MAJOR TOM TO GROUND CONTROL

The United Nations has lost all semblance of credibility with this latest effort. They have appointed an obscure Malaysian Astro - physicist Mazlan Othman to be the " first point of contact - should ET drop by for a beer and a yack.

How ridiculously and stupendously silly. People starve , people die in their millions and instead of feet on the ground the UN has its eye on the sky.

Duh.

Isn't that the place Helen Clark works now?

UPDATE: Okay so it appears that the story was based on a misinterpretation of a comment at a conference..

But it is interesting that people didnt have too much trouble believing that the UN would actually appoint someone to the alien grin and grip role.

Here is a very interesting take on the issue.

TAU FOR TE ATATU?

Bet Phil Goff had a serious case of indigestion after reading the Sunday Star Times this morning.

He is now in an untenable position after the Sunday Star Times has revealed that Chris Carter sought the advice from ex PM Helen Clark on returning to parliament. So he has decided on the strength of a wee korero with her to head back to work in Wellington.

ERRANT WEST AUCKLAND MP Chris Carter last night broke his silence, saying he was returning to parliament, having taken advice from the party's former head, Helen Clark.

Last week Labour leader Phil Goff told Carter to head home to think about his future, after his refusal to front to media and apologise for using his ministerial credit card to buy flowers and massages.

Goff said Carter, MP for Te Atatu, had failed to express contrition and forced him to apologise unreservedly.

Yip, so now he tells us all that he has sough the advice of Aunty Helen about the situation he had got himself in due to his arrogance and overblown sense of entitlement.

And by association she has now shown that she sees no wrong doing among any of her former troughing Ministers.

It is clear that Carter has respect for Clark but none for Goff. Carter also indicates that he is not sorry. He shows no contrition. He displays all the characteristics of a narcissist..

So Goff now has no choice. He will have to cut him loose.

When the Sunday Star-Times asked Carter if he felt pressured into apologising, he replied: "I think that, ah, ah, we had discussions around it, of course. I think I needed time to reflect on it. When you are shoved into a corridor with a whole lot of journalists who have been waiting three-and-a-half hours to interview you... it wasn't very conducive to clear thinking."

Carter said: "We could argue the rights and wrongs of whether I've done anything wrong. The only personal items were two bunches of flowers that a staff member sent on their card, and all ministerial travel was signed off."

He said the apology was given "because you have to think about what is good for the Labour Party".

And at the end of the day the country's sickliest political fruit cake is a stranger to the truth. And he has no political antennae if he agrees to be questioned at length by the Sunday Star Times on such tricky issues.

Carter was embarrassed again last week when it was revealed he promised exclusive interviews to both TV3 and TV One. "I guess I just wanted to be nice. It's called PR, that's what politicians do."

So Goff, to ensure any semblance of respect, will have to cut him lose and do it quickly.So there will have to be a by election in Te Atatu. That means Nationals Tau Henare will have to step up to the plate. Thats good - Tau looks to us to be as ready as he ever would be to take back Te Atatu.

HELL HOUND

Our son and his girlfriends dog Zeus is a ugly big monster but a complete wuss.... and he dislikes Helen Clark.

However he came in mighty handy when there was a plague of trick and treaters turn up on their doorstep last night as tghey reported on Facebook.

Rude trick or treaters just bowled in to my house last night didnt even knock, just opened the door, but boy did they shit them selfs when our 60kg dog ran at them barking and chased them out the gate hahaha never seen someone leave the property so fast so left him on the deck so could have some peace....no more trick of treaters for the rest of the night peace at last!

Zeus can be rented out for a modest fee.....

HELEN CLARK - A BIG FAIL

We have been at home today with a small but energetic bug which spent the night trying to escape our two main orifices simultaneously.

However we did listen to a very interesting interview by Geoff Robinson on RNZ 's Morning report
It was a shocker... Apparently Helen Clark is the invisible woman - who is not fronting to answer criticisms of how the UN Development Programme is operating or not operating.

At the heart of the concerns are the rampant corruption the UNDP is infamous for.

