MURDER AND CARNAGE ON THE FARM

It was an ugly sight -even in the dark. We arrived home to dozens of deaths - carcasses strewn over a big patch in the paddock with evil abandon. Our 3 bloody cows got out of their paddock and ate all the beetroot, brussel sprouts, cabbages, broccoli, cauli and then had the temerity to frolick in the strawberry patch.

After they had their fill they went for a wander down the road for about a mile until some kind farmer shoved them in a paddock. After all that - when we found them, the buggers had the nerve to trot up to the fence and bawl to be fed . One wonders if they didnt do it as a protest for the steer on the left n the pic being all cut up in the freezer. In fact his mince was the base for tonights lovely bolognaise.

The upside is we have two new black as pitch lambs and the Mad Rooters blood runs thick in their veins - the down side is they are both rams who will be named - Frenchie and Rack.

Whose fault that the cows got out?? We aren't telling - other than to say I will get a new rotary hoed garden...

Never a dull day in the country..

NIGEL-RAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB

The mad rooter is gone. And no doubt much to the chagrin of a few bidders he was taken away by a bloke called Mohammed. Mohommed said he wasn't for the pot straight away but in the back of the ute was a bucket with a steel and knife. So it looks like there will a fair bit of mutton curry around Masterton soon. Perhaps even the Goan Mutton Curry below - which looks pretty bloody good to us.

Anyway Nigel our stud muffin Wiltshire ram on the left is now in charge of three ewes. To say he is happy is an understatement.

All proceeds will be heading to the Christchurch Earthquake appeal. Thanks to all those who took an interest in the auction. The mad rooter auction attracted nearly 10,000 views.

And here is a selection of some of the best comments...

Hi, will this ram be compatible with my DELL 1640 laptop? I already have 4gb. Thanks. dextermanas (39 ) 11:50 pm, Tue 15 Mar

Well he has got two mega bits so his download speeds are astounding.. 6:39 am, Wed 16 Mar

I'm from christchurch and NO THANKS for your money, we'd rather not. You hillbilly retarded hick !!!! You really are a stero typed backward farmer aren't you ????? nixgar (0 ) 11:07 am, Wed 16 Mar

Hell no - I come from Invercargill - not Tuatapere. 11:18 am, Wed 16 Mar

Just a pity you can't keep any teeth in your head, the family probably only have six among the lot of you ! Yeaha !! nixgar (0 ) 11:26 am, Wed 16 Mar

well actually we all have our own teeth and our intelligence. and own homes and baches.

I pity this poor little sheep. It's bad enough he no doubt will be killed for his meat but to put it on Trademe to mock him, not cool. christinamd (106 ) 11:16 am, Wed 16 Mar

So would you just like the mint sauce then? 11:19 am, Wed 16 Mar

Ingredients:

• 750 g Mutton • ¼ cup Yogurt • 2 tsp Vinegar • ½ tsp Pepper Powder • 1 tsp Coriander Powder • ½ tsp Clove Powder • 3 tbsp Oil • 2 tbsp Coconut, desiccated • 2 Onions, big size • 1½ inch Ginger • 1 tsp red Chili Powder • 1 tsp Cinnamon Powder • 6 cloves Garlic • 1 tsp Turmeric Powder • 2 cup Warm Water • Salt, to taste

How to make Goan Mutton Curry:

• Start with cleaning and wash the mutton thoroughly to remove unwanted particles from it. • Remove the excess water from it and then cut it into 1 inch cubes. • Take a small bowl and mix turmeric powder in the yogurt to make a cream. Mix mutton cubes in it and keep it for 3 to 4 hours. • Chop the onions in a small bowl and crush the ginger and garlic in the other. • Now, take a heavy bottomed pan and on medium heat, heat up half the oil and fry half chopped onion until it is brown and soft. • Remove it using holed spoon and keep it aside. • Take a pan, add remaining oil in it and then other chopped onions along with crushed ginger and garlic. Stir it fry for one minute. • Now, add coriander powder, cinnamon powder, clove powder, pepper powder, red chili powder and mix well for a minute. • Add 2 tbsp water to the mixture and fry it until the water evaporates. • Put desiccated coconut in it and again mix it well for 2 minutes. • Add mutton to the above mixture and increase the heat. Fry it till it starts changing color. • Add water in it, cover and then bring it to boil slowly at low temperature for 30 minutes. Mix fried onions and salt. • On simmer flame, bring it to boil for 30 minutes or until the meat is tender. Add vinegar to it, remove from the flame and serve hot.

