EUGENICS - RED ROOSTERS AND BLUE EGGS

We have a bloody job to do this coming weekend - its time for a spot of killin. We have a few chooks - two purebred silky hens - a family of 4 feather footed femme fatale banties and an ugly hen and her assortment of 9 chicks from several fathers.

The mother was obviously a hen hussy.

A few weeks ago we worked out that in her brood of nine was 4 red roosters - ugly buggers they are - to a feather.

Hens are not cuddly creatures - in fact they are vicious and as we watched the largest rooster shag the littlest pullet - he was marked for the pot. He is called Trev. He pecks the crap out of the hen till she submits - then the actual deed of loving lasts a nanosecond then he pecks the crap out of them again just to remind them of who boss.

So its off with his head.

Then the next rooster for the chop is Parker- he has got cross eyes and he shags the pullets around the back of the shed . Out of sight - and the only reason you know he has done something is when the wee pullets screech horribly and run for the sanctuary of the open paddock as Parker only seems to be at his best behind the shed.

Next for the chop is Cunners - a long necked lean mean prancer with an undershot beak. He will crow away and sneak up on the pullet and then quietly retreat without the pullet even realising she has been shagged over properly.

Then there is Phil. He is for the chop cos he doesn't shag at all - he doesnt know how - He crows but its a thin reedy whiny sort of crow and none of the hens take any notice of him. And the other three roosters are happy to indulge in some bi-chicken P (pecking)and D (discipline ) with Phil as the bottom - All behind the shed of course.

Our mate has a lovely Araucana rooster called John we are going to buy and when all our little red hens mate with him their lovely wee chicks will lay nice blue eggs.

Genetics at its finest.

NOW IS THE TIME - ACT

After we posted on the woeful Hillary Calvert last night - the phone started to go off.

It appears that deep within in ACT there is a realisation of an urgent need to revitalise the Party list.

Hillary Calvert is likely to disappear as it has already be decided she is too much of a liability. And it seems, that Heather Roy is likely to be asked to consider stepping aside for someone with more intellectual grunt and political nouse.

So the big news is Cactus Kate has been asked to become an ACT candidate.. And despite her being particularly hard to pin down as she swans around the world she did concede she would rule nothing out. In fact her first words when we asked her if it was true was

" How did you know wench?"

We just told her that our deep throat was bigger than her deep throat.

We would have to admit that her grey matter was awash in bubbles at the time and apparently she was smack dab in the middle of some Pacific Hunkfest which would account for the lack of sophistication of her answer to our political probe.

We also know that she has been considering, due to her advancing years and growing bank balance, that she needs to put down roots - not dud roots - real roots. Like buy a house or at least an apartment.

She has only just left New Zealand on a very low key visit but we know that she spent an awful lot of quality time with some key ACT decision makers and is due back again soon

So we hope that ACT pushes her hard to accept- she will increase the current intellectual depth of the party 10 fold.

If she gets to be an MP then we reckon you will see packed houses for question time.

And she will scare the bejeesus out of Key.

A TIME FOR CARING , AND REBUILDING

Cactus has been seething for a few days over the blithering and hand ringing by a few lefties.

Now Cactus does have a heart - you can find it beating pretty strongly under her designer faux fur coat. And she has proved it again today with a stunning column on Welfare and what it is and what it means for Key to get the whole Christchurch rebuild solution right.

We agree with her on every damn point she makes. And she makes them with conviction. so far everything we have seen gives us confidence that this government is the right administration to get Christchurch and as Cactus says the rest of the economy sorted.

New Zealanders are a pretty hardy bunch - sure some of us have got a bit soft living in our mini McMansions sipping lattes or glugging pinot. but we can rise to this extreme challenge.

The left always think that those on the centre right and right of the political spectrum don't care - a repugnant and offensive notion.

In fact there isn't a person in this country who can stand up and say that the governments reaction to the Christchurch earthquake is anything but caring, considered and compassionate.

The speed of the government machine to react to this crisis has been a testament to good management and a desire to ensure that everyone in Christchurch is supported as much as possible.

