RESOLUTE IN THE NEW YEAR

A few NY resolutions we would like to to hear

Mark Solomon - " It is now time to move on and let someone else take over. "

Michael Laws "I will stop thinking about kinky sex and get a girlfriend who only likes the missionary position and of course me"

Maori leaders " We resolve to start setting some standards. No gang patches on the Marae, and at any tangi. Our mantra will be ' gang tikanga is not Maori tikanga',"

John Key "I promise to be big and ballsy and make the hard calls to grow the economy"

Bill English " The public service will feel the pain of a thousand cuts."

Judith Collins " I will do what I did last year."

Winston Peters " I will stand in Helensville for the good of the nation."

Phil Goff " I will attend every BBQ that 17 members of my caucus are planning to hold over the summer for the sake of party unity."

Cunliffe " I will roll Phil Goff because I know that I have the superior intellect and I am better at being a shifty bastard than he is."

Trevor Mallard " I will work harder at being the most obnoxious Labour blogger because its so much fucking fun."

Clare Curran " I resolve to give the world peace and love and text Helen clark every night to tell her what a wonderful job I am doing and how popular I am especially with my own caucus."

Paul Henry " I will be a bigger star than I was - take that all you dick shits"

The Brunette " We will continue to take the piss and be obnoxious, talk about sex and country living and generally make lots of noise and swear a lot.

Cactus Kate " Shag more, Drink more, and write good shit, and make squillions while travelling the world in style. "