ACT OF OLD

Well there are few surprises in the ACT list.

However keeping the 3rd spot open leads to speculation its either Catherine Isaac or Cathy Odgers.

We are glad to see that the very odd Hilary Calvert is toast. But at the end of the day its still a party of old people especially if its Isaac at 3 . Which makes it a party of the past - not of the future. Thats a bugger.

For once the old turks of Act should have looked past what must be their very short dicks and an onanistic view of life - and put some up the candidate food chain who are at least closer to forty than sixty. Sadly its not the case.

It should have been Cactus Kate Cathy Odgers at #3, and there were a few young ones who should have also been given the nod for a place within cooee of the top spot to indicate a willingness to rejeuvenate the ranks.

There are two young men in the middle order but they are both more of the academic ilk than get out and take a risk Alan Gibbs and Bob Jones types and too far down the ranks to have a snowball chance of getting an MP salary.

David Seymour, 28, who is number six on the list and standing in Auckland Central, has just returned from a role as a senior policy analyst at the Frontier Centre for Public Policy in Canada. He is an also an author and rugby coach. Mr Seymour stood for the ACT Party in the 2005 in the Mt Albert electorate.

Stephen Whittington, 25, who is number eight on the list, works in the tax law team of a corporate law firm. He is also a champion debater who has been named as one of the top ten speakers in Australasia and in 2009 was named as the 15th the best speaker in the world. Mr Whittington has worked as an adviser to Sir Roger Douglas in Parliament.

Cactus would have fired up the campaign like none of the others could. They needed her intellectual grasp of what ACT really stands for and the courage and conviction to articulate it so others could see the sense in some of their old party values.

Even though Isaac is much admired for preserving her good looks despite her advancing years - she is just as much an old boiler as Boscowen, Banks, and Doddery old Don.

Sadly they got rid of the only bugger who doesnt fire blanks - Rodney Hide and they must be rueing the day they made that decision.

We reckon ACT will be in the political wilderness post this election - consigned to jumping up and down and uttering outrageous statements in the hope that someone will give them a column inch or two in the local community paper.

And while we were in Auckland it is very evident that ACT is far from a sure thing in Epsom - which they must win to have a shit show of making the political grade.

ACT for relevance? No

ACT for the future - Not a bloody chance.

UPDATE : Whale is absolutely on the button when it comes the skullduggery behind the scenes in ACT.

CLUSTERF**CKAROONIES

Crikey - Bustedblonde and the Brunette bugger off to the traditional killing fields and Lambcut finds her inner arab, Don Brash gets a hard on , Trevor Mallard launches a smear campaign of stellar proportions which could indicate he will announce his retirement soon and Hone Harawira cuddles up to terrorists.

And somewhere deep in the heart of Pakistani suburbia America finds Osama Bin Laden in the first place they should have looked - his house.

While sitting on an island far far away BB and the Brunette had to listen to RNZ as it was the only station that had reception so far south.

So 0ur predictions?

If Brash doesn't shut the fuck up and stop burbling on to journalists and have a bit of a think before he whistles wank words through his rabbitty molars - ACT will be history.

Getting a hard on as the new leader of ACT is understandable but poor old Bustedblonde and Brunette struggled to listen to RNZ as Don droned on for no good reason.

Message to Don - less is more. Economy of thought and in speech old bean.

And Rodney Hide showed great dignity in defeat. We hear he wants a new life with a new bubs and missus. We wish him well.

We were also ever so pleased that Dr Brash gave Heather Roy nothing. Its what she deserves.

As to Hone? Ya toast mate - sorry but the only bastards who vote for you are the pricks who seldom piss before lunch so there is no way they are going to get out of their own way to saunter along to the polling booth.

And to America? Can we have the facts about Obama please? And we will need to batten down the hatches- there a long war on the horizon and it will not benefit NZ.

And finally to Trevor Mallard - you sad sorry idiot. We still cant stop laughing over the "twenty questions" blog stream - the origins of these rumours, is a couple of deep throats, in more ways than one, who have a voracious sexual appetites that required political variety.

We bet that there is a wet willy somewhere in Labours ranks.

And to the authors of the 5 texts who wondered if we were in anyway involved in the Brash Coup- We don't do bloodless coups- too boring. And besides the Brash coup was really an elegant updated version of a successful strategy- that level of sophistication is way beyond the capabilities of our simple dimple brain.

STUDENTS GET TO CHOOSE

Excellent! And ActonCampus has done a fantastic job of running the information and lobbying campaign for making joining student unions voluntary. Heather Roy has fronted the bill, good to see her back in harness doing things to make the world a better place instead of dreaming of getting rid of Rodney..