PROMISCUOUS CHOOKS AND HOWDY DOODY

Well for some reason sex seems to be the topic of the month, with the Darren Hughes affair, and the mad rooter and Charlie Sheen all dominating the headlines.

Well now we have a promiscuous chook. We bought a chook with ten little chickie babes on Trademe. But it appears we have purchased a hen hussy. It is obvious there are many fathers involved. Now it appears that she is a good mother, but we are wondering that when we finally purchase a rooster - will he keep her satisfied or will she go walk about in search of more cocks to to satisfy her laying lust.

The good thing is the Department of Rangitumau Hen Housing CEO - The Rock, has built our chooks a Hen Hilton.

Fancy as - it is. Boards, perches, dust, light, air, boxes and an acre to run around in.

We are hoping that our chooks do not end up feeling dependant on our wheaty welfare handouts and accomodation suppliments.

We would prefer that they find the main bulk of food themselves with us giving them a top up.

However we will provide free room and board during egg laying and egg hatching.

And then we might forgive them their hen hussiness.

We dont want socialist chooks who have a sense of entitlement but instead we want hens who are self sufficient.

And if they are really good we will get our chookies a decent cock. A big self important rampant Red rooster Cock called Howdy Doody.

We just hope that for the sake of our chicken breeding programme he doesn't turn out to be gay.

TRADEME , CHRISTCHURCH AND THE MAD ROOTER

We have been a bit like a ram in a paddock of ewes in the past few days - rogering Trademe with undisguised gusto because we reckon that Trade Me was taking advantage of little traders and sucking them dry.

It had to do with listing a mad rooter ram we needed to get rid of - a ram we thought would only fetch about $60 - but it was going to cost us $30 bucks if we sold him. We need to get rid of him because we have replaced him with a Wiltshire studdly muffin called Nigel.

So we blogged, tweeted and facebooked our outrage.

Today we got an answer and hopefully a solution - a category for pets and single farm animals.

We think thats a good option and we hope that Trademe follows it up.

Hi Busted,

I couldn’t squeeze this into 140 characters so had to resort to old-fashioned email. Rest assured, we’ve still got our mojo and our soul here at Trade Me. More than 750,000 Kiwis visit Trade Me each day and more than 250,000 items sold last week – both of these numbers are up on a year ago and up heaps on a few years ago. We’ve also been putting our recent mojo towards building a free site for people affected by the Chch earthquake, iPhone whizz-bang stuff, and a just launched today group-buying site.

You’re right we did increase our success fees a while back. They went up from 6.9% to 7.5% so that meant that on the sale of something for 50 bucks there was a 30-cent increase (to $3.75). That was the first time we’d increased the success fee since September 2008 and we reckon we still offer great value for money to put your items, be they buttons or sheepskin rugs, in front of a massive Kiwi audience.

In terms of livestock (of which your mad rooter is a supreme example), there was no recent fee increase on that front. To list a sheep it’s 29 bucks to list it until it sells – that might take an hour, a day, a week, a month or a year. There is no success fee. The livestock fees haven’t moved since November 2008 (way back when John Key got the top job, and the mad rooter was only a lamb, maybe...)

The livestock category is mostly used by people selling a flock of woolly beasts rather than just one ram. On that front, if you were selling a flock of sheep then $29 to list all your stock is pretty cheap. There’s overs and unders and we acknowledge the model is not perfect so we’re sorry about that. Perhaps we need a “pet lambs and mad rooters” category?

Anyway, we reckon you should relist the Mad Rooter – he might go for heaps more than 60 bucks – remember somebody paid $60,000 for a boulder last week. If you do, make sure you nominate the fecund fellow for a Chch charity auction slot on the homepage – we reckon he’d probably make the cut.

Cheers

Paul

So we have listed the Mad Rooter and a ticket - to BustedBlondes Veuve Clicquot party on Trademe and the lions share of the proceeds will go to the Christchurch earthquake fund. Yes the mad bitch Busted is back.