Hardly the reactions of an "uncaring right wing administration."

The Left can claim no moral high ground if it has already been taken and to date the National Government has shown that it cares very very much for the people of Canterbury.

We will be relying on the government to do everything it can support the rebuild of the commercial hub of Christchurch. Supporting businesses to get back on their feet is the only way forward and already the Government has prioritised support to small and medium businesses.

To date their response is almost flawless. Unlike the dribbling on of the left - which is just plain flaky.

TWO GASTRO PUBS - TWO STORIES

We have been to two very different Wellington pubs in the last week or so. One in Lambton Quay on the site of the old Paris and New Orleans now reincarnated as Keenans and the other is 3C down Chews Lane off Willis St.

One a very fine example of a good gastro pub - the other is crap.

The good one is 3C. The food is great, well cooked and reasonably priced. the wine list is fulsome and bar staff attentive and knowledgeable and the place fair bulges with sweaty Bettys and hard on Harry's on a Friday night. Its a fine example of its kind.

Keenans is everything you dont want in a gastro pub. Surly waitresses, food that is so bad that you will talk about it for weeks and its not cheap and has a skinny wine list to boot.

Keenans has a really good spot. It should be the place people go to do the " off the radar" or " fireside chats" that are a feature of Wellingtons public service and political scene.

But the lunch we had there started off with a waitress not bringing us menus or wine lists for about 10 minutes. Nor any water.

And there was no fish and two other dishes were off the menu.

The steak my mate had was, in her words " perfect if you wanted to skate on it all the way to Hamilton". It really was a a piece of rubber masquarding as beef.

I ordered a small Antipasto plate for $15 and a side of fries We got an odd plate of not very nice cold stuff and mounds of bread.

" Breads nice" said my mate...

Everything had a supermarket look about it and when the waitress went to pour the wine she sloshed it into the glass filling it three quarters full. Then stood back like she was expecting us to taste it.

Then she screwed the cap back before realising that she hadn't poured the next glass. Duh.

The chips were good as was the bread but for an antipasto plate, a steak sandwich and a $38 bottle of wine, you want more than just good bread and chips.

So if you want a cold beer and chips down the parliament end of the town - it could fit the bill -thats if you can get past the grumpy waitress.

Our advice is stretch it out and walk down to Willis St and enjoy the superb service and excellent and well priced food at 3C.

RANDOM BITS

We are lunching tomorrow at a fish place. Its pretty new and the chef has a hell of a reputation so it should be fun. Will report back .

Who is the press secretary who can do four lunches in two Fridays? We are in awe.

We reckon that St Johns serves the best steak in town.

Does anyone else feel pissed off that their ACC levies are subsidising bloody bikers?

Who would have though that HomePaddock would know more about sex than Cactus and Bustedblonde?

Isn't this the funniest blog you have ever seen?

THE DEVILS BIBLE

We have been advised that Wellington's resident curmudgeon is about to turn 70 soon.

Apparently someone near and dear to him decided to commission a book about his life to celebrate this most auspicious milestone. Well known luminaries around the traps were given a chapter each to pen.

Ink has flowed, blood from frantic fingers has dripped on steamy passages of hitherto unknown tit bits about Bob's life.

However, it seems that those who worship at the Church of Jones are to be disappointed. The man himself doesn't want the book to see the light of day..

That may be his wish but we know a few chapters of the Book That Must Not Be Printed still exist. Hidden from view, pages are fluttering in anticipation of being read by the masses.
Will all be revealed...?

God knows...

FRIDAY ROUND UP

So which three young likely lads working in the Beehive are known as the " Boy Band?"

Clues
- Be forewarned
- church big wig
- Rolling stone

Apparently all are popular with women. does this mean right wing politics is the new black?

Does any women actually shave their legs with the Gillette Vibrating Venus razor?

What does Tracy Watkins have against Minister for Agriculture David Carter to say, in a recent ranking article on Ministers performance, that he deserved a 3/10 when he is well liked and respected by the agriculture sector and that his caucus collegues are very impressed by how he manages his portfolio? And where did she ever get the idea that Key would give him the biff in any future cabinet reshuffle?


