Wednesday 30 September 2009


Another one bites the dust.

In ten years, under the barren leadership of Mark Solomon , Ngai Tahu has had seven Ngai Tahu Holding Corp chairs. Te Runanga O Ngai Tahu has had 3 CEO's and Ngai Tahu Holding Corporation has had three CEO's.

Other iwi are laughing fit to kill as Ngai Tahu picks good people but they dont last the distance so they are quickly picked up by other tribes.

And we have also heard that there is considerable concern among some key iwi about the lack of relationship skills withing the top ranks of Ngai Tahu. There are heaps of opportunities out there for iwi but it requires them to work with other iwi to get the economies of scale needed to capitalise on the deals on offer. One described Ngai Tahu's attidude as " bare faced arrogance."
Another suggested to Roarprawn that the tribe was fast losing mana due to their lack of willingness to forge business relationships.
For Ngai Tahu to succeed it needs to ensure that people who are good at building relationships and have sound financial acumen are sitting around the top table and commanding the boardroom. Never before have the tribal elections been so important to our people. They need to reflect on the fragmented leadership of the past, look to new blood and put aside the deep rooted inter family differences.

Our future depends on it.

Kia ora anō tātou

It is with regret that I announce that Richard Coleman has resigned from his position as Chief Executive Ngāi Tahu Seafood (Acting).
Richard has a long history working for Ngāi Tahu. In January 1995 he was appointed as Accountant / Operations Manager for the joint venture, Ngāi Tahu Pacific Fisheries. When the JV was wound up in 1997, Richard joined Ngāi Tahu Seafood and in September 2005, he moved to Ngāi Tahu Holdings as Investment Manager.
Since June 2008, Richard has been Acting Chief Executive of Ngāi Tahu Seafood and brought his usual exceptional passion and commitment to that role. He has led a range of diverse and challenging initiatives with very pleasing outcomes for the business including a revised strategic direction; a new wetfish business model; a supply chain review resulting in recognition as a premium lobster supplier to the export markets; acceptance into the New Zealand Trade and Enterprise Beachheads programme; comprehensive systems to manage compliance and H&S risks; and a succession plan in the Bluff lobster fishery allowing young Ngāi Tahu fishers the opportunity to build successful businesses and become the next generation of experienced lobster fishers.
In addition to these achievements and of particular note is that NTS (in tough economic times) recorded its highest trading EBIT, since its inception, in the 2008-09 financial year under Richard's leadership.
Richard's strong leadership and hard work over the past 15 months sees us very well positioned for financial success, wealth creation and growth as we embark on the next exciting stage in the development of the Ngāi Tahu Seafood business.
I'd like to acknowledge Richard's significant contribution to Ngāi Tahu over the last 15 years and wish him, his wife Kate and his three children, all the very best in their next adventure. Richard has always been held in high respect by anyone who has worked with him and he will be hugely missed by all. His last day of work will be 31 January 2010 and closer to that date we will announce details of his poroporoaki.

Trevor Burt
Ngai Tahu Holdings Corporation


How bloody mean can you get. RNZ decides that because of budgetry cuts they wont be entering the NZ Radio awards this year. KiwiBlog has the stupid email from CE Peter Cavanagh. The same CE who has just represented NZ at the International Broadcasters conference in Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago.

A sweet little junket that would have cost about $25k. We reckon that a dork like Cavanagh should be hauled before the Minister and issued with a please explain. After all - he is happy to spend taxpayers money promoting himself but not his hard working staff.

What a dick.

Hat tip Kiwiblog..

Tuesday 29 September 2009


Lambcut is the sister of Busted Blonde

Never ever mess with her....

These are her office decorations....
True, no shit... really....

We think this will leave a stain in whaleoils undies......


We attended the very interesting and informative breakfast presentation by Herald commentator Fran O'Sullivan at D4 this morning on the accidental empire of political blogging.

It was hosted by Rural Women NZ ( the old WDFF)
There were political people, PR people, leftie wankers who think that while maybe there is no such thing as a free lunch they were entitled to a free breakfast. We wondered if the trougher was related to the little labourites who stole the piss from a parliamentary party a year or so ago..

