SOOO TRUE

Funniest thing we have seen for ages

Hat Tip Alf Grumble

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

GARRETT NEEDS TO STOP BEING A WANKER

It appears MP David Garrett has hoof in gob syndrome. We feel bloody sorry for Rodney. This is the sort of distraction he could do without.

Threatening what are essentially public servants from airing their concerns and fears in the correct forum is just plain silly.

Now we are pro private prisons but any MP who puts the fear of god into workers for having a say is just being a bully.

He needs to be tied to a post and Rodney should chuck kinas at him.

PUBLIC SERVICE SHAKE UP - NEEDS MORE THAN THE WILL OF THE BOSSES

We are home with the snuffles after a 12 day break in Oz( party up with about 30 under fives and you are bound to get a bug!) so we were all ears and snuffles as we listened to the Treasury boss John Whitehead on RNZ this morning give the Public service a prod about productivity.

He is right and now Bill English has followed up saying the govt has given the public servants a year to get their shit together and deliver some efficiencies and productivity.

Anyway, we have been talking to others in the civil service and we are all of the same opinion. The boys at the top have been making some interesting decisions but its apparent some of them have lost touch with their departments and Ministries and its time they got out of their offices , walked the floor and had a bit of a chat with some of the staff who would be able to give them some pointers of how to improve things.

Most of the staff in the public service are well aware how well lubed the machinery of state has become and it is time that they be given the chance to add their two cents worth as to how savings and efficiencies can be made. Have a little faith guys and listen to people who work for you. They will give you answers you are looking for.

WHO IS GOING TO FEEL THE KNIFE?

Stuff reports on the human face of public service cuts. Its a crap story, one source and an unnamed one at that. Really really shoddy journalism.

However , they are right we are expecting some cuts to be announced pretty soon. Now if the Govt was being really pragmatic they would fold Womens Affairs into the Ministry Of Social Development. Customs may be feeling a bit underworked with drops in cargo in and out of the country. And what about staffing at our airports?

We expect to see some cuts in IRD - as businesses fold and there is less processing, All Policy departments need to be trimmed - halve them. Simple.

All publications to be reviewed. Move most on line. Ban Statements of Intent. WE dont want departments INTEND to do we want to know what they WILL do and then put some KPI's around it.

Building and Housing can be cut to half of its current staffing levels.

That's just a few for starters.

KEY TREATING PEOPLE LIKE ADULTS.

We are happy to lead by example. Times are tough - its time to get tough so we are more than happy for all Public servants to miss out on a pay rise this year. And amongst the Roarprawn ranks is more than one public servant. So good on Key for raising the thorny issue. That's what we like to see - balls. And we heard Goff wittering on RNZ this morning about the fact that Key should legislate to stop pay rises among the top echelons of the public service and MP's. That's the difference between National and Labour - National charts the direction and expects people to act like responsible grown ups. Labour wants to be in charge and doesn't trust people to be grown up - the Nanny state.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

Yip , this story about IT problems with the GSN is just the tip of the iceberg. There are IT cockups peppered right throughout the Public Service.

SECURITY CHECKS

We like Kiwiblog, have noted the Dominion Post Story on a big demand from government departments to do security checks on top level public service applicants in the wake of the Mary- Anne Thompson case.

We think that its a good move but we still wonder what checks the SIS did on Thompson. We like David Farrar had to undergo a security check which took six weeks to complete.
Mine was pretty bloody thorough. Evidently they seemed concerned that I might have been a Maori radical, a notion that was quickly extinguished by my referees.

Surely Thompson had to undergo a top secret clearance considering the type of information she dealt with during her time in and around the Beehive and government departments.

No doubt all these questions and more will be answered at Thompson's trial.

HOW WILL CHANGE COME ABOUT IF THERE IS NO CHANGE?

This story from Stuff is very annoying.

Maori Affairs Minister Pita Sharples used humour to reassure Te Puni Kokiri's staff members their jobs were safe - saying they did not have to look for a new job "at least for a week".

Humourous maybe but we need major reorganisation of the lard arsed public service. And if the Maori party want a department that delivers what they want they are going to have to make some changes to Te Puni Kokiri and feed in to the process of change required in other government departments.

Referring to comments earlier in the year that he wanted the Maori development agency revamped, he took a light-hearted approach yesterday as he met staff there to dispel their job security fears. "There is no major review going to be done on your department so you don't need to apply for any other job this week - or even next week," he said.

Well what we want to know is how the hell are you going to change the way things are being delivered to your people Pita!

