday 21 December 2008


We saw this story today and it raised alarm bells.
A former gang leader and his missus seemed to have wangled some very interesting concessions out of WINZ. We are interested to see Harris is referred to as an ex gang leader. We doubt his connections are severed.
Kiwiblog suggests this is just the tip of the iceberg. Weird thing is we knew Darryl many many years ago. BB used to have a lot to do with gangs. He is a very interesting character - an ex carnival kid and one of the more complex characters we have met. Anyway the rumours are correct - his wife, won lotto - nearly half a mill - which was a lot in the early nineties . We are unsure if the woman mentioned today is still the same wife we met many years ago. Rumour has it that the Harris's bought a house in a nobby Christchurch area and seriously grumped up the neighbors.
He and his wife knew the welfare system inside out. So it comes as no surprise that he has managed to wheedle extra special treatment out of Winz - but I think that if the story is right then Minister Bennett is going to be very very cross indeed.

Saturday 20 December 2008


BEST POLITICAL PLAY - John Key for his decision to say "f" off to Winston .
WORST POLITICAL PLAY - Winston for lying about helicopters
BEST NEWS STORY - Phil Kitchins' helicopter expose.
BEST ROGERING - Rodney Hide for not letting up on Winston in the house.
BEST STORY STILL TO HAVE AN IMPACT - Investigate piece on immigration. passports , Shane Jones and Bill Liu
BEST JOURNALIST - Kitchin by a country mile but we also liked Ben Thomas's work.
BEST NEW MP - Amy Adams solid, lives in the south, knows rural affairs and knows shit from clay.
BEST POLITICAL BLOG - Still Kiwiblog, David Farrar is a maestro at explaining complex stuff to simply blondes like us
FUNNIEST BLOG - Whaleoil - smart, sassy, un pc, and actually a really good bastard.
BEST RURAL BLOG - Home paddock lovely writer.
BEST MINISTER - Tim Groser - he will do good things for our country
BEST POLITICAL APPOINTMENT - John Key for elevating Paula Bennett.
BEST MASH UP - The Hitler ones Whale oil did.
MOST INCISIVE BLOG - Hooton of course
BEST FEMALE BLOGGER - Its Cactus Cate - tits down.
BEST POLITICAL INTERVIEW - Sean Plunkett and his interview of Winston
SADDEST BLOG DEPARTURE - Wellington Hive - it rocked.
MOST VENAL BLOG - The Standard - sad little panty sniffers.
MOST MASTERLY BUT UNDER APPRECIATED POLITICAL PLAY - Velas donations to Winston and Helen ten days out from the election. Thank you big guy.
SADDEST DAY - The death of Mike Claudatos. He was a good bastard, and he loathed the scampi crooks and Winston.
BIGGEST EYE OPENER - discovering the hoki spy scandal
BEST BUNCH OF MATES - all those in the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
BEST DAY - The day the son and heir got his commercial helicopter pilots licence.
BEST PERSON - Eumenides - thank you for being brave.
BEST DINING EXPERIENCE - My uncles wiltshire hogget cooked by my mum.
BEST PLACE IN NZ - its a toss up between a littel muttonbird island outside Pegasus on Stewart Island and my hammock on the banks of the river at our place in the Wairarapa


There is no other oyster in the world that compares to the Bluff Oyster ( ostrea chilensis). The same species flourishes in many part of the country including the Marlborough Sounds. Nelson Bays and the Chathams but none have the taste of Bluffies simply because of what they eat. Its like comparing corn feed and grass feed beef - Salt marsh lamb and grass fed lamb. Wild forest fed venison and grass fed venison. The beds of Foveaux Strait are full of minerals only found in the south. Its what gives the meaty southern oyster its extraordinary taste - some say it delivers a taste that speaks of endless ocean depths. Its a taste that lingers leaving a hint of of sea on your tongue long after the oyster is swallowed.
So we discover today on scanning that venerable organ of Truth in the South the Southland Times that Bluff Oysters cannot be branded Bluff oysters. There is a pretender on the horizon - Cuisine Magazine has reported that Tio Point Oyster Co ( Tio being the Maori name for oysters) is farming them from the cold waters of Tory Channel. Good on Bruce Hearn. They will be good, they may even be excellent but they will not have that big bollocksy metallic tang of the Bluffies. And there lies the answer - legally it may be a stretch to use the label Bluff for the oysters but in the north they are regularly referred to as " Bluffies" so there is the solution. So all you oyster barons dip into your long pockets , sell a BMW or a horse for two and invest in a decent advertising campaign to cement the Bluffies as the only true oysters - based on the maxim - " You Are What You Eat"
We have written stories in the past about how some sifty oyster barons , when the Bluffies were out of season, imported the inferior Nelson dredge oysters and washed them in water from Foveaux Strait to try and imitate the Bluffie taste.Various restaurants we have visited over the years have tried to pass off the Nelson oysters as Bluffies and we have sent them back and in every case had a red faced apology from the chef ( in some cases some pretty bloody well known chefs).We have run, been involved in and presided over a fair few taste tests during the last two decades and in each case the Bluffies were easily recognisable over the Nelson oysters.
So Southland, you need to get moving an secure the name in one form or another to cement the reputation and recognition of one of New Zealands great culinary icons.