Anyway it was fun.. But the best idea Fran had was to turn NZ on Air into NZ on Media. As she rightly points out why should NZ on air just fund TV and Radio. She argued it was time that the fund was opened up and made contestable for all mediums including print and online media.. We think its a very compelling argument.....


We had a catch up with some of our IT mates today. We were all talking about the Daylight saving blues.
They laughed heartily. Apparently the government departments ( and a few private sector businessess ) rely on the beating heart of microsoft software to power their day. Trouble is there are many businesses and organisations that have not rejigged their microsoft software to take into account the new daylight saving hours.. Consequently - doors wont open when then should , lifts are out of sinc and horror of horrors , if you had an appointment in microsoft outlook with an overseas client it wont take into account the time slippage.....

A bloody good excuse to stay in bed for an extra hour we say...

DULL GREEN - exclusive

We were hoping for some really good candidates to put their hands up for the Wellington Mayoralty. Sadly the first out of the blocks, so we hear on the Welly gossip mill, is that arch Greeny and long time councillor - Celia Wade Brown

Well we know one thing... the candidates can only improve from this point on...

And does anyone else think she looks like Su Bradfords younger sister????


This just in....

Our communications roundsman, Telephone Prawn, has finally cooled down long enough to record his experiences for readers.

Seems Telephone is a phone fanatic and lives with his trusty cellphone. But he is old, and quite slow, and can’t really tote a telephone directory (and they get wet.)

So, he uses (endlessly) the telecom 018 assistance service.

It was a great marriage. He “paid 50 cents, plus any applicable telecom call charges” and got straight to his target.

But that changed!

Some months ago he phoned for: Parliament Buildings, Wellington. A polite Eastern lady told him that there was no such number in the Wellington directory. He insisted that she check again and she replied: “Here it is, do you mean Paramatta Building Supplies?

He then phoned a direct line to a Minister’s office and got the number.

Last week he phoned for: “The Wellington office of Lion Nathan.” An equally polite woman said there is no such listing!

Then last night: “A Paraparaumu number for G. and M. Duncan. Miss Polite gave some examples – nothing like the request! Telephone Prawn lost his cool and after a one sided screaming match, Miss Polite put him through……..through to another exchange with English being the main language. The call went straight through.

We believe Telecom has a bloody lot of questions to answer:

  • Are they running a key service from offshore;
  • If they aren’t why not get a foolproof computer system to search;
  • Don’t we have a government-imposed employment target for NZ residents;
  • How angry must a caller get before he gets a “native” resident;
  • Has the service run down through the patently poor service?

And if you think thats bad, Lambcut rang 018 to find the number for a restaurant for a very important tussock jumper who was looking for a flash nosebag joint while visiting Wellington recently...

She suggested the Whitehouse on Oriental Parade
He said book it..

She rings 018 - and asks for the WhiteHouse Oriental Parade Wellington..
The call centre bunny ,after a lengthy search, says there is no such joint.
Lambcut very slowly says I want the Whitehouse - Oriental Parade -Wellington

Ohh says the eager Call centre Bunny again - THE WHITEHOUSE in Washington USA???

At that point Lambcut gave up...

Monday 28 September 2009


We have been having a crap day. Age is a bitch that rides in on a menopausal wave and knocks you flat on your soft spreading saggy arse.

The day started badly. The weather was crap.
It did get better this afternoon though.

Now we always said that Bill English is an honourable man
and we were delighted but not surprised to see he is paying all his allowance back. It was legally his but he was having difficulty climbing the moral high ground. So three cheers for the boy from Dipton. He might spend a fair bit of time in Wellington but his proud bones , like ours, are from the deep south and down there honour is everything.

When we heard that news - we cracked a smile.

However the day ended on a bad note. We have pleaded in the past for Consumer Magazine or Fair Go to examine the woeful state of the Bra industry. Simply the bra wires do not last like they used to. Today our lefty wire snapped as we were getting into a taxi ( we paid for it not the tax payer).

Went off like a .22 rifle. And it poked a hole in our booby. Ouch...