Clark even went as far as refusing to answer questions from a particular journalist and requesting to talk another. She is becoming conspicuous for not answering questions while her colleagues in other parts of the organisation front on a regular basis. The only time the UNDP has fronted, and it was one of her minions and not her - was to talk about Samoa. But it wont front on these issues :

A scandal in Zimbabwe

A tale of Russian corruption

Trouble in Afghanistan


In New Zealand, Clark had the luxury of a sycophantic 4th estate. She has no such luxury in the United States where the underground press, blogs and indeed big news agencies wont put up with crap.

Is Clark out of her depth?

We think so..


UPDATED And Gonzo has uncovered some evidence that shows Clark has indeed gone to ground over corruption at the UNDP .

THE GREAT PRETENDER

Our mate David Farrar has been having a nosebag courtesy of Ngai Tahu. He told me in passing earlier this week that he was a guest of the PR firm that Mark Solomon hires to write all his stuff at the Wellington Chamber of Commerce celeb breakfast this week.

Its a common enough ploy of PR people to invite influential people to enjoy their hospitality. Been there and done that.

I think I suggested to David that he was dining with Ngai Tahu's spinners far too often and they were wanting to take advantage of his position as a serious media influencer. I think I was pretty rude ( actually I was ) but he took it in good grace. My position on Solomon is well documented and David accepts my right to have a differing opinion. I like that in a person.

I think, for the sake of the tribe that Solomon must go.

However it appears for a plate of Bacon and Eggs with some OJ on the side, David has succumbed yet again to the web that was woven by Team Solomon and is happy to sing the praises of Mark.

Its a shame really. A shame that better analysis and probing is not applied to the Ngai Tahu machine.

Solomon is like Helen Clark - he has past his Use By Date. Only difference is Clark was the brains behind the speeches and policy she made.

Solomon, on the other hand relies on the wit and wisdom of others. That does not an inspiring leader make.

ONLY VINDICTIVE ONE IS CLARK

Clark is turning into a whinging whiny old woman. First she reckons that it was out of pure " vindictiveness that the Nats have pulled back on her " sustainability agenda." We now see pragmatism instead of dogma underpinning NZ's approach to climate change sustainability etc and we are glad of it.

Then in the wholly sycophantic piece by Tracy Watkins, we see her whinge about the decrease in funding levels for aid mismanaged by the UN. Clark would do well to remember that she is parked up in one of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the world in an organisation that has written the book on bureaucratic corruption. The easiest way to ensure that poor people get what they need is to ensure that the organisation she works for cleans up its very dirty act. And for the record - how many tonnes of carbon has she racked up flying here there and everywhere to see how poor people live. A click of the button on a computer with a decent broadband should show her well enough.
Doesnt she have enough minnions to tell her?

So what is the carbon chomping airfare budget of Ms Clark and what is she doing to reduce the costs of the gold plated corrupt organisation she work for?

She is quoted as saying she had " one big job left in her."

Its a job in a big organisation - not a big job. And not one that will make a wit of difference to poor people around the world.

And by the way - who paid for watkins jaunt to the UN?

WHISPERING GRASS II

We missed this story on TV3 on Saturday about the Brash emails and the impending release of the police file on the issue.

Brash reckons he wont every find out who stole them. Maybe he is right. However, what we want to know is why they were stolen and why the police investigation was so shoddy and what the hell the secrecy was all about. And TV3 have also mentioned the burglary of Diane Foreman's home. ( she was Brash's par amour) what was taken- was it really expensive stuff or just really interesting stuff?

So this week we wait with interest to see what the contents of the police file on the Brash emails contain.

SHEARER - SOCIALIST WOMEN'S EYE CANDY?

OK, he is losing as bit of hair and he looks like he is part ginga but he's easy on the eye and the latest revelations by Whale and Kiwiblog show that he is going to be perched on the most right hanging branch of the Labour Party tree. He likes guns and shooting, likes private armies, has been overseas. He was the Heralds man of the year in 1992. He speaks well, looks kinda cute - for an almost ginga.

What a huge contrast to the androgynous Ms Clark.

All the wee red missys will be fizzing at the bung. He will be a shoo in for the Mt Albert nomination.

SANITY BY CULLEN

Excellent stuff. John Key give Cullen a job and the bugger rewards him with a good idea that is likely to take the heat out of one of the most controversial pieces of legislation affecting this country's race relations.