Party - on. Details soon.

And yes the proceeds of the party will go to Christchurch as well. We grew up in Southland and to all Southlanders of our vintage, Christchurch was the glamorous and sophisticated metropolitan centre of the South Island. And so it will be again.

HAS TRADE ME LOST ITS SOUL?

Im an unabashed capitalist but we are starting to think that Trademe has lost its mojo.

It started off being a great way for Kiwis to buy and sell their stuff. It reached critical mass very fast and we were all pretty proud when Sam Morgan and his small band of backers sold it and made a lot of money.

It was a feel good success story. The sort of entrepreneurial effort that we want to see replicated. And like all good businesses it needs to do all it can to maximise returns to the shareholder. But all business growth needs to be sustainable - and to do that it either needs to grow its customer base or find new ways to make money.

It was good to see that year on year, Trademe expanded so that now there are few aspects of the business community that it does not touch.

And by and large they have done a good job of looking after the "littleguys" cheap stuff is cheapish to sell. Its success is very much based on a sense of community. Its customers are also its fans.

But not any more. Instead of being sharp and looking at innovative ways to expand Trade Me's applications the lazy bastards have gone back to their original client base - the average kiwi peeps and they have starting upping the prices. In some cases the increase cost of selling some goods is nothing less that price gouging.

We found out recently that to sell a sheep that would fetch about $60 the cost has literally gone from about $10 bucks to at least $30. If I was selling a book it would be about $6-$8 dollars. That is price gouging plain and simple. ( note the variance is in how much you want to "pimp" your sale or spend on promoting it.

Its shameful and shows that Trademe is not the cool , innovative, company it once was. The people of New Zealand who found a community that was a unique virtual kiwi village will decamp. They will look else where. We reckon that the time is ripe, for someone to start up something that is honest, profitable and innovative and fun again. Sella has started to show some promise and niche selling platforms like Lifestyleblock.co.nz are also doing ok.

This thread here shows how Trademe is starting to lose support for two reasons - its taking the easy way out and charging more rather than looking for innovative solutions for its customers and new markets and ideas to grow the business.

We think that by and large Trademe still does a good job but our experience in trying to sell a smelly old mad rooter lamb has left us wondering if Trademe has lost its soul.

It is extremely disengenous of Trademe to say that they now charge about $32 and $40 to sell a $60 ram " because its easier" for the customer.

The rationale behind setting a standard price on selling all sheep is to make this easier for our members.

If you wish to sell your ram you will need to ensure that he is listed in the correct category. You won't be able to list him the normal way with normal pricing.

I wish you the best of luck with your future trades, I hope everything goes well and you continue to enjoy using Trade Me.

There is nothing easy about paying more especially when there is no difference in the level of service.

The Trademe team need some guidance from its founder Sam Morgan to help it set its course for the future.

TRADE ME SNIFFS TROUBLE - GIVES WAY TO MAD ROOTER

Trade me , it appears is being concilitaory over the pricing of our Mad Rooter Ram - MR.

Currently you have to pay $10 to list a sheep and a $29 success fee if you sell him. All very well when its a valuable woolly stud muffin but when its a smell old rooter ram that is at best worth $60 - then the pricing is out of kilter.

So you can read the tail of the Mad Rooter here - but we are pleased to report that now it seems that Trademe is happy to consider a " one off " deal for our fine fecund fellow.

And Trade Me have also shown some degree of humour in their reply

Hi ,

Thanks for contacting us.

The pricing of our listing fees is not determined by the end sale price, age or smell of the animal.

We have a set category in which all animals must be sold in. I too can understand your view on this situation, however there is no other category in which you will be able to list your ram.

Where possible Trade Me is happy to make exceptions however in some cases it isn't always possible simply because of where an item needs to be listed.

Let me know much would you like to pay to list your ram and I will see what I can do for you.

Regards,

Hashim

Trade Me Support
http://www.trademe.co.nz

**************************************************

Our conversation so far:

Hi Look i can understand how this come about - there are people who sell flocks of sheep . I only want to sell one smelly old ram. Who will only fetch about $60.