So we want Bra wires to meet certain standards. We want bra manufacturers to be forced to use wire for Bra's that are tested to meet certain bounce tests.
Pleeease ...
Menopause, which means being constantly at the mercy of the 7 menopause dwarfs is bad enough without having to put up with faulty engineering.

So today was mainly crap and then we got home to find we had oversold 20kgs of whitebait and have none left for us.... sob....


Is there any woman out there who is going through menopause who still believes there is a God????!!!!


We make no secret of the fact that we think John Key is a good bugger but we were delighted to see him with his wife Bronagh on the front cover of the NZ edition of the Australian Womens Weekly.

They look like a great couple, normal and natural. And Bronagh shares a love and understanding of fashion as does Michelle Obama. And like all girly girls we love fashion. Most girls like to dress up.

If there is one position in society that has taken a back seat over the last decade or so its that of a wife and mother. We think that Bronagh will restore some Mana to that very very important job.

Update : the Hong Kong Harridan has had a poke at the polo shirt wearing Max Key. Well we would just like to say that we like polo shirts. The Son and heir to the Bustedblonde mortgage is a lover of polos.and he is very very cool. And polos are worn by most of the successful young(ish) men we know.

Cactus obviously spends far too much time with bloody old men who wear singlets under their bespoke shirts,or gay man bags, and not enough time with blokes her own age or even better - younger than her.


We have long admired Sir Ralph Norris , banker, affable bugger and a Maori. Ask anyone who has worked for him and they all say he is a good bugger.

He has been named as one of the top ten bankers in the world. That should make all kiwis very very proud.

Sunday 27 September 2009


They dont like soft cocks.....


In 1979 BustedBlonde completed a Diploma in Journalism at the then Wellington Polytechnic

Our class is are having our 30 year reunion in November.

We have managed to round up most people but there are a few missing.

Here are their names

If anyone can help please let us know


Andrew Muir

Angela Ots

Anna-Lyn Hall

Annelies Kamp

Brian Craig

Carol Jamieson

Carolyn Wakelin

Cindy Cameron

Debbie Willis

Wally Kuiper


Jim Hartley

Gill Shadbolt

Geoff Minchin

Jock McNair

Saturday 26 September 2009


We have been enjoying some wild and wicked weather in Tauranga where the Aussie Rock has a bit of a bach near the beach at the Mount.

When it was fine it was splendid but the torrential rain out did the sunbeams today. For all that Tauranga and the Mount are wonderful places to visit.

We are now back in Wellington and are off to Zico's with Spaz and his angel wife.

So we have had a quick scoot round the blogs and MacDoctor has the funniest post on Sue Bradfords departure from the Greens. We agree with his sentiments entirely.

And the Australian is breathless in their admiration for Key's decision to appear on Letterman. We initially thought it was dumb. But as someone who has lived in the USA pointed out, Key's self effacing corniness would have gone down a treat there. Its their sort of humour. However we also agree with Fran O'Sullivan - we cannot lose sight of the serious stuff either. Perhaps an armchair interview on Close Up, or even the Sunday programme to talk about the serious stuff and why it matters to New Zealanders. It would be good to give it some context that a quick flick on the 6pm news cant give.

And are we the only person who is going to fess up and say they dont understand what the hell John Key's comments about having the loosest slot machines really means?

Friday 25 September 2009


We gave a column from Brent Wheeler an airing the other day and it has been fisked by No Minister..

The comments are worth a look. Heres the best.

Dumb analysis. Try reading it again. Brent is saying that the incentives on farmer suppliers are to maximise the return on supply - which is what they are good at.

They face very poor, in fact perverse incentives, to maximise the return from value add, because value add requires capital, and capital requires Fonterra to hold-back dividend returns.

You can't have both. Its logically inconsistent, and a cash starved, dumb, politically driven beast is the result.

Fonterra can't even get their PR straight, are they managing the redemption risk, or are they trying to capitalise the value-add business? Can anyone tell?

Nope. The model is doomed, if Fonterra can scrape together a couple of hundies from this they put off the day of reckoning another year or two. So keep kicking the can down the road there Sagenz!

The fact your rellies were dumb enough to invest in the financial services industry is a non-sequitor. Whats that got to do with whether a regulated monopoly is a doomed whale thrashing around? I should also remind you that Dairy Farmers of Britain is in receivership. A classic example of what happens when a Co-op over leverages itself - it hands itself to its creditors.