What many people don't know is that unlike Clark, Cullen is very highly regarded in Maoridom after his pragmatic get down to business approach over a number of high profile Treaty claims. So this move will increase his mana. However the cynic could suggest that this move by Cullen is just a ploy to ensure a continuing and lucrative career in Treaty negotiations withy his new best brown friends.

HELEN CLARK'S SEE YA LATER SPEECH

Here it is

<------- what we think .

HOOTON ON GROWN UPS

We wish that the NBR would put Hooton's column on line - even if it was after midday - its always a bloody good read - short and to the point but erudite laced with irony and lashings of subtlety and we are having lunch with him next week at one of Auckland's finest dining establishments.



Ooops we digress. Anyway we went out an bought a copy of NBR and got some hamsters to type it out again -

When Murray McCully was Housing Minister, tenants in Wainuiomata reported that paint fumes were making their homes unliveable. The complaints kept coming but Housing New Zealand kept denying them.

Eventually, Mr McCully had had enough. Without telling anyone, he had a government limo drive him to Wainuiomata to visit the main complainant. The fumes were overwhelming. Mr McCully sorted the problem and everyone was happy, except Housing New Zealand. He appears to be taking the same common-sense approach to his job as Foreign Minister.

Adolescence

Prior to 1984, New Zealand had a toddler foreign policy, dependent on the UK and the US. Our approach since has scarcely been more sophisticated, being based on the ludicrous notions of “independence” and “New Zealand leadership”.

In truth, there can be no such thing as an “independent” foreign policy. Foreign policy, especially for small states, is about interdependence: assessing one’s own interests and those of others, seeing where they align, and working together to achieve them, even when this requires the odd principle to be compromised.

A foreign policy that was truly independent would be entirely ineffectual.

“New Zealand leadership” is even more preposterous. The theory was that if New Zealand became nuclear-free, even at the cost of our security guarantee, other countries would be sufficiently impressed to follow. Later, the idea came to cover everything from trade liberalisation to climate change to goody-two-shoes foreign aid. Other than ironically securing Helen Clark a job at the UN (how “independent” does it make us to slavishly follow that corrupt body?) it has failed utterly.

No country awaits New Zealand leadership. The US and USSR didn’t abandon their nuclear arsenals; the EU hasn’t opened its market; no one will follow New Zealand in destroying their economy with an all-sectors, all-gases emissions trading scheme; and everyone else understands that states don’t give charity, they pursue their interests with cash.

A strategy of “independence and “leadership”, divorced from the interests of friends and allies, does not even work for great powers, with the only recent example of someone arguing otherwise, other than Ms Clark, being George W Bush.

To believe that one can be truly independent from others, and that one’s own recklessness will impress them, is to be the one thing more annoying than a toddler. It is to be an adolescent.

Adulthood

The unlikely figure of one-time larrikin Mr McCully has emerged to lead us into adulthood.

His speech this week to the NZ/US Council was firmly founded on New Zealand’s interests. “New Zealand”, “NZ” or “we” meaning New Zealand appeared 78 times. “United States”, “US”, “America” or “you” meaning the US appeared 40 times.

The content was about working with the Americans to fight protectionism to prevent a Great Depression; the benefits to New Zealand of a peaceful and stable Afghanistan; opportunities for American and New Zealand scientists to work together to combat climate change and the importance to New Zealand and the US of a stable South Pacific. It gave no ground on the nuclear issue. It included nothing Labour Leader Phil Goff could disagree with, emphasising that Mr McCully, as Foreign Minister, speaks for both main parties, consistent with the ideal of a bipartisan foreign policy.

But Mr McCully’s speech was not arrogant. It was common sense. Everything he said was based on facts gleaned from his conversations with his counterparts rather than lectures he plans to deliver to them. It included no highfalutin rhetoric about New Zealand’s importance to the rest of the world. “Leadership” was used once, in the context of the need for American leadership if trade liberalisation is to be progressed in the Pacific. And finally, after so many years, the nonsense about “independent” and “independence” appeared not at all.

We agree with Hooton on the issue of the UN - it is a very very corrupt organisation and we think it was a masterstoke by the current administration to back Clark into the post. They win if she lessens the corruption and they win if she falls flat on her face.A classic Dark Arts manouvre - very House of Cards.

