Friday 29 October 2010


Metlink's service is getting crappier by the day. However the 12.55 pm on a Friday is particularly prone to delays. the train arrives on the platform and the passengers get out and then it seems to sit on the platform for a while and then another engine gets hooked up and it sits there for a while more, while people are standing there are freezing their asses off . Then it backs up and lets the people on. Today it went away .. and didnt come back till around 1.10. However the Metlink info service was still telling everyone right up to 1pm that all was okay.

Then, wait for this, we had wait because the bloody driver felt he needed a break. So it was half an hour late.
What a bloody shame that some of the wank arsed employment laws werent given a quick tidy up on the back of the Hobbit employment law changes.

Some of the train drivers and many of the conductors are crap. But the good ones are great.

What really gets us is the fact that there are many tourists on this train. Its a really bad look for our tourism industry that this service is so bloody unreliable and below par.


This is the silliest story we have seen for ages... Two women, one purdy dress, one bad ass bloke and a bit of booze and lots of lawyers.

Result - fisty cuffs blood and tears.

However everyone in Wellington wants only one thing - to see the dress on both bints.

Let the people decide.

Wednesday 27 October 2010


Years ago, when we reported on Maori fisheries settlement there was much discussion on what was known as the Brown Table.

It was a play on the Round table and the knights of old. At the brown table sat Sir Tipene, Sir Robert Mahuta and Sir Graeme Latimer. They held enormous power. They were reviled and feared but by some loved and respected.

Today we have the iwi leaders forum. A group of Maori " leaders" who have been annointed by the government and in large by their own people. A pan tribal group with enormous status and power.

Now having one group to deal with when making far reaching and contentious policy decisions makes it easy for the government. Annette Sykes, the lefty warrior is right. Something is wrong with this elitist set up.

What is missing is the consultation. And whats missing is the advocacy for the disposessed Maori living in the cities.
There is a lot less hui-ing around serious issues back on the Marae these days. Its all done in the board room. Debate is not going back to the grass roots Maori for consideration.

Instead this group talk among themselves, meet in hotels and decide a course of action or support for government policy.

Some arrive to meetings in helicopters, others in limousines. They live in very flash houses and have the benefit of university educations. Their suits are tailored in Italy. Some have homes in France.

Some have built careers out of being nothing but " leaders." Their lives were of no account before the treaty settlement process and the Iwi leaders forum became the richest game in town.

Now, by and large, they look like they are "commercially focussed" That they are indulging in this high end political game for " their people."

However its a bit kata before the hoiho.

You see there is nothing aspirational in their leadership. they are becoming more and more distant from those whom they supposedly represent.

There is little change for Maori who struggle to get out of the poverty trap.
These "leaders" are not putting the same effort they do into global issues of little impact to every day Maori like mining and ETS, as they should into crime, health and housing.

They talk about it. Thats it - they talk -they are in danger of becoming the new talking upoko kohue . The nodding tiki who are so far up the government arse that they are coming out browner than when they went in.

These leaders instead have been seduced by status and money, the constant govt fawning means that they believe that they matter. They do - but not for the reasons they think.

You get the distinct feeling that if given a choice of a kai at that fancy big place on Tinakori Road or down at the local Marae on the same day - guess where they would be.

Occasionally they do " show pony" it down on the Marae -wave their sticks and indulge in a bit of " listen up aren't I clever" korero.

But its to tell their people what has been decided. There is less and less grass roots input into big social policy decisions and while the government has got them seduced by Mining and ETS by sending them to big flash overseas conferences where they think they look important, their people continue to languish.

They have become the one thing we used to criticise the old Brown Table of being - a group of sad old Uncle Toms - Kupapa to their own.

And Annette Sykes is right. Its not doing a dam thing for people who need to be led from the brink of a sad poverty stricken existence and back to enjoy the promised land.

Tuesday 26 October 2010



We have had a pretty good run in the birthing stakes over on the block. 6 lambs from three sheep, 1 chicken from 6 eggs - chickadee, a turkey on eggs and a visiting pheasant and the calves, all four of them growing shiny and fat by the day.

However, this week death came calling. First the turkey - sitting quietly on the nest under the gum tree looking for all the world like she was born to be a mum. Sadly, she died on the nest. She wasnt thin. So one of those mysteries.

Then it was the turn of the only black ewe lamb of the six lambs, ebony, sister to the bigger Ivory. Born three weeks ago and healthy and hearty, it took a scary two hours from the time we realised that there was something wrong till she was dead. First she couldn't see. For a while her mother called her then she gave up - the rest of the flock then ignored her as she started to struggle to stand. It was obviously something affecting her brain.

We put her out of her misery after she failed to get up and she was in distress and barely breathing. I can't stand to see animals suffer.