There is your future under the co-op model. Fonterra is a price taker, not a price-maker.

Look at saturday's Herald. Fonterra is down to 21% assets to debt, this is dangerous territory for a Co-op with a redemption clause and just while I am piling on, Fonterra is NOT a price maker. That is just dairy propaganda.

If they were price makers, why was everyone surprised when the price went down. D'oh! Was it some cunning plan to disguise Fonterra's market power? Or was it that they take the world price?

Nor is Fonterra the largest dairy trader in the world. It is the largest player in the freely traded global commodity market. These are not the same things.

Most milk is traded under regulated protections (the EU and US in particular).

Fonterra is probably the best producer of basic dairy ingredients in the world. Thats fine, but it means NZ dairy farmers are in the commodity supply business. That is a business with low returns, and all the value is captured at the other end of the food chain. NZ dairy farmers are already at the mercy of those evil commodity traders, and no amount of propagandising can hide the fact that Fonterra is over leveraged and in trouble.

Hence the need to manage the redemption risk, by encouraging farmers to invest even more of their equity in the business.

So which bit of Brent's analysis were you disagreeing with again?


The glamourous god botherers over at M and M have coined a new name for those who read and follow blogs - Bloupies.. We prefer Grogs.

We have a wee few Grogs, We love and nurture our Grogs.

So M and M can have Bloupies - over here at Roarprawn we will have Grogs.
Great Glorious and Good Grogs.
Glory be to the Grogs.


We think so.

We were dubious that Key had a programme that made use of his talents and positioned NZ well on the world stage. We must have been having a bit of a black hat day as it is clear that John Key is doing very very well.

We think that its because he is a Good Bastard. Obama went looking for him.
He is prepared to look like a dick on USA TV because it gives our tourism invaluable exposure. He foots it on the world stage. He looks like he is enjoying it and and he does it in his inimitable good bastard style.

He should become the patron of the Good Bastards club.

Send him some brews Paddy.


Well we had our doubts. John Key's US visit looked a little light on the promotion and heavy on the diplomacy "we want world peace" stuff.

So he fronts David Letterman - it was cringe making in the extreme. But intensely watchable for its cringeworthiness.

And it was probably worth millions in free advert time.

Key took one for the team. shit it musta hurt, and NZ was the winner on the day.

That's our man.

Thursday 24 September 2009


We grew up with a love of Howard Morrison's music. Our dad is one of his biggest fans- He would jiggle and twist to Howards sing a long songs and laugh out loud at his comedy routines. But most of all we remember when Sir Howard gave one of his great renditions of How Great thou Art, dad would suddenly get a lot of dust in his eye.

Thanks for the dust Howard.


You hear the darndest things when you are in the provinces. We are in a secret location in the Bay of Plenty. Anyway - the gossip running throught the accountancy world is that an increase in GST is pending. - Up from 12.5 to 15 percent. We hear that some bean counters are warning businesses to get their systems ready for the increase which they think will happen pretty soon.


Yesterday we went to the funeral of Garry Ralph Ward. It wasn't so much a funeral as an ocassion. You see Garry and a few mates like Thorpey and Quinny had been to a funeral of a mate about ten years ago and were bored ridged after a lengthy rambling very religious service. So all three went home and wrote their services.
So the instructions for Garry's funeral were specific. It wasnt to be boring, he named some of the music he wanted and the people he wanted to speak.

Anyway, there were poignant moments of sadness, large doses of humour, and the odd revelation and just like Wardy it was never ever boring - not even for a second.

Garry was a good kiwi bloke who had an impact on many many peoples lives. He heart was firmly captured by his family and his passions were broadcasting and sport. He got to live his dream on so many levels and he lived each day to the full and included many in his good life.

After the service at the Old St Pauls, we all departed to the Sports Cafe as per Garry's instructions. It was what all funerals should be , a few moments to reflect the loss of a loved one from our lives followed by a celebratory look at the impact they had on us all , and finally a few beers and wines to lubricate everyones memories and tell some more yarns.