BUSTBLONDE FRATERNISES WITH THE LEFT

We are astounded, Bustedblonde was apparently seen with none other that the cherubic faced pinko unionist Matt McCarten in Auckland yesterday. She has told us that she was quite taken by the strategy maestro and his passion for the cause - the United the Union. He was sporting a little lapel button that said UTU United the Union..

The Dark Prince of lefty politics was in the company of the most popular talkback duo in the country - John Tamihere and Willy Jackson. Dark deeds were being plotted - but maybe thats because they are all Maori fellas.

Anyway. Bustedblonde drank and scoffed with them and undoubtedly increased her already substantial girth. We are expecting that Whale Oil and Cactus will be calling for her expulsion from the VWRC forthwith.

Apparently the three Maori Sopranos are going to be at a very important function this weekend . Lady June, Willys mama is getting her gong from the Guvnor General.

John Banks and Len Brown will be there along with Rodney Hide but apparently Maori MP's have been slow to respond to their invites..

Seems the Urban / tribal Maori bullshit is still alive and well.

IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR BREAKFAST ...

Then dont read this... Heather Roy coming over all saintly and principled.. Barf..

HEATHER HAS NOTHING TO OFFER

Its a sad thing to see - an inflated ego... but everytime we see Heather Roy all we see is ego.. She tried to stage a coup - she lost. She is of no use to anyone - ( well maybe Simon Ewing Jarvie does...)

She seems to think that because Defence Minister Wayne Mapp wrote her a lovely letter that she must be really good at her job. Wayne Mapp maybe a bit on the stodgy side but he is an utter, utter gentleman.. A truly lovely cuddly bear of a bloke. And of course he wrote her a lovely note -because he probably thought the silly bint wasn't coming back! It would have been in style of a reference letter for future employment post parliament.

But no - she thinks its because she was really good. Reality and her are truly divorced.

Time to make way for someone else - Disloyalty can never be forgotten nor forgiven.

RODNEY IS NOT BACKTRACKING

He has probably got new information and he realises that public sentiment is now shifted from Heather as hero to Heather at zero..

We are still expecting more details...

Heather must realise now that her actions have caused considerable damage to ACT. As we have said before its only right and proper that she resign.

ROY SAYS NO SHAGGING

Heather Roy says there was never any improper relationship between her and her scuzball advisor Simon Ewing Jarvie.

Well, she maybe a lightweight politician but we have never take her for a liar. However women can do strange things under the spell of the lust fairy..

And quite frankly she still wanted to roll Rodney. She still had aspirations above her station. She still did not control her advisor.

So she should still resign.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Okay - by now everyone has read Whale Oils account of the failed black ops coup that seemed to have Simon Ewing Jarvie and Heather Roys mitts all over it, so will some reporter be brave enough to ask the question that is on everyones mind?

Were Heather Roy and Simon Ewing Jarvie shagging???????

WHALE LIFTS THE LID ON ACT DEBACLE

Well, well, we thought as much.. We have met few people we have loathed as much as Simon Ewing Jarvie.. He is a prize prick and as Whale has now shown - a duplicitious arse with an overblown sense of his own piss and importance.

He doesn't have much cred in Defence circles either..

Heather Roy had aspirations above her station and may well have been seduced by SEJ macho politiks. His fawning will have engorged her ego.

Kiwiblog has, as usual an insightful analysis of the Defence paper and the caucus speech at the heart of the issue.

Rodney has not handled the aftermath of this all that well but as Whales info has shown - he is definitely not the villain of the piece.

Politics is a brutal business. And tough talking, tension and full and frank discussions can be found in all parties. ACT is no different in that regard.

However, we are not sure they can come back from the brink. We hope they can. We like the fact that they put a bit of steel in the economic spine of the country.

NATS BEHEADING ACT

ACT is toast.. We said yesterday that ACT was in parliament only at Nationals favour and it seems that that Key has had enough of the silly buggers and their appalling infighting.

The guillotine blade has been dropped by Key. Thats it. The partnership is over.He has signalled they will be standing a National candidate in Epsom. A good one.

Sad really we think ACT was important to give economic policy a little more of a lean to the right.

Sadly when all the details finally come out - we are confident that it will be revealed that this is all the fault of an egotistical political advisor and a desire for some utu.

SIMON IS A DICKHEAD

Well we think he is.. Shame that Heather didn't...

ROY SHOULD RESIGN FROM ACT

ACT is only in parliament because the National Party is happy for Rodney to continue as the MP for Epsom. When Key thinks that there is no longer a need for ACT , National could stand a decent candidate and ACT would disappear in a puff of smoke.