But even you must agree $29 to sell something that is worth $60 is just wrong

I dont think that this was an intended consequence of the change to the prices and Trademe has a reputation for being fair. So can you tell me what you are doing to fix this situation?

cheers

So we will suggest that a price similar to the normal Trademe success fee cost of 7.5% ($4-50) would be fine.

To list Mad Rooter on Trademe will cost $10 so thats $14.50 total to sell something worth $60. So the total cost is around 24%

We will let you know how we get on.

MAD ROOTER HAS TO GO

In the third and fourth pics down is MR - the Mad Rooter ram who has been an excellent fecund fellow. He was put across a purebred dorper and two half dorpers all had twins. He is a big bugger - unsure of the breed but pretty well put together. And in the fourth photo you can see him with the head of the harem - ( full blood dorper) and his two progeny which are 6 months old. In fact we bowled over one last night and the meat looks fantastic as you can see.

We need to get rid of MR because we have bought a Wiltshire ram, the one in picture 2.

Wiltshires are a Jenny Craig nightmare - they look at food and they turn it into meat and they dont grow wool. So they are roasts on legs and easy to look after.

My uncle had one of the best flocks in the country down in Alexandra, but he got a bit crook so he sold them all bar a wee few. Luckily the old man bid and got a couple of the prize rams - one for me and one for a mate. so we aim to cross them with the Dorpers who are also wool shedders known for their meat.

However we are very angry with Trademe. They are now asking for a $29 success fee and $10 to list one bloody sheep. As MR is just a big mad rooting mongrel who will probably fetch $60 bucks tops and not some bloody upmarket wiltshire, like the one with the orange mark on his butt thats worth hundreds of dollars, it looks like price gouging.

We asked them what the story was and this is what they said:

Hi , can you tell me the rationale behind charging $29 to sell a sheep? My smelly old mad rooter ram is only worth about $60 bucks.! How can i list him the normal way with the normal pricing.

regards

TRADEME

Thanks for contacting us.

The rationale behind setting a standard price on selling all sheep is to make this easier for our members.

If you wish to sell your ram you will need to ensure that he is listed in the correct category. You won't be able to list him the normal way with normal pricing.

I wish you the best of luck with your future trades, I hope everything goes well and you continue to enjoy using Trade Me.

If you have further questions regarding this issue please reply and we will answer your email as soon as possible.

Have a great day! :)

Regards,

Hashim

Trade Me Support
http://www.trademe.co.nz

**************************************************

The reply from Trademe is pretty unsatisfactory - so if anyone in the Wairarapa wants him for $60 - give me a buzz bustedblonde@gmail.com

It is not easier! Its just more expensive!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

----Ebony

We have had a pretty good run in the birthing stakes over on the block. 6 lambs from three sheep, 1 chicken from 6 eggs - chickadee, a turkey on eggs and a visiting pheasant and the calves, all four of them growing shiny and fat by the day.

However, this week death came calling. First the turkey - sitting quietly on the nest under the gum tree looking for all the world like she was born to be a mum. Sadly, she died on the nest. She wasnt thin. So one of those mysteries.

Then it was the turn of the only black ewe lamb of the six lambs, ebony, sister to the bigger Ivory. Born three weeks ago and healthy and hearty, it took a scary two hours from the time we realised that there was something wrong till she was dead. First she couldn't see. For a while her mother called her then she gave up - the rest of the flock then ignored her as she started to struggle to stand. It was obviously something affecting her brain.

We put her out of her misery after she failed to get up and she was in distress and barely breathing. I can't stand to see animals suffer.

Then it was the turn of the chickens. They are fully free range. And they roam free with the haybarn their nesting place. Four silky chooks with ten acres to call home.

Two new chickens hatched from a clutch of eggs. One was obviously deformed and died shortly after birth. The second was a reminder that hens are incredibly vicious creatures. one of the other hens literally pecked the second chicken to death.

When we got to the chicken she was barely breathing and full of holes - hen pecked.

So again we decided that it would not live and we had to kill it. It was made worse that we had visitors at the time. I did the deed out of view of two teenage boys.

Its harder than you think - chicks are such fragile creatures, and we have killed thousands of birds over our lifetime. but it never gets easier.

But the one thing that it does do is make you respect life all the more.