Then it was the turn of the chickens. They are fully free range. And they roam free with the haybarn their nesting place. Four silky chooks with ten acres to call home.

Two new chickens hatched from a clutch of eggs. One was obviously deformed and died shortly after birth. The second was a reminder that hens are incredibly vicious creatures. one of the other hens literally pecked the second chicken to death.
When we got to the chicken she was barely breathing and full of holes - hen pecked.

So again we decided that it would not live and we had to kill it. It was made worse that we had visitors at the time. I did the deed out of view of two teenage boys.

Its harder than you think - chicks are such fragile creatures, and we have killed thousands of birds over our lifetime. but it never gets easier.

But the one thing that it does do is make you respect life all the more.


Not PC has a good blog on what the causal factors of this weekends holiday road toll were.

However, blonde as we maybe ( bleaching a little lighter every day in the Wairarapa sun) we think that there is some seriously faulty maths at play here.

Hasn't our population increased? Aren't there more cars on the road? So in effect isn't there a net decrease in the road toll per head of population?

We freely admit to being numerically dyslexic so maybe we are missing something.

So Stats meisters out there - whats the answer - are we getting better at killing ourselves on the road or are we getting better at practicing road safety?


The wee blond thing Ruth Carr who fronts for top Kiwi band Minuit should become a new urban hero.

While quietly biding her time with a coffee prior to the Band Together concert in Christchurch - she spied a group of skinheads complete with banner extolling their creed . Carr gave them some shit for being losers. And things got a bit nasty, as it would. Skinheads are the ultimate losers. They have no real purpose in life but to hate. They gorge on it.

So Carr was shaken up by the incident but not so much it seems by their reaction but more by the fact that people of their ilk could wander the street spreading their own brand of fear and loathing with impunity.

It seems they were followed by police. But there is no way that they should have been allowed into the concert.

Good on Carr. More people should follow her brave stance and voice their disgust at these low life.

Christchurch with its conservative backbone and mainland stoicism is a wonderful city but it has a putrid white underbelly and the skinheads are nothing but the fleas that suck on it.

Monday 25 October 2010


We have a duck nesting in some toitois about 20 feet from the front door. That would be odd enough considering that the river is about 200m away. Its that she has chosen to nest about 4 feet off the ground.. Will be interesting to see how she is going to get the ducklings down.

Thursday 21 October 2010


Wow! who would have thought.... Well we did- we always felt that Bill Wilson's position was untenable. This was not tidy and all credit to NBR and Phil Kitchin at the Dom and even the Herald for keeping up the pressure on this one.

All we can say is that we hope that a good woman - Sue Grey - opens a bottle of bubbles tonight.

She was the David who took a swing at the legal fraternity's Goliath.

It took a long time but in the end Justice, as they say has been seen to be done - even if it comes with a $1million price tag.

Cheers to you Sue.



The Ministry of Education has decided that its going to pay striking teachers as an act of "good faith " to try and entice them back to the bargaining table..

Well thats going to send messages to every pubic sector union in the country.

the message is -

" Throw a tanty - walk out - we understand and feel your pain.. So you go and have a day off and a wee korero with your mates and have a really good whinge and grizzle with all those of like mind.. We still love you and we will pay you for doing nothing for the day and in fact we will reward you for disrupting the lives of kids and hard working parents who have gone to work and put in a decent days labour. "

And this under a National government???

We expect the negotiators to play hard ball. Everyone is realising the need for fiscal prudence. The pays that really need docked are the silly bastards in the Ministry of Education who dreamed up this tactic..

We also think its hugely ironic that the union on hearing of the Ministry of Educations largess at the taxpayers expense had a big belly laugh and pretty much told them to get stuffed.

Wednesday 20 October 2010


The last two lambies and now Chickadee has feathers...

However, the lambies are rammies so they will be roasties and choppies..

They are called Mint and Sauce

and if chickadee turns out out to be a rooster he will be renamed KFC.


About Te Reo. But sorry, blaming the government for the slow down in those learning is silly - the argument is not going to wash. Seriously the Waitangi Tribunal has lost all credibility with this one. Maori themselves need to take responsibility for making the language a much more important part of their strategic future.

Its up to whanau, hapu, iwi to work out ways to increase the usage now. With rights come responsibility. And while Maori earned the right to have their language made official in NZ it is now their responsibility to promote its usage.

However we think that while the classical Te Reo may be losing favour and interest with the young, both Maori and pakeha are peppering the conversation with words drawn from Maori.

The blending of the two languages has been astounding in the last decade or so.

We have :

Going to get a kai

Having a moi

Whanau is common


Ae for yes

Korero for discussion
Kapai for good
Mana respect
Potae for hat

Hui for a gathering

are just a few that are now well entrenched in NZ culture.