So in the next few days we will probably sit down and plan our funeral. And we promise, it wont be a long service, we will demand humour and like Garrys it will be a bloody interesting and enjoyable and memorable occasion.


We are delighted to hear that the government is going to put a freeze on state sector pay packets. ( And that includes firemen who are just public servants with cool trucks) About time and we also like the idea of tidying up the backroom that houses the machinery of government. Duplication and waste still abound. The idea of warehousing the myriad of 0800 numbers across the state sector is a smart one. and purchasing is another area that could be vastly improved.

We know that the general populace wants to see a leaner public service - it is still a fat and ponderous and often unfocused beast.

Monday 21 September 2009


Every now and then you come across something that someone has written that requires a very wide audience. This essay by Brent Wheeler should be required reading for everyone who has a stake in our economy.

Dairy Farmers are about to be asked to make some decisions about the future of Fonterra.

The farmers have always been scared about outside investment worrying that it would mean they would lose control.

Brent has done a very neat dissection of the issue. It's a brave article. Journalists should add Wheeler to their list of "go to" people for comment as the round of farmers meetings are rolled out across the country.

Take this pithy take on the robustness of the model. He contends that it only exists by state coercion through legislation.

No one else needs or gets that hand up. If this model is so robust why is force needed? This is anti smacking stuff for farmers. A large number of nursery rhymes about collective behaviour, weak selling and such like have circulated for years while the evidence says, unsurprisingly, that these people are price takers not price setters and no amount of collusion can stop competition for long - ask OPEC.

He has concerns about the fact that Fonterra in its current form is exposed on many fronts and is by and large run via a political process.

And he scoffs at the fact that farmers are being forced to accept high risk and paying top dollar for an equity stake.

Third, "their" company is asking them to invest at a cost of equity about which little is known other than the fact that it's limited liquidity, its rules around ownership and the dependence of the model on state imposed monopoly all combine to drive risk higher than standard levels. Paying over the top for equity in a company you have a compulsory sales arrangement with in which the company sets the price is, at the very least, bizarre.

He thinks that the whole set up is Schizoid

Thus capital comes and goes with redemption and growth fighting one another in a process which never sees a stable capital structure. The value of permanent capital was recognised by the Dutch and the English in the middle of the 17th century.

Just what price is "enough" for the rights to be a part of all this? We don't know but may be about to find out. What is for sure is that it's pointless looking for objective answers from farmer politicians who have everything to lose and nothing to gain.

And why should we be asking questions?

Well that's simple says Wheeler.

It would be useful if a few more critics turned some serious spotlight on the political roadshows to come - after all, that monopoly is granted by taxpayers - not farmers, not by suppliers to Fonterra, not by Fonterra management and certainly not by farmer politicians. Taxpayers too are owed some accountability.

Brent has mapped out some of the key areas for debate. We will return to Eye2theLongRun

as the issue progresses.


Well you here some good stories when you are on tour as we currently are. You also see some pretty interesting things. More on that later.

However, some pertinent questions of the day.

How long will it take before Ralston becomes the must read blog for everyone in the media.

Who made the decision to put Key on Letterman?

Whats up with the Bill Liu scandal?

Can someone please draw a map of all Crown Land ( including DOC estate ) that does not have a high conservation value?

And finally a joke.

A woman gets rushed to hospital with a heart attack and on the operating table she has a near death experience. She see the light in the distance and there stands God.
"Bugger me" she says. "I'm dead."
"Nah sorry" says God, "you are not. I have decided that you aren't ready to come and join us in heaven yet."
" Really! How long have I got? she asks.

"Oh, 43 years and 62 days" says God..

The woman soon regains consciousness.

And she decides that she is going to make the rest of her life the best it can be.
So she books herself in to the clinic and spa next door and gets a facelift, tummy tuck, full liposuction, teeth whitened, butt and tit lift. She gets her hair done and new nails. finally she is ready to leave. She walks out the door and heads across the crossing and gets wiped out by a bus.

She finds herself back in heaven .

"Shit God," she says -" you bloody lied to me! you said I had 43 years and 62 days to live. "

"You did," said God.

"So what happened?" the woman asked.

"I didn't recognise you....."