Friday 19 December 2008


We think this is just plain wrong.
We are pretty fond of rugby and the Maori Team has a special place in our hearts with us being Ngai Tahu and all that. So we are with the great Matt te Pou on this one. Is a bloody outrage.
However it does present some opportunities. Some enterprising Maori Trusts should have a yack with the RFU and take the risk of a tour on. I reckon with the right promotion it will be a bloody dead cert success.


Yip the economic outlook is crap. It has even shaken the Nats to the core. Its a perfect storm of the very worst type. But we refuse to be pessimistic. BB got an early Xmas for the block in the Wairarapa from the Aussie Rock. A toilet and shower - real ones - no more porta pottie and boiling up water and filling up a solar shower bag. I can't describe how wonderful it is to have a shower and a toilet - real ones. Bliss . Nothing else will give me more joy except perhaps the fact my family will be with us for Xmas. Even more bliss. We don't know what next year will bring - but its already looking promising. The prawns talents are being recognised. Extra bloody fantastic bliss.
Today we are lunching - all afternoon. On Monday we are lunching some more and Tuesday we just might fit in another wee lunch. Wednesday we start holidays in earnest.

Thursday 18 December 2008


Ma and Pa are on the road again - they are heading North - now dad's not too fond of folks north of the Bombays. Just plain queer he reckons. So coming north getting close to folk that are a bit different can be a little challenging. They are travelling in a Motorhome that has seen out 15 years of travel, two engines and has its rubber footprint on just about every highway and byway in the South Island.

But coming across the ditch - on our good friends big Blue Bridge ferry, is a real adventure. They are staying with us on the block in the Wairarapa. We will talk, and we will eat and we will wander and occasionaly we might drink a bit. Dads birthday is on Boxing Day. He will be 74. If life was based on experience he would 347. He has lived many, many full lives. Mum's wisdom and common sense makes dad a better person and dad has given her a life that has been extraordinarly rich in , fun and laughter. So we, the son and heir prawn are anxiously awaiting their arrival on the day before Xmas. Ma and Pa were so keen to get here they left a day early. So they might do a bit of fishing on the way. Other vanners like to travel with Ma and Pa. One of them once said to me that he had more fun with Ma and Pa in one week than he had in ten years. They live of the land, a flounder here, a trout there, and they are so hospitable that they attract people like magnets so farmers and hunters will give them a bit of meat just, well just because they are good folk. And they always share their bounty.   So if you see a motorhome with lots of stuff packed on the roof, fishing gear off the back, and a sign saying bugsy's burrow on the front  - then give them a wave and they will give you a bit of kiwi back.

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While we agree with the need for a body to keep everyone in the commercial world on the straight and narrow - oppressive picky police state crap needs to be reigned in. Comcom's performance over the Shell fuel additive issue is woeful. It has taken ComCom two years to investigate the Shell fuel additive issue- meantime the Advertising Standards Authority chucks out a complaint by rival BP - ( funny that ) over the same issue - their inquiry takes less than a month and the venerable institution of consumer protection Fair Go gets AA to do a trial and finds that the claims that Shell makes about its fuel stack up. So why is ComCom spending tens of thousands of dollars investigating a complaint that everyone else has seen fit to dump?

Makes you wonder who made the complaint. And Why?
Now we are Blonde but even we get it.
Shell has made a bold move by stepping up and standing up for its product. Bloody good on the Dutchies we say - Go buy Shell.

And National needs to reign in CommComm chair Paula Rebstock. No more spurious nanny state crap.

Wednesday 17 December 2008


well the journos are - its been a long intense stretch for the scribes since the election was called. It has been non stop. In all previous MMP elections there has been some faffing around while coalition deals have been sewn up.  Not this time  - Key was in had it sorted and then he was in like Flynn leaving the country gasping with his legislative programme that cemented in the promises made on the campaign trail. Now someone suggested to me today that the snitchy  headlines like this   indicate that the honeymoon is over. It is - The one thing that Key has not factored in is that the political journos are pooped - shagged , worn out. So we reckon that in the New Year the Nats have one of their legendary hoolies. There will be plenty of sponsors( we know where to get some scampi) Its time for some good will and some jolliness. Its far to late now and with a cold drink and a lie down over xmas may improve the humour or some of the nations watchers. But to really set the scene the first week back in the New Year political calendar should be marked with a really good old fashioned National Party.


Is on tonite - the Press Gallery party is the stuff of legend. An event to be seen at but not after 10 when you are pissed with your undies round your ankles in close proximity to the speakers chair. Well so one of the stories go. . Scuttlebutt is the currency of the evening. Anyway BB has been invited as have some of the other prawns. We may blog.


wow - just found scribe fire  - very cool

Tuesday 16 December 2008


Yip its true women would rather dance their fingers on a keyboard than a woody. Frankly we can't see why some people find that so hard to understand.