Although every now and then someone gets it wrong, and sometime our pronunciation leaves people scratching we are all more relaxed about the usage of Te Reo.

And so we should be. Nothing is static. Society changes and while we see that holding fast to Maori as a language is a laudable goal, a common conversation that borrows from both is a sign of the maturation of our society.

So it is kapai to korero the reo but the real mana for Maori will be when they say ae its our problem and our whanau is going to make it a priority.


Excellent! And ActonCampus has done a fantastic job of running the information and lobbying campaign for making joining student unions voluntary. Heather Roy has fronted the bill, good to see her back in harness doing things to make the world a better place instead of dreaming of getting rid of Rodney..

Tuesday 19 October 2010


And its NBR that the SFO is after. They want all the transcripts, tapes and documents into the dodgy saga over the ownership of the Hyatt Hotel.

Well done them. Media watchers will be taking a huge interest in how NBR plays this. They need to maintain the protection of their sources. However they are also facing some very heavy penalties if they don't comply with the SFO request for info.

And we reckon that the story clearly indicates that there really was something rotten at the core of SCF.


We were alerted to this little cultural gaffe by NBR - the story is behind the paywall. And we apologise for taking the piss - so to speak.

Its about a lovely NZ methode traditionelle bubbly called Mimi from Morton Estate.

Lovely crisp little drop - by all accounts very girly..

Trouble is Maori intelligensia will be having a giggle. Mimi is also the Maori word for urination.

Maybe it was a way to get publicity - maybe it was a lack of research- maybe its because the wine is destined for off shore markets - but if its on sale here we reckon it will become a cult classic.


We are delighted that Cilla McQueen has won one of the country's top literary awards. In fact she is already a well recognised and much lauded poet. She is an intensely private woman who has spent the last 20 odd years in Bluff.

Diesel sounds aromatic
magenta, oxblood,
mineral smooth
any how as boronia

swivel that levers
a shoepolish lid,
key curls oily metal.
Poetry takes you apart,

puts you back different
as this day's passage
on shapeshifting water,
one to another island

swift as the stroke
of a pen the toothed strait
on the whale's path
chewed through, islets

scattered between,
text in motion
gimballed on muscling
swells, word-ware, cargo.

Bluff, April 2006
One heron west from wary
shelter safe another sun turn
flower reed or home by other
sense to misty near beyond
his graveyard dreams I pass
between and harbours
double fill to shape were I
so shovelling petal hope to lock
our question in the former language. 

She is a national treasure .

Monday 18 October 2010


Cactus got it right the other day when she expressed outrage at the payout given to the bint who did the cry baby thing over being " sexually harassed" by the big cheese at Ausssies mega store David Jones.

Kirsty Fraser- Kirk came over all angel eyed , and pledged to give the money to charity.. Apparently she has decided that the $870,000 she got is not enough to share with the needy so the greedy mealy mouthed toadette is pocketing the lot.

While she may have had a smidgen of sympathy going into her court hearing - she has undoubtedly lost any respect now. This venal move has shown that what most worldly women recognised from the get go - she is a spiteful shallow little gold digger with a slit eye on the main chance.

She is going to find it tough to get a job anywhere in Aussie after keeping the loot so hopefully she doesn't look to our green shores for work.

We have met and worked for some complete and utter pricks in our day. Everything from gropers, touchers, and outright harassers, all of a magnitude far greater than anything Fraser Kirk alleged. The David Jones boss made a complete arse of himself and he payed the ultimate price for being a tosser. .

It was not ok for him to use his position to put the hard word on her and David Jones should have had procedures in place to ensure that he was reprimanded.

However, too often over the years we have seen women feigning horror at the advances of some aging octopus but actually enjoying, indeed reveling in the drama of it all. We are after all women and at our base worst we act in as primal a fashion as men.

Now sexual harassment is ugly. Its about power. But you wouldn't walk into a closed room with a heap of hissing cobras just as you should steer clear of any wanker who has a track record of being a boorish arsewipe.

But the wee lovey is obviously not the greatest PR practitioner in the world otherwise she would have used her brief moment of fame to capitalise on her win, sharing it with the needy, spinning the story out for a while and further damaging McInnes and David Jones.

She had a chance to do a Princess Diana. If we were managing her - she would have given half a mill to charity and then launched a career as the heroine of wide eyed vixens everywhere .

But nah. She just wants the Prada bag and matching shoes.

Friday 15 October 2010


Today Southland will be in mourning for a young man who was making his mark on the local aviation scene.

Jason Wright, 29 wanted to be a helicopter pilot pretty much from the day he could talk.

