Showing posts with label sheep industry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sheep industry. Show all posts

Monday, 23 March 2009

LESSONS FROM A LAMB ON THE RAM



this from Lambcut



As Lambcut has stated before, BB is a wannabe rustic. She is in fact an
urban numpty. Upon the succulent smell of ovine pudenda, Rams curl their lips in
lurid anticipation, awaiting the precise time of ovulation. In a commercial
situation, a single Ram may be responsible for serving (yes it is called a
service) between 100 and 200 ewes.



The ratio depends on a number of factors, not the least being the
parsimoniousness of the farmer who must spend quite a bit for a good ram.
Ovulation generally occurs in three cycles, which cease when the ewe is
successfully served. The second cycle is the most fruitful.



Vasectomised teaser rams are sometimes used during the first cycle to get
the ewe’s juices flowing and to increase conception rates by only introducing
entire Rams in the lucrative second cycle. But on any reckoning, a Ram may serve
up to 200 ewes, and may serve many of them more than once. He does all of this
in no more than a 6 week period. Do the math.



On that basis, you too would curl your eager lips while waiting for the
optimum moment. Let Lambcut assure you, there is no lack of enthusiasm in a Ram.
In preparation for tupping a farmer feeds his rams prodigiously, trims their
feet, and trims around their pizzles (rustic for penis).

This, inter alia, is to avoid pizzle rot (a cruel and stinking disease, the details of
which are better known only unto rustics). Depending on the wooliness of the
breed, the farmer may also eyewig the Ram (eyewigging is rustic for an eyebrow
trim). This is so they can properly sight the salubrious nether organ of their
target.

Though the Rams are presented to their harem at the beginning of tupping in
optimum physical condition, they invariably return pale and emaciated. Some die. They will copulate even unto death.

BAAAAMY STUFF

This is the latest viral video on the net - we have no idea why but its fun and we reckon that the LED Coats will be the " next big thing" in rural entertainment.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

DAM THE RAM



We have a burning question. When we were a little thing in overalls overseeing all the doings on our grandfathers farm we learnt a lot about sex. The years have dimmed the memories sadly, so we cant dredge our mind banks for the answer to this problem.

See, the thing is, because we are weekend worriers with a 10 acre block we don't want the hassle of owning stock so a lovely bloke up the road takes care of that by grazing his sheep here . Now presently we have a pick and mix flock on the place. Some white, some black, some black and white, some shedders, some woollies, a lot of girls and four big boys.

Now I remember helping my grandfather put a harness on the rams to know if they were tupping - which is shaggaroonied to all your city slickers.The harness was fitted with a coloured chalk under their belly. Each ram had a different colour. Some were very vigorous while others pondered the task. And after they did the deed a smudge was left on the smiley faced ewe. We would lean on the fence and watch with interest the derring do of the big Southdown rams on many an afternoon ranking them for their sexual prowess.

Our rams have no harnesses and we reckon they take the weekend off. Haven't seen a single rogering and there is is no all out war like I remember in the rams of old. Hell I saw one break its neck in a fight once.
No, these big boys slink around the paddock - do the sniffy bum thing then curl their lips in disgust ( what do they expect ??!!) and then wander off.

We wonder if the time isn't right, that these rams are unionised and are only on the job Monday to Friday or horror of horrors are past their prime.

Anyways I now keep a close watch on them just to see if I can catch them in the act but despite my ovine voyerism , I have yet to see a woolly dirty deed done .

Methinks we need to give Homepaddock a buzz and get her to impart some country wisdom. Or maybe Lambcut has the answer..