RESOLUTE IN THE NEW YEAR

A few NY resolutions we would like to to hear

Mark Solomon - " It is now time to move on and let someone else take over. "

Michael Laws "I will stop thinking about kinky sex and get a girlfriend who only likes the missionary position and of course me"

Maori leaders " We resolve to start setting some standards. No gang patches on the Marae, and at any tangi. Our mantra will be ' gang tikanga is not Maori tikanga',"

John Key "I promise to be big and ballsy and make the hard calls to grow the economy"

Bill English " The public service will feel the pain of a thousand cuts."

Judith Collins " I will do what I did last year."

Winston Peters " I will stand in Helensville for the good of the nation."

Phil Goff " I will attend every BBQ that 17 members of my caucus are planning to hold over the summer for the sake of party unity."

Cunliffe " I will roll Phil Goff because I know that I have the superior intellect and I am better at being a shifty bastard than he is."

Trevor Mallard " I will work harder at being the most obnoxious Labour blogger because its so much fucking fun."

Clare Curran " I resolve to give the world peace and love and text Helen clark every night to tell her what a wonderful job I am doing and how popular I am especially with my own caucus."

Paul Henry " I will be a bigger star than I was - take that all you dick shits"

The Brunette " We will continue to take the piss and be obnoxious, talk about sex and country living and generally make lots of noise and swear a lot.

Cactus Kate " Shag more, Drink more, and write good shit, and make squillions while travelling the world in style. "

BLOWING HOT AND COLD WITH AIR NEW ZEALAND

This is a funny, topical, edgy, pisstake, and very very timely in the wake of the Paul Henry debacle.

We see that Michael Laws is now apologising for calling the Gov General a fat bugger.. Well he is.

So are we. So what.


And Air New Zealand - do you dare apologise!

NEW ZEALAND HAS LOST ITS FUNNY BONER

Bummer.

We can understand that the storm of international outrage over Paul Henry seemed so intense that there really was no option but for Paul Henry to either step aside or be sacked. That he resigned shows one of two things - that TVNZ finally got its shit together and stitched up a deal with Henry that included his resignation - leaving him looking magnanimous and contrite and ensuing the finger of blame flicked past Rick Ellis. The second is that Henry did it off his own bat sensing that TVNZ was going to axe him come Monday. That makes TVNZ look like a pack of wallies with no balls.

What would we have done if we were Rick Ellis? Toughed it out for another week. The media loves feeding off a good scandal but it will gorge itself when the dish of the day is one of their own.

The whole issue was maturing worldwide - we watched one broadcast where high placed Indian commentators reckoned that theirs was a far more racist country both internally and externally and that the Henry comments were nothing to get their turbans in a tangle over. Remember they still have a caste system over there.

People were starting to see sense on the issue. After the initial heat of the polarising debate more mature commentary would have dominated.

Sure Henry deserved some punishment and we thought a couple of weeks off air was about right.He was being a bit of a dickhead. But as we have said before, being a dickhead is part of his charm.

And despite the two top infotainment ringmasters, Sainsbury and Campbell, who both have a vested interest in seeing Henry gone, trying very hard to create programmes designed to put the nail in his broadcasting coffin, they failed. Simultaneous polls on both Close Up and Campbell Live clearly showed overwhelming support for Henry.

Why do they have a vested interest? Well Sainsbury is good but not as good as Henry or even Hoskings and getting one rival out of the road cements his position . Replacing Sainsbury was one of the industry's most talked about issues.

And of Campbell? For him its a ratings game. Chewing Henry up was always going to be a winner. Funnily though, the poll he ran indicated that there was probably more support for Henry as a broadcaster than Campbell could ever dream of. That would have been a kick in the arse for the pompous prick.

So we hope that Henry is not lost to NZ broadcasting. He is funny, erudite and surprisingly wise.

TV3 has a real chance to pick him up and boost their ratings - replace the sanctimonious Campbell and watch the viewers flock in.

And TVNZ should replace Sainsbury with the thinking journalists presenter and interviewer - Hoskings.

Clean broom and all that.

And the message for New Zealand? We are fasting becoming a nation of sanctimonious finger pointing, arse licking wankers. Shit, maybe we are British at our core after all.