When all about us are tightening the Christmas belt, one company with many, many govt contracts in the IT sector is bucking the trend. A bottle of Veuve Clicquot and some exquisite chockies arrived on my desk yesterday - I have a dark fear that people in the office are looking at me wondering if I'm on the take. Their contract was only for $20k so lord only knows what people who administer really big contracts get - return airfares to Melbourne perhaps? I'm not sure I could enjoy it knowing that essentially it was paid for with taxpayers dollars. Interested in any suggestions for its use.

Monday 15 December 2008


Cool huh.


The Australian reports a woman emailed stuff while she was in a deep sleep.

WOMAN in a deep sleep sent emails to friends asking them over for wine and caviar in what doctors believe is the first reported case of 'zzz-mailing' - using the internet while asleep.

The case of the 44-year-old woman is reported by researchers from the University of Toledo in the latest edition of the medical journal Sleep Medicine.

They said the woman went to bed about 10pm but got up two hours later and walked to her computer in the next room, Britain's Daily Mail newspaper reports.

She turned it on, connected to the internet, and logged on before composing and sending three emails.

Each was in a random mix of upper and lower cases, not well formatted and written in strange language, the researchers said.

One read: "Come tomorrow and sort this hell hole out. Dinner and drinks, 4pm,. Bring wine and caviar only."

Another said simply, "What the…".

The new variation of sleepwalking has been described as "zzz-mailing".

"We believe writing an email after turning the computer on, connecting to the internet and remembering the password displayed by our patient is novel," the researchers said.

"To our knowledge this type of complex behaviour requiring co-ordinated movements has not been reported before in sleepwalking.

"She was shocked when she saw these emails, as she did not recall writing them. She did not have any history of night terrors or sleepwalking as a child."

The neurologists said that unlike simple sleep-walking, the activities their patient was involved in required complex behaviour and co-ordinated movements including typing, composing and writing the messages.

She was also able to remember her password and turn the computer on and connect to the internet, although she had no memory of the event.

It was thought that the woman's sleep-walking may have been triggered by prescription medication, although the causes of the phenomenon are not fully understood.

Bollocks - piss was involved - but we think the story will get some researcher and the woman involved on the minor speaking circuit for a while.


We dont often worry about Trotters Doolally blog but this one is a stunner.
It seems like Trotter thinks that the police should be watching the activist creeps after all .

Hell we reckon he will feel the wrath of the disenfranchised now.
If I was him I would have 24/7 security systems installed in my home. I would get a forensic computer specialist to take a look at my computer to see who is watching me and I would be very very careful walking the dog. And if I had a nice lawn I would check no- one has spelt out rude words in weed killer. I would not open the mail box without checking for human faeces. I would have a secure front door on my office where entry is only gained from someone unlocking it from the inside. I would be careful of plain envelopes with white powder. I would check that my children are not receiving filthy emails about me. I would get someone in to sweep my office every week or so for bugs.
Thiis is just a smattering of some of the things activists have done to law abiding citizens that we know well.

Trotter is very right - there are some nutters among the activists, they do have some interesting overseas connections, and you should be afraid of taking them on for fear of personal retribution.

Thank you Chris for being brave, and now maybe the media might realise that there are very good reasons why the police were keeping an eye on the creepy activists on the fringes of our good society.

Sunday 14 December 2008


TVNz reported John Key met with Maori leaders today at Pukawa. We hear it went well and there are murmurings that many Maori leaders see Key as someone who will listen and is willing to remove some of the barriers to Maori development.

What many people don't know is that Maoridom has been quietly regrouping and for the first time in over a decade is working together at the highest level. This unity will give them strength and coupled with a Prime Minister who genuinely wants to help pull people out of poverty , Maori have a good chance to improve their woeful social statistics.

While Maori leaders are now working together, it is also time for grass roots , ordinary Hine and Hone, to change the way Maori view and treat alcohol, drugs, crime,gangs, tobacco, and domestic violence. All the TV campaigns in the world will only reach a few who would have probably changed anyway. It is time for Maori society to start the change from within - to reach out to those languishing at the bottom of the heap and to set higher standards of behaviour from their whanu and hapu.

While the meeting today was about economic development - Maori leaders and PM cannot take their eyes of Maori social issues.


We read the story in the Sunday Star Times with some interest. We have been involved in the odd industry or two that have faced the wrath of activists on more than one occasion.
New Zealanders need to realise that the police are there to keep us safe and that some of the people who get involved in activism - aren't that nice. They are angry , often mentally disturbed and are quite willing to use violence to advance their various causes. While there are about 10 groups listed in the SST - there is considerable cross pollination among them and we have it on good authority that there are about 15 very odd, very violent, extreme people in the hard core of the New Zealand activist movement.

We also remain forever sceptical of anything activist Nicky Hager writes. He still does not follow any of the ethical guidelines of good journalism. So we wonder just how long that Gilchrist has been a " double" agent. What if he played at being a police informer - letting them know about stuff that was easy to find out anyway just so that some of the protesters would gain more publicity? What if the activists openly strategised about what information they would feed police through Gilchrist. ? Maybe at the behest of Hagar et al , he was sitting waiting for the best time to try and do the most damage to the police. Waiting for Hagar to cobble together a story about how vile the police were - how evil it was that they spied on " innocent" activists. The story raises many more questions than it answers.
If there is one thing we would urge all New Zealanders to believe , it is the fact that in the ranks of these odd, seemingly heroic activists, are some very very dangerous people who really do need to be watched every day.