LESSONS FROM A LAMB ON THE RAM

We now understand about the ram

this from Lambcut

As Lambcut has stated before, BB is a wannabe rustic. She is in fact an
urban numpty. Upon the succulent smell of ovine pudenda, Rams curl their lips in
lurid anticipation, awaiting the precise time of ovulation. In a commercial
situation, a single Ram may be responsible for serving (yes it is called a
service) between 100 and 200 ewes.



The ratio depends on a number of factors, not the least being the
parsimoniousness of the farmer who must spend quite a bit for a good ram.
Ovulation generally occurs in three cycles, which cease when the ewe is
successfully served. The second cycle is the most fruitful.



Vasectomised teaser rams are sometimes used during the first cycle to get
the ewe’s juices flowing and to increase conception rates by only introducing
entire Rams in the lucrative second cycle. But on any reckoning, a Ram may serve
up to 200 ewes, and may serve many of them more than once. He does all of this
in no more than a 6 week period. Do the math.



On that basis, you too would curl your eager lips while waiting for the
optimum moment. Let Lambcut assure you, there is no lack of enthusiasm in a Ram.
In preparation for tupping a farmer feeds his rams prodigiously, trims their
feet, and trims around their pizzles (rustic for penis).

This, inter alia, is to avoid pizzle rot (a cruel and stinking disease, the details of
which are better known only unto rustics). Depending on the wooliness of the
breed, the farmer may also eyewig the Ram (eyewigging is rustic for an eyebrow
trim). This is so they can properly sight the salubrious nether organ of their
target.

Though the Rams are presented to their harem at the beginning of tupping in
optimum physical condition, they invariably return pale and emaciated. Some die. They will copulate even unto death.

DAM THE RAM

We have a burning question. When we were a little thing in overalls overseeing all the doings on our grandfathers farm we learnt a lot about sex. The years have dimmed the memories sadly, so we cant dredge our mind banks for the answer to this problem.

See, the thing is, because we are weekend worriers with a 10 acre block we don't want the hassle of owning stock so a lovely bloke up the road takes care of that by grazing his sheep here . Now presently we have a pick and mix flock on the place. Some white, some black, some black and white, some shedders, some woollies, a lot of girls and four big boys.

Now I remember helping my grandfather put a harness on the rams to know if they were tupping - which is shaggaroonied to all your city slickers.The harness was fitted with a coloured chalk under their belly. Each ram had a different colour. Some were very vigorous while others pondered the task. And after they did the deed a smudge was left on the smiley faced ewe. We would lean on the fence and watch with interest the derring do of the big Southdown rams on many an afternoon ranking them for their sexual prowess.

Our rams have no harnesses and we reckon they take the weekend off. Haven't seen a single rogering and there is is no all out war like I remember in the rams of old. Hell I saw one break its neck in a fight once.
No, these big boys slink around the paddock - do the sniffy bum thing then curl their lips in disgust ( what do they expect ??!!) and then wander off.

We wonder if the time isn't right, that these rams are unionised and are only on the job Monday to Friday or horror of horrors are past their prime.

Anyways I now keep a close watch on them just to see if I can catch them in the act but despite my ovine voyerism , I have yet to see a woolly dirty deed done .

Methinks we need to give Homepaddock a buzz and get her to impart some country wisdom. Or maybe Lambcut has the answer..

NEW TOY

We got a new toy today - its shiny and smells new. And it makes noise and does stuff. Its very very cool. BB has already polished it once. Its purchase was also a testament to the service you get in the provinces. We bought it from the John Deere dealer on the way into Masterton. We had been into a couple of places but no -one in the stores seemed to have the authority to "talk turkey" and do a good cash deal. So in we wander to the John Deere dealer and there was a lovely aussie chick and a young fella. They were very good but knew bugger all and were honest about it . But in a flash they rang the salesman, (something the people in the other two dealerships didn't do) and we got all the info we needed including the price which was very good. He also asked if it was okay if he delivered it later in the afternoon because he was going to the Air Show. Well hell we were impressed. The deal was done and about 4.30 it was delivered. He came out with some of his relatives from Holland who were having a ball here.
Anyway, we have generally found shopping in Masterton to be a good experience, people will normally go the extra mile and they are always friendly. It's that sort of warmth that will probably see us make our home here one day in the not too distant future.