TIDDY DAY

Ohh I so need one of these ... A Tiddy bear... When you sport a pair of 18 DD Norks and you are a bit on the short side - seat belts are the bane of your existence..

In fact I want two - one for my handbag as well... and one for the Air New Zealand seatbelt. maybe that one could be called a twaddy bear.

ROARPRAWN IN ASSAULT

Its true.. Only in Australia

GULP

While BustedBlonde continues her quest to win her weight in Veuve Clicquot. ( link here and click the hand)

Cactus is on her way to drowning in Daquiris.. Judging by the size of this grown up slushy sucker... it aint gonna take long

Errrrrrrrr

Well ya just would, wouldn't you.....

GUESS WHERE CACTUS IS?

She appears a little bored..

BEST TRAVEL TIPS EVER..

One of the BOIL's best mates( and now a good one of ours) did the swanning around Europe having a good time thing recently... she did a blog, which sadly we have only just caught up on, called psudonim

she has some great travel tips... like .....


• You can ask any price for anything some idiot will pay

• Shoving a snake in someone’s face doesn’t mean you will get some action

• Sensible shoes and cobblestones are not necessarily a match made in heaven

• It’s ok to be called an Australian if the only other alternative is American

• Drinking plenty of bottled water in hot countries is only good when you know you will find a bathroom

• Shopping can be a hobby

• If you plan to stow away under a bus don’t wear your good shoes

• Trying the local wine is not always the a good option

• It’s important to give back, massages and manicures help the local economy

• If a taxi driver grunts when your luggage is tossed in the boot it will cost you

• Marcus Brutus and Marcus Aurelias lived 300 years apart

• Don’t believe everything the tour guide tells you

The rest are here - its a bloody fantastic read.....

FLATMATES

We are delighted Judith has delivered on her promise to house inmates in sturdy shipping containers.

We would like to see Corrections put Clayton Weatherston and William Bell together...

And how about .... Philip Field and Nai Yin Xue

and maybe Mary Ann Thompson and Stephen Versalko

So any other suggestions for suitable roomies in the new container cells?

EXPENSIVE ROUTE

We have it on good authority that a young political advisor has dished out a bit in expensive nose bags for - lets call her - media chick A, whom he wants to shag. Seems he told media chick B that he reckoned a decent nose bag would get media chick A between the sheets. However media chick B told media chick A of the Lothario's plan. Media chick A maybe getting fatter but young politico has yet to get his day in the hay.

Boy is learning an expensive lesson in sexual politics.

RANDOM BITS

We are lunching tomorrow at a fish place. Its pretty new and the chef has a hell of a reputation so it should be fun. Will report back .

Who is the press secretary who can do four lunches in two Fridays? We are in awe.

We reckon that St Johns serves the best steak in town.

Does anyone else feel pissed off that their ACC levies are subsidising bloody bikers?

Who would have though that HomePaddock would know more about sex than Cactus and Bustedblonde?

Isn't this the funniest blog you have ever seen?

SISTERS DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES

In a curious way we find ourselves deeply entertained by Cactus's nomination for the Madame Cliqout business woman of the year.

We spent most of yesterday with the previous winner Julie Christie, who was out flatmate and classmate of the 1979 Wellington Polytechnic Journalism Course. She was New
Zealands inaugural winner of the award and she surely deserved it.

However our bright flower of youth has surely wilted, as last night some of our class, who had not seen each other for 30 years, mistook the glamourous Julie for me. Ahh those wasted wanton nights of the past have taken their toll on Busted Blondes fair countenance. Where as hard work, and its rewards now shine from Julies. Dam it. And today Christie herself is in the news.

It is a prestigious award

Anyway, we are delighted that Cactus nominated Lisa Lewis for the award. We have always been fans of legalised prostitution. It provides a safety valve in society.

And Lewis has glamourised the profession and has willingly promoted herself and her work earning top dollar for her services as well. She knows the value in looking after her assets and is prepared to invest some capital in plant renewal. AKA a bit of gravity defying silicon in her rack. And knows the value of maintenance - keeping everything in top order with a exercise regime that requires considerable discipline.

More over, Lewis has taken the shame away for her job, she has helped give it a friendly face. She has turned prostitution into another suburban service like a dairy.

You go to the dairy to get milk. You go to Lisa to get milked.

Lewis also understands and uses marketing to great effect. She seizes every opportunity she can to promote her product.

Seriously though whats the difference in the way Lewis uses her assets as compared to someone like Nicky Watson or Charlotte Dawson?

We say that she is an admirable choice. So we salute Cactus for taking the initiative to nominate her and we salute Lisa for being a good nominee.

FRIDAY ROUND UP

So which three young likely lads working in the Beehive are known as the " Boy Band?"

Clues
- Be forewarned
- church big wig
- Rolling stone

Apparently all are popular with women. does this mean right wing politics is the new black?

Does any women actually shave their legs with the Gillette Vibrating Venus razor?