Friday 12 December 2008


We have had a few nasty emails about our lack of respect for our elders after our last post suggested that senior citizens should get permission from their kids before they vote or invest money.
Now some of the emails were a wee bit virtriolic - and their writers apparently missed what we thought was a big dollup of humour.

However, we still wonder how many of the Hanover Finance pensioner investors voted NZ First compared to the pensioners who weren't investors. That would be a good test of senility.
And our humour is really born out of a genuine concern for hard working people who have been hoodwinked by the last of the cowboy industries. Anyway just when we thought maybe we had been a little harsh on the fossils we find this in the Australian.

It appears you can work out if someone suffers from dementia by testing to see if they recognise sarcasm. Now we are really worried for the sanity of the grumpy curmudgeons who were not happy with our insinuations about their lack of abilty to make sane financial and voting decisions once they got to 65.

Here is the important bit
John Hodges, the senior author of the paper published in Brain says:

''(Frontal Temporal Dementia ) patients present changes in personality and behaviour. They find it difficult to interact with people, they don't pick up on social cues, they lack empathy, they make bad judgements,'' he said.

"People with FTD become very gullible and they often part with large amounts of money," he said, adding that one in 4000 people around the world are afflicted with the condition.

Researchers began studying the role of sarcasm in detecting FTD because it requires a patient to spot discrepancies between a person's words and the tone of their voice, Mr Hodges said.

"One of the things about FTD patients is that they don't detect humour - they are very bad at double meaning and a lot of humour (other than sarcasm) is based on double meaning," he said.

The research, conducted in 2006-07, put 26 sufferers of FTD and 19 Alzheimer's patients through a test in which actors acted out different scenarios using exactly the same words.

While in one scenario, the actors would deliver the lines sincerely, in others they would introduce a thick layer of sarcasm. Patients were then asked if they got the joke, Hodges said.

For example, if a couple were discussing a weekend away and the wife suggested bringing her mother, the husband might say: "Well, that's great, you know how much I like your mother, that will really make it a great weekend."

When the same words were delivered sarcastically and then in a neutral tone, the joke was lost on FTD patients, while the Alzheimer's patients got it

"The patients with FTD are very literal and they take what is being said as genuine and sincere," Mr Hodges said.

So we are now really happy - ma and pa both get sarcasm and are pretty good at dispensing it. They love humour and laugh a hell of a lot, in fact the more ribald and un PC the yarn - the better. And now when we see them at Xmas and they start laughing at our bad jokes we might just shed a wee tear.

Thursday 11 December 2008


Cactus kate and I are of the same mind. She reckons that the oldies need supervision when it comes to investments - I reckoned a while back that they also require supervison when it came to voting. So I agree with Cactus - come 65 and the aged P should be required to get permission before making any big decisions - voting and money at the top of the list.
We love our parents but a bit like women facing menopause, they make some dumb decisions so they need assistance. Its not like Cactus and me need their money - we have made our own - we just don't want to see our parent's hard earned dolleros swallowed by sharks.
My Ma and Pa played it safe and poked all their spare spondies in bloody bonus bonds and have been rewarded, they still have their money, and a bit , and have the thrill of going to the letter box and to check if they have a plain envelope that says they got a bit more . So that takes care of the lotto fixation. And at anytime they know their original investment is safe. I wont even try to talk about rates of return, NPV etc. Sadly I'm still working through the fact that my old man reckons that deep down Winston is still a good bastard.


Bruce Sheppard is not a bloke known for his reticence and yesterday in the wake of the Hanover debacle was no exception.

He reckons Hanovers oldies investors should have taken Hanover to the cleaners.

The association has washed its hands of "dumb wit" finance company investors after efforts to lead them through complicated restructuring proposals were thrown back in Mr Sheppard's face.

Sick to death of "idiots who wouldn't recognise intelligent questions if they bit them on the ass", Mr Sheppard said the association would now focus on smarter public company shareholders who appreciate what it brings to the table.

"I really despair at the base level of intellect of these old dumb wits.

"My new rule is, I'm not going to spend any time with anyone aged over 60 because, frankly, their residual economic value to the rest of the country is so low they should be put through euthanasia programmes right now."

Mr Sheppard's outburst came a day after Hanover Finance investors shouted down his request at Tuesday's vote to quiz directors and administrator PricewaterhouseCoopers further on the company's controversial rescue package.

Instead creditors voted overwhelmingly in support of a plan that pledges to pay investors their principal back over five years at the expense of interest a decision Mr Sheppard branded a "shocker".

"I'm not going to put myself or any of my executive board through the idiocy of that sort of a meeting again," he said. "It's just a waste of time they deserve all they get. If anyone asks me for advice, I'll tell them to get lost."