Now small towns can be pretty hard to get out of sometimes, the lifestyle can be quite seductive. Jason was the only son of Liz and John, both born and bred Southlanders of Ngai Tahu descent. They are great parents and did all they could to help Jason realise his dream of being a helicopter pilot and its a huge credit to them that he ended up doing the thing he was born to do - fly.

Our son is a helicopter pilot too, so we know just how expensive it is and how hard a career it is to crack.

He and my son shared botha passion for flying and of the south.

Jason was good looking young man who was unfailingly polite and he was single minded in the pursuit of his dream.

He started flying around the age of 18. He flew both here in New Zealand and in places like Cambodia where he was involved in animal recovery. He could have set up shop anywhere in the world, but he chose to go back to the place of his heart - Bluff. It was home and like most of us who hail from those parts - we have a bond with Stewart Island that can never be broken.

This year he took us to our Muttonbird Island. He looked after his passengers like they were his own whanau - muttonbirders are really one big whanau anyway. Jason understood them and they loved him for it.

In fact, I suspect that for many years the hard money that Liz and John earned from muttonbirding, would have gone to help Jason realise his dream.

He was on our facebook page. We shared stories on there from time to time and the photos he took showed his passion for Stewart Island was probably as strong as his passion for helicopters.

He soon established himself as a trusted and popular pilot and as a young Bluff businessman. Bluffies were so very very proud of him. He was the role model many parents suggested to their kids that they could do well to emulate. He was the epitome of the small town boy doing good.

Today they found his body and that of the chap he was flying with - Allan Munro, another man who was obviously a lover of aviation, in the cold waters of the Bluff Harbour.

It is so hard when good men die young. So hard to fathom the reason for it all.

But we will remember the Jason who sucked the juice out of the fruit of life every damn day. He didn't waste one second of his time. He was still in awe at the beauty of the places he got to visit every day and he understood the people of the south and he loved sharing both with those from other places. His was not just a life well lived -it was a life lived best.


This is why we hate the monarchy. There overblown sense of entitlement. Their lack of understanding of normal everyday life and their pathetic miserable tight fistedness.

The Queen has decided to cancel a Christmas function for her staff because of her tough economic times.

Has the silly old woman never heard of a " shout" Why cant she dip into her her purse and do the decent thing.

The fact that the monarchy still remains is the reason we think that Britons are completely barmy.


Simple PR lesson for Labour. Ignore Carter. Keep talking about him and you give him something to talk about. And the media are in ecstasy over every hissy spitty comment from either faction. Goff engaging in some puerile swipe at Carter does him no favours - its not the sort of behaviour you would expect to get from a leader.

Obviously he is being very badly advised. He seriously needs a new PR team.

Being ignored would be Carters greatest punishment.

However, we do like Shane Jones comment when asked if he was one of the MP's who was plotting against Goff as Carter had suggested.

Mr Jones expressed disbelief, saying, "I fear that Chris Carter's illness is worse than we expected."

Jones has never lacked for a good turn of phrase.

Thursday 14 October 2010


Okay, while there doesn't seem to be too much surprise that Ngai Tahu is eyeing up the good pickins from the carcass of South Canterbury Finance apparently they are also mucking around in the Capital as well.

Sources say that Ngai Tahu picked up some high profile debt of about $10million for what in financial terms looks like a song.

So does this mean us southern white chocolate Ngai Tahu beneficiaries will get free tickets to see the Phoenix???


Following Simon Powers announcement today that he is out to tame " the Wild West of the Internet" we reckon that there could be a bit of a stoush looming.

We have often referred to blogs and citizen journalists on the digital media as the last of the Wild West as you can see here

I suppose that means that Cactus is probably Annie Oakley and we must be May Lillie crack shot and horsewoman.

While Power probably needs to review whats happening - who in tarnation advised him to set about making the bloggers and online community the enemy?

Our favourite uber political geek David Farrar so rightly says the way its been done will probably rub a few people up the wrong way. We agree.

So we hope that we get to have a say sometime during the course of the year. We like the idea of workshops to nut out a few ideas.

But at the end of the day one of the corner stones of the media in any form, is freedom of thought and expression. And that must be the corner stone of any thinking around the digital media - it is still the media and today the lines between digital and print and broadcast are becoming very blurred .

While we think that Whale Oils recent case shows we are not above the law we dont want any changes that impinge on our media freedoms.

Otherwise it will be the Battle of the Little Bighorn Bloggers with Power standing in for Custer.


Due Dillgence boys - due diligence...

While we were not overly surprised that Ngai Tahu is putting up a serious bid for some of the Hubbard baubles that still had a bit of a shine on them, we are still a bit concerned, as apparently are some of those at the Top Table. According to our sources the deal is still live. There is considerable nervousness about this deal and there was also considerable surprise that the details had been leaked.

Questions are being asked about just where those leaks have come from and this time it does not look like the info, that ended up in the hands of Labour party leader in waiting David Cunliffe, came from the cuzzies.