Dr Sharples led a powerful new Government delegation to the meeting, including his three fellow Maori Cabinet ministers, National's Georgina te Heuheu and Paula Bennett, and Maori Party co-leader, Tariana Turia. There was a lot of apprehension among staff in the buildup to the meeting, resulting from remarks Dr Sharples made earlier this year that he wanted to see Te Puni Kokiri revamped.

They are just as apprehensive as workers in every other govt department and rightly so. If this govt ( which includes the Maori Party ) does not respond to the calls for a more efficient public service then they will be doing this country a grave disservice.

According to its website, the agency employs 335 permanent staff.

Like most Govt departments there are a lot of thinkers, quite a few hui ' ers and bugger all doers.

Dr Sharples confirmed yesterday that he intended placing greater emphasis on the work the department did on Maori health.

We we could not agree more - but to do that he is going to have the make structural and policy changes to effect any difference in delivery.

Among those at the meeting were agency chief executive Leith Comer, Maori Language Commission chairman Erima Henare and chief executive Huhana Rokx, Maori Television deputy chairman Wena Tait and chief executive Jim Mather, and Te Mangai Paho chair Jacqui Te Kani.

Also at yesterday's meet and greet session for the four Maori ministers were Maori Party MPs Te Ururoa Flavell and Rahui Katene, and National's new Maori list MPs Paul Quinn and Hekia Parata.

The National led Government cannot loose sight of the need to make changes to the public service. Staff know they can do better and the loudest of calls for change are coming from within govt departments. What the govt cannot do is be dishonest. It should be very clear that changes are needed and that will result in changes to peoples jobs. Otherwise it is the most dishonest of politics which will not serve this country well.

GOVERNMENT WASTE

We spend a bit of time lurking in govt departments and we see so much waste , stupid jobs, stupid strategies. We know there are also people in the public service who are committed to what they are doing and really want to make the country a better place.
But its time for teh public service to take a good hard look at what it does and how it does it. It has got so bloody fat - becoming an economic jabba.

Key has said that he wants to reduce government waste - yee bloody ha , we say.

We have seen thousands and thousands of documents in store rooms and even in off site warehouses that go nowhere - publications that should never have been published - companies on " preferred supplier contracts" that have not felt the cold chill of competition for years.
Or stupid campaigns ( like the multi million dollar campaign to get us to change to better lightbulbs. )

It must change - If you have any evidence of waste - email us anonymously at bustedblonde@gmail.com. We will print all the best ones.

HICKEY ON THE MONEY - WELLINGTON BLOATED

Bernard Hickey takes a l0ok at the economic Jabba that Wellington has become. We see it every day but there is a subtle change - we lunch a lot. And even my good and affluent mates are shunning the Docksides, Shed Five type restaurants in favour of " cheap and cheerfuls" and there are more people travelling on the buses. But Hickey is right. I have govt work and the offices and the waste are unfuckingbelievable. I have private sector clients and they are a world apart. Next week we will write a series of posts on the waste we have seen in the public sector. We are quietly confident that Key will give the public sector a shake up.

OUTRAGEOUS GOVERNMENT WASTE

A clue why the public accounts are in deficit for the next ten years and 18 billion of your taxes was wasted over the last seven years.

This is the increase in staff numbers by some major Government Departments over the last 7 years .
Oh and by the way there was no increase in output or improvement in quality of output.

Ministry of Education
2000	906 in Wellington	1224 nationwide
2002	1460 in Wellington	3675 nationwide
2004	1899 in Wellington	5553 nationwide
2006	1998 in Wellington	5756 nationwide
2007	2202 in Wellington	5907 nationwide
Ministry of Health
2000	834 in Wellington	911 nationwide
2002	1202 in Wellington	1673 nationwide
2004	1641 in Wellington	2204 nationwide
2006	1958 in Wellington	3545 nationwide
2007	2265 in Wellington	2595 nationwide
Department of Corrections
2000	1425 in Wellington	7698 nationwide
2002	1822 in Wellington	8595 nationwide
2004	2208 in Wellington	9435 nationwide
2006	2600 in Wellington	11,294 nationwide
2007	2723 in Wellington	12,877 nationwide
Ministry of Justice
2000	345 in Wellington	345 nationwide
2002	373 in Wellington	380 nationwide
2004	1817 in Wellington	4819 nationwide
2006	2199 in Wellington	5606 nationwide
2007	3468 in Wellington	5833 nationwide

Source: State Services Commission (figures include fulltime equivalent staff).

We thought it was bad but this is REALLY bad.

Our thanks to the spaz , and the old tazzy devil