My parents dont have big lots of spare dosh but against all family advice they stuck their wee boodle in bonus bonds. Many of their friends who were better off stuck their money in finance companies and now they are facing lean times. Ma and Pa on the other hand are happy campers.

Wednesday 10 December 2008


We refuse to publish the full speech of this tosser but there are some bits that are worthy of some publicity to ensure if nothing else , some New Zealanders have a bloody good laugh today. Not a titter or a wee giggle but a full on belly laugh.So heres to Christchurch-based Green Party list MP Dr Kennedy Graham, who was sworn-in to the 49th Parliament today , His bro is none other that former Minister of Justice Doug Graham.

Our human tenure on this Earth is still young. With some five millennia of political experience behind us, we stand on the shoulders of perhaps a hundred generations that have gone before, whose courage and sacrifice enable us to glimpse the future from the strategic heights where we stand today. Our generation looks back with gratitude, mindful of their accumulated trials and labour.

Yet as we turn to the future, we glimpse the unprecedented challenges that lie ahead. For ours is the first generation to confront problems of a planetary scale – daunting in their complexity, seemingly intractable in nature.

As our human numbers increase, our earth-share diminishes.

As our materialistic lifestyle expands, our ecological footprint grows ever larger. Humankind today, casting precaution to the wind, is recording an ecological overshoot beyond the planet’s carrying capacity, anthropogenically inducing climate change of unprecedented magnitude and alarming danger. We are drawing down on Earth’s natural resources, borrowing forward on the human heritage, irretrievably encroaching on our children’s right to inherit the Earth in a natural and sustainable state. It is the uniquely dubious fate of our generation to have broken the eternal promise of inter-generational justice.

We in New Zealand are part of the problem, not yet of the solution. Our individual ecological footprints are three times higher than the global average, our carbon emissions even higher. If we offer the world a national ecological surplus, it is not through prudent husbandry or modesty of habit on our part, but because we are simply few in number.


How Crazy is this. Restaurateur owes you money. Lots of it. You wont get it back cos they live close to the edge and dont pay bills. So you rock on up to their restuarant with a group of big living, hard drinking mates who dont take shit from no - one. Good bastards. Then you order up Dom, the Perignon, bottle after bottle you quaff. Then you leave. Paying no bill.
Justice is done Wellington style. Roarprawn has it on good authority that many more are lining up to give the owner more nightmares.


It appears the king of the Good Bastards, Paddy Sweeney may have hit on a liquid formula that will put some steel into the economic backbone of the West Coast.

We love the Good Bastards concept. We come from a big family of good bastards from Southland We are the sort of no bullshit, lend a hand, take no prisoners, bugger the PC stuff people, that being a good bastard is all about.

Anyway back to the story. Paddys having supply problems - he can't supply enough of his brew Green Fern. It seems too many people like it.

Here is his press release.

The Pub with no beer ……
This is worse

West Coast Brewing CEO Paddy Sweeney is tearing his hair out. His brewery has run out of beer.

“We knew we would be close on this but its hit us way sooner than we expected.” He said from Christchurch today.

The West Coast Brewery has run out of Green Fern Certified Organic lager, its flagship beer.

“We have sold all the Green Fern we have produced and won’t have more until the beginning of January” Sweeney said.

“What’s been happening is that Green Fern has been getting more and more popular all year, not only in New Zealand but also in Australia, Taiwan and Hong Kong. It really hits the spot with drinkers and they keep coming back for more.”

“Last year Green Fern was top in its class for Premium Lager at the New Zealand International Beer awards and it signaled a growth path that has all but spiraled out of control.” Sweeney said.

“The fact that it’s organic has some impact but what we have been finding is that people who couldn’t care less about organic beer are driving sales. Pure and simple it is the taste that people love and can’t seem to get enough of it.

To solve the problem two 5000 litre tanks arrived in Westport on Monday, the first of six that will increase the breweries capacity significantly.

A new Chiller to accommodate the six 5000 litre tanks has been ordered and will be in place in January to ensure the problem does not happen again.

It won’t solve the problem permanently but should see us ok through to next spring.” Said Sweeney.

“People taste it and want more and we have bottle shops, restaurants, pubs and five star hotels ringing up for it every week as their customers just keep asking for it and many have never even heard of it” Said Sweeney.

“Its right up the top end with pricing and we don’t do deals. You want it, you have to pay for it, it’s as simple as that. You get a drop as good as this the last thing you want to do is be discounting it. We leave that to the big bad brother overseas owned breweries with their flash named international drops that are full of sugar and chemicals. You won’t get crook on Green Fern like the other drops that dehydrate and shrivel up your internal organs.”

“We never set out to knock them off the arrogant bastards off their perch, but the way this stuff is rocketing out the door, they may well have cause to be worried. Between them they don’t have a beer that can hold a candle to ours when it comes to taste. Said Sweeney.

The company recently completed a $2million capital raising with an extra million in over subscriptions and it is well advanced in getting its second prospectus of $5 million finished and is due for release in March 2009.

“We get enquiries every day via our website from folk putting their names down wanting a copy of our next investment information. This global meltdown might be affecting other industries; however the brewing industry has been proven to be a stalwart for investors. Over the great depression and many recessions brewing shares tend to prosper. Folk either celibate their prosperity or commiserate the tough times. Either way beer is the winner.