There remains considerable risk with the Hubbard portfolio, as we understand that there are still many unknowns. So we hope that everyone proceeds with caution.

We dont want to end up owning few choppers and a couple of farms if they are not long term strategic assets with viable long term returns.

However, some of the assets do present some real opportunities, so as we said before, due diligence boys, due diligence.

Wednesday 13 October 2010


We have been to two very different Wellington pubs in the last week or so. One in Lambton Quay on the site of the old Paris and New Orleans now reincarnated as Keenans and the other is 3C down Chews Lane off Willis St.

One a very fine example of a good gastro pub - the other is crap.

The good one is 3C. The food is great, well cooked and reasonably priced. the wine list is fulsome and bar staff attentive and knowledgeable and the place fair bulges with sweaty Bettys and hard on Harry's on a Friday night. Its a fine example of its kind.

Keenans is everything you dont want in a gastro pub. Surly waitresses, food that is so bad that you will talk about it for weeks and its not cheap and has a skinny wine list to boot.

Keenans has a really good spot. It should be the place people go to do the " off the radar" or " fireside chats" that are a feature of Wellingtons public service and political scene.

But the lunch we had there started off with a waitress not bringing us menus or wine lists for about 10 minutes. Nor any water.

And there was no fish and two other dishes were off the menu.

The steak my mate had was, in her words " perfect if you wanted to skate on it all the way to Hamilton". It really was a a piece of rubber masquarding as beef.

I ordered a small Antipasto plate for $15 and a side of fries We got an odd plate of not very nice cold stuff and mounds of bread.

" Breads nice" said my mate...
Everything had a supermarket look about it and when the waitress went to pour the wine she sloshed it into the glass filling it three quarters full. Then stood back like she was expecting us to taste it.

Then she screwed the cap back before realising that she hadn't poured the next glass. Duh.

The chips were good as was the bread but for an antipasto plate, a steak sandwich and a $38 bottle of wine, you want more than just good bread and chips.

So if you want a cold beer and chips down the parliament end of the town - it could fit the bill -thats if you can get past the grumpy waitress.

Our advice is stretch it out and walk down to Willis St and enjoy the superb service and excellent and well priced food at 3C.


Since we turned 50 we have been particularly grumpy. Not sure why - just happened.

We do a really good turn in grumpy. It requires lots of humphing, short sentences, sniffing and long sighs and considerable use of scowls and other wrinkly facial expressions like frowns.

Things that make us grumpy
People who leave behind pubic hairs on the toilet seat,

We only get ungrumpy when the sun is shining, if we have a cold beer or a nice wine in our hand or we happen to be dining on oysters whitebait and paua patties. And we do get a bit of them apart from the sunshine.

We also smile while we make bread and cook cakes. And when we finally retire for the evening with a really really good book.

It was with much interest that we read that we are an early adapter to the years of grumpiness.

We are two years ahead of our time...

Britons find being older than 52 is nothing to laugh about because that's the age when they start becoming grumpy, according to a survey.

The poll of 2,000 Britons found those over 50 laughed far less than their younger counterparts and complained far more.

While infants laughed up to 300 times a day, that figure had fallen to an average of six laughs by teenage years and only 2.5 daily chuckles for those over 60, the survey for cable TV channel Dave found.

Men were also found to be grumpier than women.

One reason for the decline in mirth might be the lack of joke-telling skills.

Thing is despite that fact that we are well practiced in the not very subtle art of grumping,for us its a quality thing - not quantity.

So by the age of 52 we recon we will really be able to scowl good and humph with the best of them .


With all this talk of racism and cultural cringe we thought we would share a little race issue we are having in our back yard.

We have a small problem of the feathered type. We have one turkey hen sitting on infertile eggs - no Turkey cock. And we have one melenisian ring neck pheasant cock who is lonely and has taken to eyeing up my red gummies with undisguised lust.

So why don't they get together? Buggered if we know. But it would be an interesting cross. So meanwhile Im scared the Pheasant is going to frott the shit out of my bestest gummies and the turkey is going to waste away from sitting on dud eggs.

If its good enough for us to hook up with an Aussie, and lets face it they are a bit different from us kiwis then we reckon its good enough for these birds to do the wild thing.


The anatomy of any high profile relationship is always interesting.

Todays offering is Michael Laws and his body building missus.

He is an emotionally controlling intolerant perfectionist - She wacked him.

They deserved each other . Period. Not the Maori - you cant take a look see at some old patu period but the end of story type period.

Tuesday 12 October 2010


There is an interesting story circulating Wellington today in the wake of the Chris Carter scandal.

It is that more than one journalist has seen the list of Labour MP's that Carter has " interesting" information about. There are reportedly quite a few names.