So what does Colin Espiner do now that Tracy Watkins was picked for the Fairfax political hub top job?

KEY JOYCE AND ENGLISH

Patrick Gower wrote an interesting yarn his morning on the rise and rise of Steven Joyce. He is on the money. As is Fran O'sullivan. And is Transtasman. Keys appears to be about to line this country up for some big changes. He relies on Joyce. Joyce has delivered as we have seen with broadband and transport. English has since the election stumbled here and there and many party insiders question his absolute loyalty to Key.

Labour sees English as a wounded animal after the Ministerial Housing debacle. He did himself no favours..

So with the governments rise in popularity will we see Key and Joyce along with Brownlie, Groser, McCully, and Finlayson who all understand the transformational changes required to get this country moving at pace, starting to rev things up a bit?

If they do, we think that English's long term position is at risk as he does not have the same strategic sense as Key and Joyce and there is still the question of his loyalty that currently rests on a sand wall built by the the promise that he keeps finance and the Deputy PM positions.

The cynics would say that if Labour continue to pick on English then that could ultimately speed up the transformation agenda.

The tranformational change we need is Keys game to play. He needs to start playing it soon.

CASPERS NOT SO FRIENDLY

We like to photograph things from time to time and a mate of ours, who once was a good scribe, is also a lover of the digital still art medium. He has been wandering around town in search of architecturally interesting features and he spied a good 'un in Pipitea Plaza. there was a bit of scaffolding ona new building which added to the angular interest.

He was doing the arty snapper thing when he was approached by a very polite but very insistent bloke who told him he could not take any pics " because it was a government building."

Well says the just as insistent amateur snapper, "I have worked in government buildings and there were no rules on taking pictures of them"

"Sorry" says the insistent security chappy. "You can't take pics of this one and please delete all the ones you have already taken . "

Mate thought this was very odd but he desisted.

But he went home and googled the address and its the home to the GCSB.

Now we are all in favour of our government keeping there ears and eyes on terrorists but bugger me, a few pics of the architecturally interesting office block owned by some very nice Maori fellas is a bit over the top...

YOU IS DA MAN

It is lovely to see that John and Barack get on.. Super!

Barry has a lovely wife, smart kids and a cute dog. But he is in charge of a country that's falling to bits.

Sorry everyone - but if you think that the world economy is on the repair - think again - its the dead dog bounce. Shit will happen in the next few months.

Yip, we need to sell stuff to to the USA, they are an important market and we need to be nice to them, but not in awe of them, so there is no need to do the sucky - sucky bum licky thing.
It looks sad.

You see John, you are making decisions that are a bit different than everyone else - and the world is watching with interest.


It should be Barack calling you - Mr Prime Minister.

IN THE DYING OF THE LIGHT

You see the faces of true friends.

I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,

We can understand why this govt wants to strengthen the Families Commission and on the face of it the appointment of Christine Rankin would appear to be a bold move by the government.

However as much as it saddens us to say so - it is a bad appointment. We are putting our party cheerleading pompoms down for a while.
Our concern over Rankins appointment has nothing to do with divorces or marriage or her controversial reign at the head of WINZ where her zeal to turn her staff into Amway sales clones was an unmitigated disaster.

No, for us, its simply because, when it comes to Rankin, anything she does is ultimately about her and she uses populist causes as vehicles for self promotion. She is the great New Zealand "I am."

Have a look at this interview with Mark Sainsbury and count up the number of times she says - I .

Or this interview

Not we, not us , not together, just - I.

See what we mean?

That's the reason we think her appointment is just bloody wrong.

And at the end of the bloody day there is probably no need for the Families Commission anyway. Scrap it and give it to some charities that do good works. There are plenty of them.

So here is the competition - find the article or interview of Rankin where she uses the word I the most. Then source the article in the comments section.

You have till 8pm tonight. A bottle of good pinot noir for the one who comes up with the biggest count.

Have fun.