UPDATE :

oh and a nice shot found by Cactus of that irredeemable racist Paul Henry..

CASTING STONES

• • I caught some of Breakfast this morning and even though Roydon is a nice clean cut guy, it isn't really the same without madman Henry
    

    about an hour ago ·
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    Has anyone entertained the faint possibility that Henry actually thought--mistakenly but genuinely--that the current GG was foreign-born Indo-Fijian, and was simply wondering if the next guy might therefore be more of a local (anglo) yokel? It would be quite conceivable for a Fijian television host to make a similar mistake in an interview if that country's ceremonial leader happened to be an anglo-saxon.
    

    about an hour ago ·
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    I wondered the same thing. Mainly cos the GG does sound a bit foreign.
    

    about an hour ago ·
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    Isn't that the truth, Tina? And if we were discussing this a couple of weeks ago over a drink, one or both of us might have said the same thing, made the same mistake, and then realised soon enough that, gosh, he is NZ born after all. Would...See More

    
    

    about an hour ago ·
  • Agreed. And the more I watch what was said the more I think that was the case. He is still the best gippo presenter on tv. And if u want to see commedians that push boundaries people shud watch 7 days on tv3 on fri nites
    

    58 minutes ago ·
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    Leave it out, he deserves everything he gets, actualy we all do.
    

    56 minutes ago ·
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    what did Clint Eastwood say in Unforgiven after the young fella shot someone and said .. he had it comin and Clint said "we all got it comin kid"
    

    54 minutes ago ·
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    bryson - thats pretty much somes it up - the most offensive pillock of the day award goes to peter dunne - the sanctimonious, slimey , uppity lillte no account mr so fricken boring. He is outraged. wow. and that from from Mr personality bypass. idjit.
    

    49 minutes ago ·
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    look at how many times Mark Ellis got himself in the shit and we still love him. Well most do. If Telly got rid of the Henry's and Maccas of this world then what a boring lot we would be .. give him his 2 weeks suspension and move on. A bit like a St George player getting a grade1 charge and doing his penance Tau??
    

    49 minutes ago ·
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    What a bunch of sanctimonious twats New Zealanders (real or imported) can be! And I gotta say, the office of this governor-general character might have shown a little more humour in its response, too.
    

    48 minutes ago ·
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    It's a bit of a double standard but - Hone Harawira gets a free pass when he calls us white motherfuckers, and that seemed a little less tounge in cheek that anything Paul Henry has ever said. This whole hoo-ha is about people trying to do some sort of moral preening for the cameras. I also have a rule of thumb that's served me well over the years - if John Minto is for something, then I'm against it! :)
    

    
    

Update:

nearly 52, 000 people have joined a facebook page supporting Paul Henry. So there. And only 32 of them are out of our 500 friends - so you could contend from that - this is not some right wing push for Paul Henry - his popularity is way more universal than that.

There is no way that Paul Henry should be sacked. He is often silly, puerile, outrageous, edgy but he is funny. We need funny. He said something that was probably over the top - he apologised and he lost a couple of weeks wages. The worst of it is he has to suffer the media stalking him for a few days.


Despite him being all the above and despite the GG comment being over the top - we don't want to see him gone. He is simply the most engaging commentator we have on any broadcast medium. Marcus Lush is quirky, Willy and JT set out to be really provocative and their programme is no place for the feint of heart or soft of epidermis but Henry is still the best.

And we suppose we support Henry ts because we ourselves are known for being particularly garrulous , often down right insensitive, occasionally funny and always opinionated. And we have offended many people over the course of our life. Sometimes we regretted it sometimes we didn't.

So we think that it is totally absurd for the holier than thou brigade to don their cloak of righteousness and call for Henry's sacking.

Fuck off we say. Yes Henry is a dick, yes he is often a purile idiot, yes he is offensive and what he said about the GG was cringeworthy. But he has been punished. End of story.

And for all the holier than thou people who have condemned Henry - keep yelling out your outrage - - it will give us time to research all the pathetic shite you have spouted.

OKAAAYYY

Are we the only ones who think that of all the Commonwealth Games athletes that White South African Irene Van dyk was an interesting choice to hold our flag but that the current GG who has lived here most of his life is considered to be a carpet bagger??

Give me the GG any day.

We think Paul Henry is cool. But not this time.