After the caning from the fiancé industries investors are much more gun-shy and prudent, and that’s evidenced by the enquiries we are getting for our next prospectus. Sweeney said.

The company went from one employee in March 2007 to now having over 50 on the payroll.

Its latest venture is the first of what is anticipated to be a chain of bottle shops around the country is opening in Christchurch on Monday.

“The chain will have the apt name of “The Thirsty Bloke” and will open in Victoria Street in Christchurch just up from the Casino. It is in an old service station and because of its high visibility, great parking, and on a main road is probably the best site in Christchurch.” Sweeney said.

The companies West Coast Bar and Grill in Papanui in Christchurch continues to trade well and is enjoying increasing turnovers every month as too is The Good Bastards Bar in Woolston Christchurch also continuing to do well with its best week ever two weeks ago.

This week sees the 2008 Bullshitting Championships being held at the Good Bastards Bar and Sweeney promises it will be a hoot.

We we reckon he needs a Thirsty Bloke Bar here in Wellington - problem is its going ot be hard to convince him to sell his beer here. Not to sure if he will want his beer drunk by shiny arsed bastards who aren't necessarily good.


Well its apparent that someone should be. PM Key says in Stuff that he isn't going to axe the SFO and he expects they will be investigating some " very interesting crimes". Well we can only speculate on what they will be. Scampi anyone? Or maybe Hoki?

Tuesday 9 December 2008


Paula Bennett might be part Maori but its clear she aint one for bullshit hui. She has given the Families Commission ( What the hell have they ever achieved????) a stern talking to about a big $200k talkfest they had planned. Its now not happening.
While we are at it, we here at Roarprawn reckon that Paula should disband the Commission and get the volunatry agencies to bid for the commisson money and give it to the ones with the best ideas. They voluntary agencies have the best networks, are at the coalface and know where the greatest need is.
Common sense will always win the day, Keep it Up Paula 10/10


My Labour mates' favourite phrases leading up to the election were - " National hasn't got any policies - They haven't got a plan - They have no idea what they will do if they get in. "

Well this week has shut the buggers up. Herceptin by Friday - 90 day trial for workers by the end of the week. Tax cuts bedded in and life saving parole conditions for violent offenders and a word to Public Service CE's to sort out their spending, line by bloody line.

And MP's are working hard and long hours . Labour look like a bunch of lemon sucking sour pusses. Whats worse for them is there is still all this to come :

Updating and publishing the economic and fiscal forecasts to gauge the true state of the government’s books and determine the on-going effects of the international economic crisis.

• The introduction of an RMA reform bill to reduce the costs, delays, and uncertainties in the Act.

• The introduction and passage of National’s transitional relief package into law to offer extra assistance to Kiwis who are worst hit by redundancy.

• Introduce legislation to clamp down on criminal gangs and their drug trade.

• Introduce legislation to toughen the bail laws to make it harder for criminals awaiting trial to get bail.

• Introduce legislation to tackle increasing violent youth crime by bolstering the Youth Court with a range of new interventions and sentences.

• Introduce legislation to require DNA testing for every person arrested for an imprisonable offence.

• Introduce legislation to give police the power to issue on-the-spot protection orders to help them protect victims of domestic violence.

• Introduce legislation to compensate victims by levying criminals and putting the money into a Victims Compensation Scheme.

• Amend the Education Act 1989 so the Minister of Education can set agreed National Standards in literacy and numeracy.

• Publish requirements for primary and intermediate schools to report to parents in plain English about how their child is doing compared to the set National Standards, and compared to other children their age.

• Begin work on allocating the additional $500 million capital investment in schools in preparation for our first Budget to start future-proofing our schools.

• Introduce a “voluntary bonding” scheme which offers student loan debt write-offs to graduate teachers who agree to work in hard-to-staff communities or subjects.

• Amend the Education Act 1989 to increase the current fines for parents of truant children from $150 and $400 for first time and repeat offenders respectively, and allow the Ministry of Education to take prosecutions.

• Instruct the Ministry of Health and DHBs to halt the growth in health bureaucracy.

• Open the books on the true state of hospital waiting lists and the crisis in services.

• Fast-track funding for 24-hour Plunketline.

• Begin implementing National’s Tackling Waiting Lists plan.

• Establish a “voluntary bonding scheme" offering student loan debt write-off to graduate doctors, nurses, and midwives agreeing to work in hard-to-staff communities or specialties.

Not a bad effort for the first month without a plan, huh .


Me and horsey prawn snuck away for a quick lunch today and we settled on the Wellesley Club cnr of McGinnity and Ballance St. It was once a very superior Gentleman's Club in its day but like many Gentlemen's Clubs it went broke so now its sort of a boutique hotel, the favourite haunt of spooks, a few wide boy lawyers, an unofficial mess for defence types, a popular secondee sleepover and haven for some very well paid Corrections contractors. Anyway when I first arrived in Wellington it was a good place to go for a drink - and a gossip. A Wellington Institution.However the food was always average. You could be a club member and get a discount on services so that made it a bit more palatable.
I had to park up there one nite and the rooms are great examples of olde worlde charm. The bar and dining rooms are a delight. The bar walls are studded with sword fish, real buffalo and boars heads and rumour has it some of the art works gracing the walls are national treasures.