The second story is that there really was a coup afoot to unseat Goff. They had met and sorted out their strategy. They were ready to pounce and that coup was reportedly led by none other than David Cunliffe and most importantly they had the numbers. And then Carter decided to indulge in some idiotic black ops - which fast turned into black slops when the anonymous letter to the Gallery led straight back to him.

The fact that there was a coup and that it was ready to go may have been the reason that Carter was so bloody ballsy after the event.

He knows the numbers are there to roll Goff. He knows there is a will for it to happen.

We think that the only thing that has really changed is the when.

Goff can do little else but watch his back and get his spies to check out for the charcoal smoke rising from the BBQ in David Cunliffe's backyard.


Te Papa has decided to abide by some cultural edict imposed by some Maori over pregnant and menstruating women not being allowed near an exhibition of some Maori treasures.

Apparently these women shouldn't be allowed near things that have been used in battle because the are sacred and any breach of that could invoke a curse.

What pathetic mumbo jumbo. That sort of thinking belongs back in the time when women wore grass skirts.

While it is important to discuss the lore of the past , its behoves on us to ensure that such practices are not continued except for health reasons.
Blogger Deborah Russel from the Hand Mirror sums the issue up nicely,

"I don't understand why a secular institution, funded by public money in a secular state, is imposing religious and cultural values on people.

"It's fair enough for people to engage in their own cultural practices where those practices don't harm others, but the state shouldn't be imposing those practices on other people."

Margaret Mutu says that women arent allowed on the beach or in the garden when they have their period.

Shit I wished I had known about that on the Muttonbird island. Might have got out of getting a feed of paua, or working if I followed that ancient edict. Personally I have never heard of it.

Nor the stuff about staying out of the kitchen. I have always done the cooking - period.

But then them North Island fullas do have some mighty strange ways that they still want to practice today which makes them even stranger really.

You see being on the beach in the old days or even in the garden makes sense re hygiene but in this day and age that sort of imposition is archaic.

And down south we got rid of a lot of silly practices like keeping slaves, eating people, and killing people and stuff.

Times have changed and Maori have a habit of only changing the ways that suit them. Makes them look and feel important.And this sort of mumbo jumbo is designed only to protect the mystique of the ancient ways which in their day may well have been appropriate but are now just a bloody insult to our intelligence.

So this ones for Margaret Mutu.

Silly old bint.

Monday 11 October 2010


This is a funny, topical, edgy, pisstake, and very very timely in the wake of the Paul Henry debacle.

We see that Michael Laws is now apologising for calling the Gov General a fat bugger.. Well he is.

So are we. So what.

And Air New Zealand - do you dare apologise!



We can understand that the storm of international outrage over Paul Henry seemed so intense that there really was no option but for Paul Henry to either step aside or be sacked. That he resigned shows one of two things - that TVNZ finally got its shit together and stitched up a deal with Henry that included his resignation - leaving him looking magnanimous and contrite and ensuing the finger of blame flicked past Rick Ellis. The second is that Henry did it off his own bat sensing that TVNZ was going to axe him come Monday. That makes TVNZ look like a pack of wallies with no balls.

What would we have done if we were Rick Ellis? Toughed it out for another week. The media loves feeding off a good scandal but it will gorge itself when the dish of the day is one of their own.

The whole issue was maturing worldwide - we watched one broadcast where high placed Indian commentators reckoned that theirs was a far more racist country both internally and externally and that the Henry comments were nothing to get their turbans in a tangle over. Remember they still have a caste system over there.

People were starting to see sense on the issue. After the initial heat of the polarising debate more mature commentary would have dominated.

Sure Henry deserved some punishment and we thought a couple of weeks off air was about right.He was being a bit of a dickhead. But as we have said before, being a dickhead is part of his charm.

And despite the two top infotainment ringmasters, Sainsbury and Campbell, who both have a vested interest in seeing Henry gone, trying very hard to create programmes designed to put the nail in his broadcasting coffin, they failed. Simultaneous polls on both Close Up and Campbell Live clearly showed overwhelming support for Henry.

Why do they have a vested interest? Well Sainsbury is good but not as good as Henry or even Hoskings and getting one rival out of the road cements his position . Replacing Sainsbury was one of the industry's most talked about issues.

And of Campbell? For him its a ratings game. Chewing Henry up was always going to be a winner. Funnily though, the poll he ran indicated that there was probably more support for Henry as a broadcaster than Campbell could ever dream of. That would have been a kick in the arse for the pompous prick.

So we hope that Henry is not lost to NZ broadcasting. He is funny, erudite and surprisingly wise.

TV3 has a real chance to pick him up and boost their ratings - replace the sanctimonious Campbell and watch the viewers flock in.