URGENT DIPLOMATIC TRAFFIC REQUIRED

This just in from Diplomatic Prawn

On the agenda of the meeting on November 18, 2008, is the re-election of the director-general of the ILO, Mr. Juan Somavia from Chile for another five year term. Mr. Somavia is the single contender for the office.

The ILO headquarters in Geneva said in a press statement that a special guest, “Mr. Angel Gurria, Secretary-General of the Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development, will address the Working Party on 17 November. The discussion is being held in the context of new estimates suggesting a significant increase in unemployment and the number of working poor due to the financial crisis”.

The ILO stated, “The serving Director-General, Juan Somavia is the single contender. As of 17 October, the final date for the presentation of candidatures, the Governing Body had not received any other candidates”. Mr. Somavia was first appointed D-G of the ILO in March 1999.

Well, we here at Roarprawn can think of someone who would be good for this job...

HIVE SAYS WASHINGTON FOR CLARK

We think that this would be an inspired move. She is a lefty, hes a lefty and we know how comfortable she is around Maori - Just ask Tariana. So she wont have any problem dealing with Obama.

And whats this? Jones up to his old tricks - the wily dali maori boy is doing the numbers - no surprise there, anyone of the Maori intelligensia will tell you that backroom politics is Jones forte.
And remember we still have the Bill Liu scandal to play out yet as well.

It is going to be an interesting week.

WHO WILL REPLACE HELEN?

Our money is on Goff, and King.
Cunliffe is very unpopular in his own caucus - he's known as the teachers pet. That means that he is too close to Helen. So he aint gonna get the support he needs.

CLARKS A HYPOCRITE -TV3 TAPE

First Clark sez the tapes a cracker then she denies that she knows anything about it.

Its a lame tape but Bill needs a slap for being a mouthy dork. He needs to be tied to a post and John Key should be allowed to chuck kinas at him.

But the reality is his comments are hardly earth shattering.

Labour might not have more but maybe we do.

GREENS GET BROWNIE POINTS FOR THIS ONE.

The Herald is reporting that the Greens are saying no to being in cabinet with Winston. We would have liked them to show some integrity a lot earlier - it takes the gloss off their moral stance a bit. but better late than never.
This makes Clarks job pretty hard - she doesn't have much to wiggle room now.

WORDS THAT WILL RESONATE WITH ALL OF NZ

The NBR was with Key on the campaign trail.

During a speech he told the audience this :

"I've had nine years of being told what lightbulb I can screw into the house, what shower I can take, what food I can eat, what things I can do, what thoughts I am allowed to have.

"I don't need another three years of Helen Clark telling me what to do. I don't need another three years of Jeanette Fitzsimons telling me what to do, I don't need another three years of Winston Peters telling me he needs a God damn helicopter."

Hat Tip Kiwiblog

FAO AND BIGGER FISH

Wellington Hive does a good job of joining the dots this morning in light of the Peter Dunne expose.
We agree, more questions need to be asked about Winstons visit to the FAO on his way to watching boxing in Las Vegas - a trip we reckon he didn't pay for.

Peters now is a PROVEN liar. With pictures. We cannot believe a thing he says or has said in the past. Not that WE ever did but too often he has been given the benefit of the doubt by the media and the general public and we wonder how long his own MP's will stand by him now.

And Helen continues to back a bone fide liar. - Well thats going to be a government you can trust - not.

EVEN THE LEFT DESPISE CLARK

Hootons column in the Sunday Star Times is worth of a read this morning but I cant find it on line - So I had to buy one.

Anyway - This is the first couple of paras.

After the defeat in 1990 of the last Labour Government, in which Helen Clark was deputy Prime Minister, the late, great left wing writer Bruce Jesson confessed his difficulty in treating it fairly, because, he wrote, he had come to despise them.
"Everything I wrote about them dripped with contempt. They were a government entirely without principle, cynical and untrustworthy,who clung to power for the sake of it," he said

Hooton notes he knows how Jesson felt. We couldn't agree more.

BOO!

So the competition for the scariest poly goes to Helen Clark according to the Herald

No surprises there.