So today was a blast from the past but quite frankly lunch mirrored an episode from Faulty Towers. The waitperson was a she - and she was unfailingly polite but bloody useless. The Wellesley touts itself as a business lunch spot so service should be business like. First up the glasses were filthy - not just spotty - filthy. We noticed the offending grime while waitwoman was pouring a very generous half glass tasting - so we asked for new glasses - We waited 5 mins. out came two new glasses and the same bottle less the half glass ( it was also sold by the glass so i reckoned we should have had a new bottle). We suggested then that the waitwoman should bring a menu. We didn't see her for 20 mins. When she finally arrived we ordered the steak and chips med rare and it came out pretty quickly and it was good- a bog standard meal of frittes, salad and a big new york cut sirloin done med rare. But sadly it was floating in a thin gravy that tasted suspiciously of Maggi gravy stock. Ok at $20 bucks but at $29 - not good enough.
Anyway for what its worth it has a lovely atmosphere, its over priced and the waitwoman needs to go back to waitwoman skool.
Shame really, with a bit of work it could be one of the great lunch venues of Wellington.


The Southland Times leads with a great story about Southland being named as one of the top 20 emerging destinations in the world.

It's recognition that is well deserved and overdue. My home province is breathtakingly beautiful. My favourite places are Stewart Island, Te Anau and the road from Riverton to Manapouri. But there are other great places. Like the Dunsdale Picnic area , the scene of many a wonderful childhood picnic and horse treks in the Hokonuis. It has easy and wonderful walks that meander along side a lovely blackwater stream.

And there is the isloated splendour of Oreti Beach - wild windy and wonderful.

Monday 8 December 2008


The Australian is reporting that the number of kiwis shooting over the ditch for a bit of a break increased by 10% last month while there was drop in the number of visitors from other countries.

AUSTRALIA welcomed more than 16,000 fewer international tourists to its shores in October as the effects of the financial crisis begin to bite.

International travellers totalled 451,800 in October 2008, new Australian Bureau of Statistics figures show.

That compared with 468,700 for the same month last year.

The biggest slump was from Japanese tourists, with 12,600 fewer visiting - a drop of 27 per cent.

There were also fewer travellers from the US (4900), China (4900) and Korea (3000).

But 9400 more New Zealanders made the trip - an increase of nine per cent.

The figures also showed a slowing of Aussies holidaying abroad.

Tourism and Transport Forum (TTF) executive director Olivia Wirth said the figures were no surprise, and only illustrated that the global financial crisis was already hitting hard.

She said New Zealand holidaymakers were the "shining light", spurred on by increased flights to Australia.

We here at Roarprawn think its undoubtedly because its the cheapest place to go for an overseas jaunt but the fact that many of us now have family across the Tassy also add to the attraction. And you can't discount the possibility that many people are also going on a look see to work out if they want to live there.


Macdoctor knows his shit. He has done a wonderful analysis of one of the reasons why ACC is costing so much . Whale oil reckons we are a nation of sooks and need to harden up. Both are very right. Macdoctor reckons that ACC is treating a whole lot of stuff like sprained ankles that should not be treated. He is sooooo right.
And heres a starter for ten -
Do we need physiotherapists? Can we survive without them? Would people's injuries heal without their ministrations? Do they over treat? Are they just FeelGoods?
Yes to all the above.

Well way back in 1992( we did a bit of work then on the What ACC should really be providing) we reckoned that they were the closest thing to Snakeoil sellers we have in the medical system.

Its time that ACC was left to provide insurance for the big injuries and that NZ'ers get more responsible for the small stuff just like they do for non accident problems.


Yip , this story about IT problems with the GSN is just the tip of the iceberg. There are IT cockups peppered right throughout the Public Service.

Sunday 7 December 2008


Kevin Rudd is ripping through his staff as he beds down his newish govt. Ouch.

We are not expecting John Key to do the same. He has a good mix of old campaigners and bright young things amoung his team - And Tories always have a better work ethic than socialists. They work hard and play hard , while lefty lackys say pay us more and we might work a little harder but we will want time in lieu, childcare, a taxi home and a meal allowance.


Dear John knows all about trade stuff. And if he is worried we are worried.

And he is very worried

It appears that WTO talks are notlooking all that good.


Or so RNZ is reporting - bloody fantastic. But he should have done it the day after the election. The wanker has the morals of a sewer rat And there should be more Labourites who warm the seats of many SOE's who should also be considering resigning.

Friday 5 December 2008



Rules for visiting the South Island are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a Ute

because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust

on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like

money to us. Get over it. Don't like it ? SH1 goes north, find it and

F%&$# off

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000

Harvesters that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the South waves. It's called being friendly. Try to

understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/quail

are comin' in during the season, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You

better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and duck. You really want sushi and

caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of duck season. It's a religious

holiday , we will observe it !.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you

can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables

and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Watties Tomato sauce!