And TVNZ should replace Sainsbury with the thinking journalists presenter and interviewer - Hoskings.

Clean broom and all that.

And the message for New Zealand? We are fasting becoming a nation of sanctimonious finger pointing, arse licking wankers. Shit, maybe we are British at our core after all.


oh and a nice shot found by Cactus of that irredeemable racist Paul Henry..

Saturday 9 October 2010


We thought we had lost our turkey hen, but it appears she is with egg and today the lonely ring necked pheasant bloke wandered around. He is a glorious fellow. But think he need s mate
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Friday 8 October 2010


But he does not reside in the  Carterton Freemasons lodge.   You will find him sighing in ecstasy as he sniffs up the hate and intolerance  at St Davids Parish generated  by the small mindedness of a bigoted priest and his fear  of those who have different beliefs. 

Seems as if the priest of St Davids Church in Carterton is a little bit scared of  the Freemasons.

We are no big fan of the Freemasons but these days they do more good than harm. Its all about companionship, fellowship and doing good for the community ( Shit that sounds like Christianity!)

We were bought up in the Presbyterian, Methodist and lastly the Baptist churches and apart from the predilection for the Baptists to like full immersion Baptisms ( think wet tee shirts on young girls and boys) and there isn't a hellalujah between them.

So St Davids is a Union Church  - a combination of Press Buttons and Methodicals as we used to call them as kids.

Dour bastards. In fact these guys are the dourest bastards you will find anywhere. The reason that faiths like this exist is that they concentrate on the sin thing.  Sermons are based on the faults of us all and fear,palpable fear,  thunders down from the pulpit- Their  sermons do  not celebrate  the goodness of the earth and it inhabitants.

Theirs is narrow church in building and in collective mind.

Crazily, this sad tale  isn't about the  perceived belief that Freemasons worship goats, its about the churches concerns that the Freemasons lodge is being temporarily used as the town...... Library.

Seems that the pious priest of St Davids reckons that the Freemasons lodge is all set about with Witchcraft.

That it  could be bad for the books.   So the church members are being asked to withdraw their library cards..

 Jesus wept.

And even all the more  hypocritical  when so many   symbols of christianity have deep roots in Paganism.

Seems the priest of St Davids is not a good scholar of his faith.

Church leaders like this bloke, do eventually do good - they help people to see the hypocrisy in religion. They are haters and wreckers.. Their flocks  will dwindle.

The story ends by telling us that the Priest and his missus are leaving Carterton soon. Bloody good show. 

Praise be the lord and all that.

The town will be the better for their absence.

And here is some  christian mind food for the priest 

We especially like this verse  “Judge not, that you be not judged.  Matthew 7.1

And we ask John Cromarty - can you face the scrutiny? 


Palmerston North has been in the news a bit as it has had a bad rap for being a boring no account city. Thing is there is a lot to be said for provincial towns.

Take Masterton for instance. It's your quintiessential provincial retail and commercial hub.

It may not have lots of choice, but you normally get at least one of everything and they have to be good or they don't survive. So for instance, there is one really good sushi shop that would rival anything in the big smoke. And Strada's coffee and cakes are as good as anywhere in NZ.

And we have discovered that they also have one really good newspaper that is like the community newspapers of old. The Wairarapa News. Surprisingly its part of the Fairfax stable.Surprising, because we thought that this paper was so good of its type that it must be owned and loved by some locals. But being run and loved by some locals seems to be doing the trick.

Now there is also the Wairarapa Times Age , but there seems to be a lot less stories in it and its just doesn't seem to hit the mark like the Wairarapa News does.

However the Age does break some interesting stuff as this story shows. Bigotry and prejudice doesn't just rely on the colour of ones skin, it seems.

The Wairarapa News is delivered free, has a high advertising content and there are three or four interesting stories about issues that are close to the hearts of the residents and the rest of the paper is peppered with advertisements and stories about what is on. The community stuff that makes places like the Wairarapa so good to live in. A real good smattering of local politics, happenings and sport.

Like the fact that there are cheese making courses coming up. Or that there is a talk at the local Geological society looking at the two Wairarapa earthquakes of 1942 when the area was all shook up by two 7+ quakes a couple of months apart.

There are always lots of faces in the paper too. Sure, the photography is not world class but if you get to see the Doris you know from down the street being lauded for some community deed then you feel connected to your community.

And every Wednesday we really look forward to the Wairarapa News. Its a bloody good wee paper that does  its community proud and is a wonderful reflection of the province it serves.

And there is something  refreshing about reading news which is not based on the cult of celebrity.

We were already in love with the Wairarapa but apprehensive when we moved here permanently about 6 weeks ago but as every day goes past, that growing feeling of connection just keeps getting stronger.