Heather Roy was never in danger of becoming a highly effective Minister.. She was more of a novelty and now she looks to have been involved in the release all the internal argy bargy of the party to the media. That shows that she doesn't have a scrap of loyalty either. She has to be linked in one way or another, to the documents " leaked" today. She has admitted they were a draft - they were her thoughts. It was an action that will damage not only Rodney but the party - she would be an absolute hypocrite to hang around in parliament.

Now there is no doubt that Act is a very blokey macho party but Roy has not got the spine to cope with the rough and tumble of the toughest game in town.

We thought that she had an overdeveloped ego and little talent. And now we see her forgoing any vestige of self respect by appearing on national tv and denying that she thought Rodney was a bully and that she was intimidated.

She has not a shred of credibility left.

Hide and ACT have no choice - she must go from the party.

Hopefully she will show one last bit of dignity and resign.

However the party cannot shy away from the fact that being too blokey is an issue. Its time the party cast around for some good women with spines of steel.. Sort of right wing Judith Collins types.

Where is Cactus???

IS THIS WHY ACT LOST DEFENCE?

Audrey has an interesting take on what has happened that led to Heather Roy being given her marching orders. We think that there is still more to this story.

Why would ACT give up the defence portfolio? They have always had strong support from a powerful group of old Defence hawks. Losing the defence portfolio would not please them.

BOMB A FIZZER ?

Good - Roy is gone in a clinical display of leadership by Hide. However we tend to agree with John Armstrong. The voters and supporters have a right to know why. Hide should - well, hide nothing.

He needs to be transparent about the reasons for dismembering the party.

And if indeed there was a neutron bomb - one would have expected it to explode by now. Hides refusal to reveal what Roy was sacked for will just continue to fuel speculation that what she did was serious. And the fact that ACT no longer has the Assoc Defence portfolio in itself speaks volumes.. One can only speculate about a lack of trust on the part of National that it has taken the portfolio back inhouse.

We will watch the events of the next few days with a great deal of interest..

EARLY ELECTION?

Well by our calculations there is a 30% chance.

Act have gone into the crisis caucus meeting with both sides claiming to have a neutron bomb that will explode the other faction.

We have been told that there are some sensitive defence docs around and that there is huge angst around who has seen them. Just who has done what is the talk of the town.

We have not seen any documents nor do we want to.

So in the wake of this scandal - the longevity of the party has to be in doubt. If ACT implodes the Maori Party becomes the party of power and indeed that means Hone Harawira could become too powerful for the Nats to stomach.

So an early election? Its possible but not probable.

What is a certainty, is overblown egos will see the downfall of a party that many in National have great affection for - simply because its existence ensures that the Nat's economic agenda is as dry as possible in these centrist, populist, political times.

ROY TO GO?

Apparently..... No surprises here

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE COY ROY

Saw a whole heap of ACT staffers out for a quiet wine tonight  and among the young throng was Rodney Hide, laidback - just one of the boys.  It was a  leaving bash for one of the young uns heading overseas to see how politics is done in the mother country.   Heather Roy  was no where in sight. Funny thing that.

CODDINGTON CARVES UP ROY

After an afternoon spent planting roses and lavender, we were wondering what we would write about - and then we had a squizz at some of our favourite blogs and columns and realised that our work had been done for us.

Firstly the best bitch slap we have seen for a while. All the better because it was so deserved.

ACT's saccharine sweet Heather Roy gets a smack from columnist Deb Coddington.

It will have hurt - as it should.. Heather has aspirations a way above her station.

Its time the prissy missy got real and realised that she is only a Minister because of Rodney and she hasn't even been a shining star in a portfolio that is a PR wet dream.

Act is Rodney - love him or loathe him. He is the brand.
And if Heather and the rest don't get it then they should walk. They are of course politicians of principle aren't they?

ITS CCOS YOU COULDNT GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

We can hear the howls of protest as the impact of Rodney's Auckland Super City reforms start to bed in hear in Wellington. Aspiring super city leaders are suddenly are faced with the realisation that their 75% of the city's services will be run like businesses by independent directors.

The directors of the Council Controlled Organisation CCOS will be appointed by the government with no input from the local politicians.

Fantastic! its akin to the ERO taking a look at a school - finding its in disarray and appointing a commissioner to sort it out . Aucklands civic leaders have presided over piecemeal, ah hoc services for decades.
They are collectively responsible for the position that the beating heart of the country now finds itself in - clogged arteries.
So why the hell do they think that they should be entitled to have a say in who sorts the bloody mess out?

Go Rodney we say. Sort it. Bring in the toughest pragmatists you can find. Tough leaders with really big balls. The whole country will benefit from a durable solution.