Oh, yeah We don't care what you folks in Ponsonby call that stuff you eat
... .


13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served

over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know

how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Rugby is as important here as the All

Blacks, the Highlanders and the Crusaders and a heap more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it

spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump cr @ p ain't

music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your

boxers! Refer back to #1!


We have already blogged about how bad it is.

Whale Oil is
predicting that the motor vehicle account will offer up some more nasty shocks.

The normally mild mannered McDoctor is also outraged.

is disgusted and points out the ODT isnt impressed either

And KiwiBlog summarises whats happened so far.

There appears to be a real possibility of increased ACC levies wiping out any tax cuts.

As we have said - BB has been involved in looking at privatising ACC before - Bring back Melissa Clark Reynolds we say.


Love it - Invercargill has a newish brothel, Elite Ladies gets some publicity because a few business residents are worried it will lower the tone of the CBD. Suddenly its business goes ballistic. Noice.
BB has a link with Southern brothels. Her son had a wonderful nanny in Invercargill, one of the best. She asked BB for some advice about buying some property. BB was quite nonplussed - how could she manage to buy some property as a nanny? She explained that she loved looking after kids ( BB's little boy especially ) but in fact she was a madam. She bought some flats with the money she earned and she told BB how much money she made. BB seriously considered a career change.

Funnily, it appears its the bondage and discipline that's the most popular service at the new brothel. Seems nothing much has changed in the deep south.

Thursday 4 December 2008


Doc is full of dorks. they have a breeding colony of wekas on an island in Lake Wanaka
Heres the story from Stuff

A male weka lost his mate and got a bit stroppy with the breeding pairs that were left now instead of letting nature taking its course and letting the best weka win, DOC take the kin pin and put him somewhere far far away - only trouble is he takes 10 days to travel two kilometres across the lake and two kilometres across a peninsula before a sprints down a spit then swims to his old island.

According to STUFF - he then


laid siege to the aviary where the females were, and thwarted by the fence, created havoc by incessantly pacing and calling out.

DOC staff recaptured him and quarantined him on the island, with plans to relocate him to another colony on Wawahi Waka/Pigeon Island on Lake Wakatipu. There they hope he can be paired with a female."

How bloody daft - if he is that strong and determined and smart they should have let him stay and win over the love of one of the girly weka. Its all about survival of the fittest.

It appears that the social engineering hallmark of the Labur govt has permeated DOC.

That's sad.

We also come from the Roger Beattie school of common sense - we should be breeding these buggers to eat. They are yum. If they are commercial they will have a value and never die out.


So the govt hid a lot more liability than first thought. That is outrageous.

Hon Dr Nick Smith ACC Minister

04 December 2008

Big blow-out in another ACC account

Officials are recommending an increase in earners levies of $1.337 billion over the next three years to cover significant increased costs of the ACC Earners' Account that funds non-work accidents involving employees.

"Department of Labour officials have advised the Government to increase the current ACC Earners Levy of $1.40 per $100 of earnings to $2.00 in 2009/10, $2.10 in 2010/11 and $2.20 in 2011/12 to cover the increased costs of the Earners' Account.

"The cost increases identified by officials is being blamed on increases in the number of claims, lesser rates of rehabilitation resulting in increased duration of costs, increased medical and treatment costs, expansion of the schemes entitlements, and increases in treatment injury cover.

"This $1.337 billion is additional to the $1.253 billion required for the Non-Earners Account. The key differences are that the Earners' Account is paid for by employee levies rather than the Government from general taxation, and the account does not require a cash injection in the current financial year.

"These are very significant cost increases for workers. A person on the average wage of $47,000 per year would pay an additional $282 in the next tax year or $5.40 per week, $329 in 10/11 or $6.33 per week, and $376 in 11/12 or $7.23 per week.

"The new Government is very concerned about the scale of these recommended increases.

"I certainly do not wish to impose these sorts of increased costs on households, but also must take a prudent approach to ensuring ACC's ongoing viability.

"The immediate decision the Government needs to take by Christmas is the levy rate for 2009/10 and I am continuing to work with officials on how these cost increases might be constrained.

"I am also seeking further information on the motor vehicle account which is also facing significant cost increases. The decision on motor vehicle levies does not need to be made until March and there are legislative options of extending the full funding date beyond 2014 to alleviate these increases.

"The new Government is committed to a full stock-take of all the components of the ACC scheme."

Dr Smith has also released ACC's Briefing to the Incoming Minister. It can be viewed at:

  • Briefing
  • "I am concerned that ACC's briefing does not adequately address the major issues of the very significant cost increases. A change in culture is required at ACC so it is better placed to appreciate the impacts of cost shocks on families and businesses."


    This has a big effect on wee businesses like us that operate as company. We often pay as an employer and as employees.

    It sucks and we never seems to get anything out of it except big envelopes stuffed with bumpf.

    We are with Nick on this one. ACC get real.

    whale oils has this take

    and Kiwiblog says this

    and no minister says while we should be worried about ACC the motherlick has gone sour as well