And as we make the daily journey on the train into Wellington with the suns first filtering light bathing the valley we just spend the next 8 hours waiting to get back home.

Life is good.

Thursday 7 October 2010


How very, very cool. the final mark of a real bloke. A Prime Minister who is not afraid of spiders - really, really big ugly, bite you -scary as shit and then some - spiders.

So for the best PM ever,


Ha - just as we suspected - the Ady Gil was deliberately scuttled. Bethune is now publicly spewing all over the eco terrorist Paul Watson and his band of high seas hooligans.

We are inclined to believe that Bethune is telling the truth. Watson has a history of bullshitting the media - including admitting he made stuff up so that the Japanese courts would go easy on Bethune.

Bethune calls Sea Shepard morally bankrupt. Well you have to have something in the bank and lose it to be bankrupt. Sea Shepard is just a bunch of grey headed old pirates out having a boys own adventure with other peoples money.

Bethune is still a dick.

Nuff said.

Wednesday 6 October 2010


    • I caught some of Breakfast this morning and even though Roydon is a nice clean cut guy, it isn't really the same without madman Henry
      about an hour ago ·

    • Has anyone entertained the faint possibility that Henry actually thought--mistakenly but genuinely--that the current GG was foreign-born Indo-Fijian, and was simply wondering if the next guy might therefore be more of a local (anglo) yokel? It would be quite conceivable for a Fijian television host to make a similar mistake in an interview if that country's ceremonial leader happened to be an anglo-saxon.
      about an hour ago ·

    • I wondered the same thing. Mainly cos the GG does sound a bit foreign.
      about an hour ago ·

    • Isn't that the truth, Tina? And if we were discussing this a couple of weeks ago over a drink, one or both of us might have said the same thing, made the same mistake, and then realised soon enough that, gosh, he is NZ born after all. Would...See More

      about an hour ago ·
    • Agreed. And the more I watch what was said the more I think that was the case. He is still the best gippo presenter on tv. And if u want to see commedians that push boundaries people shud watch 7 days on tv3 on fri nites
      58 minutes ago ·

    • Leave it out, he deserves everything he gets, actualy we all do.
      56 minutes ago ·

    • what did Clint Eastwood say in Unforgiven after the young fella shot someone and said .. he had it comin and Clint said "we all got it comin kid"
      54 minutes ago ·

    • bryson - thats pretty much somes it up - the most offensive pillock of the day award goes to peter dunne - the sanctimonious, slimey , uppity lillte no account mr so fricken boring. He is outraged. wow. and that from from Mr personality bypass. idjit.
      49 minutes ago ·

    • look at how many times Mark Ellis got himself in the shit and we still love him. Well most do. If Telly got rid of the Henry's and Maccas of this world then what a boring lot we would be .. give him his 2 weeks suspension and move on. A bit like a St George player getting a grade1 charge and doing his penance Tau??
      49 minutes ago ·

    • What a bunch of sanctimonious twats New Zealanders (real or imported) can be! And I gotta say, the office of this governor-general character might have shown a little more humour in its response, too.
      48 minutes ago ·

    • It's a bit of a double standard but - Hone Harawira gets a free pass when he calls us white motherfuckers, and that seemed a little less tounge in cheek that anything Paul Henry has ever said. This whole hoo-ha is about people trying to do some sort of moral preening for the cameras. I also have a rule of thumb that's served me well over the years - if John Minto is for something, then I'm against it! :)


nearly 52, 000 people have joined a facebook page supporting Paul Henry. So there. And only 32 of them are out of our 500 friends - so you could contend from that - this is not some right wing push for Paul Henry - his popularity is way more universal than that.

There is no way that Paul Henry should be sacked. He is often silly, puerile, outrageous, edgy but he is funny. We need funny. He said something that was probably over the top - he apologised and he lost a couple of weeks wages. The worst of it is he has to suffer the media stalking him for a few days.

Despite him being all the above and despite the GG comment being over the top - we don't want to see him gone. He is simply the most engaging commentator we have on any broadcast medium. Marcus Lush is quirky, Willy and JT set out to be really provocative and their programme is no place for the feint of heart or soft of epidermis but Henry is still the best.

And we suppose we support Henry ts because we ourselves are known for being particularly garrulous , often down right insensitive, occasionally funny and always opinionated. And we have offended many people over the course of our life. Sometimes we regretted it sometimes we didn't.

So we think that it is totally absurd for the holier than thou brigade to don their cloak of righteousness and call for Henry's sacking.

Fuck off we say. Yes Henry is a dick, yes he is often a purile idiot, yes he is offensive and what he said about the GG was cringeworthy. But he has been punished. End of story.

And for all the holier than thou people who have condemned Henry - keep yelling out your outrage - - it will give us time to research all the pathetic shite you have spouted.