What does Tracy Watkins have against Minister for Agriculture David Carter to say, in a recent ranking article on Ministers performance, that he deserved a 3/10 when he is well liked and respected by the agriculture sector and that his caucus collegues are very impressed by how he manages his portfolio? And where did she ever get the idea that Key would give him the biff in any future cabinet reshuffle?


So what does Colin Espiner do now that Tracy Watkins was picked for the Fairfax political hub top job?

PLANTED

We have Laboured this weekend, We have planted, spuds, Jersey Bennies,Red Kings, and some purple maori spuds, zuccinni, green and yellow, butter nut pumpkin, caulis, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, coriannder, onions, parsley, mint, orgeano, vietnamese mint, chives, spinach and lettuces. Our goosberry bushes are laden, and the apple and pears are heavy with fruit.

We are a little weary, good weary none the less.

FRANKLY MY DEAR

We have borrowed this from Guido Fawkes

Disraeli on arriving home from the Commons to find that his wife had waited up for him with a game pie and a bottle of champagne.

“My Dear, you are more like a mistress than a wife”.

TRADER JACK USES NOVEL WAY TO CUT DOWN ON CARBON EMISSIONS

We think this is hysterical. The irrascable Trader Jack of the Cook Islands has put these very clever stickers over his loo paper dispensers. Reckons its a great way to save on tissue use and save the planet at the same time....

WANKY DECISION ON NAME

A group of West Coast women who entered a netball team in the Sydney Masters Games have had to change their team name. It was Master Baiters..... The double entendre is lit with incorrect pronunciation.

So the women took a pull and and now are the Master Netters.

We dont get it. Masturbaiting is good for your health. And the Masters Games is all about promoting good health.

PC .... wankers.....

BOSCAWENS BILL - WE SUPPORT IT - GIVE THE MAN A HAND

We support anyone who wants to legalise bottom patting. We like our bottom being patted... Really - we do. True.

FRIDAY ROUND UP

Is someone looking to buy Kiwi Rail? We heard it is so.

Why do Metrolinks conductors, shovel everyone into a few carriages on the trains to the Wairarapa, leaving some empty ones then halfway thru the trip the conductors take turns at sleeping in them ?

Why does Metrolink only employ geriatric narcoleptic sociopaths as conductors?

Hasn't Dockside gone downhill?

Is everyone else proud of our SAS - who are so good at their jobs that they only get the most interesting assignments?

Would an 18kt dildo feel better than a rubbery one? And will the Saying " good as Gold" take on a new meaning?


Is Boris Hampton really an insider?


Who else is hanging out for a feed of whitebait?

RICH AND FUNNY

We always have a giggle about NBR's rich list - we are amazed at the number of people we know whom it doesn't capture. However it is an interesting read. But it is completely overshadowed by this Ukrainian Rich List in the KYIV Post. It is very irreverent.....

Take this one for instance. ( Yip Cactus - he is cute - go find him!)

Net Worth: $753 million Age: 38 Marital status: Married, three sons and one daughter Industry: Metallurgy Last year: $2.4 billion

In December, Oleg Mkrtchian struck an important deal. The co-owner of the Industrial Union of Donbas (IUD) bought a 75 percent stake in the Kuban soccer club from Krasnodar, Russia. The team handsomely rewarded its new Ukrainian owner by winning the Russian First Division, and so from next season will compete in the Russian Premier League. The club’s annual budget is $18 million – quite impressive for a club anchored near the bottom of the table. For Mkrtchian, Russian football is an important social duty. Thee millionaire has a number of projects in the Krasnodar Territory, one of which is the construction of a metal factory in Armavir. IUD has but put a halt to its construction because of the crisis – one reason being the slack season in the metallurgical sector – but investment in football is a different matter. “For all football in Kuban, such a deal is good news,” writes the North Caucasus newspaper. “The territory’s budget will no longer be spent on the upkeep of a hopeless team.”

This will send you to bed with as smile.

TO MUMS EVERYWHERE

From the red hot prawn. Send it to your mum for Mothers day . She will love it....

OF MICE AND URBAN NUMPTYS

Lambcut had the temerity to call BB an urban numpty a while back. Her country creds come from spending half her life up to her low bum in sheep shit under the shadow of the Takitimu mountains.
Anyway out on the block in the Wairarapa, the field mice have been seeking solace in the warmth of the big shed as Autumn's damp chill takes hold.
We don't like mice. We are not scared of them, just think they are vile little bastards that have the ability to pee and poop a lot more than their tiny bodies would suggest.

Anyway a snivelling little mousy poobag ended up inside. I grabbed the very old fashioned cast iron toasty pie maker( the ones designed to go straight in the fire) and wumped him. Mashed mouse. End of story.

However the sheepish Lambcut had her own rodent battle this morning. But she has lost all her cred. She caught one in a trap. It squealed lots as its was trapped in the trap by its paws and as she used to say when she was just a wee tiny thing - "it frighted her very much"
So she went out side had a beer and a fag and got up a bit of courage. Then she took it and drowned it in the guest toilet. What a wuss.
Wrecked the family reputation for being fearless but humane killers of all things great and small.
Embarrassment she is, a bloody embarrassment.