NZ guzumped by Aussie on World stage

Our boy is off to the US of A for a some serious discussions on matters of great importance to our nation.

While it is clear that Kevin Rudd is seeing his trip as a chance to promote Aussie as the must stop on the investment train, Key's trip has a wider focus. In fact it seems to have many foci. We have him on Letterman, at the behest of the Tourism Board, which is a very risky move,due to the piss taking nature of the programme. But the exposure is gold.

Then the focus for Key is very much on diplomatic relations with a raft of smaller countries Turkey, the Netherlands, Israel, Chile, Norway and Rwanda. And he is also going to have a hui with Helen about matters of Aid.

Now this is all good stuff but it contrasts with Australia and Rudd who is clearly on a focussed mission to get big dollars down under. He wants Australia to be a lightening rod for international investors.

We as a nation have always spurned other peoples money as somehow being something that is not good. Aussie on the other hand embraces it.

While Key’s programme in USA is interesting its all about being best friends with a whole heap of nations looking for best friends. Rudd on the other hand, is opening the door to investors to help his country build on its already impressive financial position.

We don’t get many opportunities in this environment and seriously folks – Keys agenda looks a bit lightweight and doesn’t look like we are serious about doing the stuff that will help grow the economy.

We really only need to look across the Tasman to see how it should be done.

Sunday 20 September 2009


After spending the last two days shifting apartments we are now in the Koru Lounge in Wellington on a little trip to Christchurch and we are surrounded by All Blacks. Now for many of our years we have been able to smell the piquant fragrance of power - the pheromones that those in charge give off in litres. It is the best of all aphrodisiacs. We can report that the smell of success on All Blacks who have just whooped the arse off the Wallabies is that same heady, scent.

It would be enough to make banty chickens like Cactus all moisty.

She is right - Carter is a wee cutie. We however find the older alpha males, like Wayne Smith much more attractive.

UPDATE Lordy - After blogging on our good fortune about being surrounded by All Blacks and enjoying the scent of success, Big Oil is worried we will stick to our seat.....

And Irish Lass suggests that maybe the young bucks would appreciate a Cougar... Flea bitten Tigger maybe but we aint a cougar.......

Friday 18 September 2009


We are in the Koru Club on the way back to Wellington after a productive and enjoyable week in Auckland.

Now we were a bit peckish so decided to have a scone and jam. We had a scone but whatever the red stuff was it wasnt jam. It was more akin to red glu with woody bits in it. the scones were good. the Jam spoilt them.

Thats all - we just wanted to whinge.

Update - I paid for my Koru Club membership - however I would be entitled to one due to the amount of travel I do, I understand.

Thursday 17 September 2009


Gary Ward passed away today - He was a friend, one of the nations finest broadcasters, funny, generous and a good bastard.

We will miss his wit and wisdom.. We reckon he will be sitting up above somewhere, chuckling at his mates having a bit of a wake today at Zicos. He will probably have a mike in his hand giving a commentary to those he now rests with.

Go in Peace Garry Ralph.


Laws has cemented his place as one of the most venal swinging dicks in NZ. He reckons the decision of the Geographic Board is racist...

Its about a spelling mistake!!!! Thats it. Spelt Wanganui it means nothing - unless you take a little bit of English slang Wanga ( wanger aka dick) and a little bit of Maori - Nui which means big and you have big dick.

Thats all Laws is - a really big dick.......


We have been following the issue of Michael Laws and his battle to keep the H out of his city Whanganui.

He got all pissy at a bunch of cool kids from a very good kura kaupapa in Otaki. We hope that today they pop the tops off some fizzy.

The geographic board decision is actually a pragmatic one. And as a national body it was an important decision and one children who are bi lingual , who study their language should be interested in.

So stick that up your pretentious little arse Laws.

H rules.


To blog because we are on a mission involving important matters of state in Auckland. However, we think that due to the stirling efforts of Cactus and Whale at Gotcha - we really don't need to say too much today. They have the most interesting blogs this morning

Our queen sizeness is well known. However we dont comment on stories about health so we will refrain on offering our $1.27c worth on this issue but it would be fair to say that Whale and Cactus appear to have stumbled on an interesting anomaly.