GUESS WHERE CACTUS IS?

She appears a little bored..

FLATMATES

We are delighted Judith has delivered on her promise to house inmates in sturdy shipping containers.

We would like to see Corrections put Clayton Weatherston and William Bell together...

And how about .... Philip Field and Nai Yin Xue

and maybe Mary Ann Thompson and Stephen Versalko

So any other suggestions for suitable roomies in the new container cells?

FRIDAY ROUND UP

So which three young likely lads working in the Beehive are known as the " Boy Band?"

Clues
- Be forewarned
- church big wig
- Rolling stone

Apparently all are popular with women. does this mean right wing politics is the new black?

Does any women actually shave their legs with the Gillette Vibrating Venus razor?

What does Tracy Watkins have against Minister for Agriculture David Carter to say, in a recent ranking article on Ministers performance, that he deserved a 3/10 when he is well liked and respected by the agriculture sector and that his caucus collegues are very impressed by how he manages his portfolio? And where did she ever get the idea that Key would give him the biff in any future cabinet reshuffle?


So what does Colin Espiner do now that Tracy Watkins was picked for the Fairfax political hub top job?

SOME QUESTIONS TO PONDER

If Nikki Kaye has broken her ankle how will Ranfurly cope?

Which well known mover and shaker is a Nigel No Mates on one board because his fellow directors are having trouble trusting him?

Is it okay to fart in cattle class on a plane? And do planes make you fart anyhow?

And does the fact that 32 light bulbs at Dockside need replacing mean that its not being managed like it used to be?

How much money is going to leave the country next week ?

Isn't Lisa Lewis the best marketer we have seen in a while?

GOOD NEWS

We will have some very interesting and heartwarming news in the morning. We want all our loyal Roarprawn fans to get on board with the project we will be announcing tomorrow.

Sleep tight.

WHALE STOPS WELLINGTON TRAFFIC

This headline stopped us in our tracks. Had the mighty Whale ventured south to vent closer to the politicians who fear his blog?
Nah its wasnt him. Just some big tasty fish lazing in the sun.

TO MUMS EVERYWHERE

From the red hot prawn. Send it to your mum for Mothers day . She will love it....

A DISCERNING FLEA

We have been bitten, by what we think is a flea. Now considering that we have been rolling around picking grapes, patting strange dogs and have had a mouse problem in the Wairarapa, it is not surprising we have a flea.

However it is the flea's target that has us bemused. Not the butt or the bits in between. No. this is a very discerning flea. Last night he gorged himself on our juicy bits. Now we of stout frame provide excellent pickings for a rampant flea but he homed in on our breasts and judging by the tracks on our tits this morning, he had a fine old feast.

Sadly we have yet to find him. And unwilling to risk being sucked dry tonight we will be washing sheets and dousing ourselves in toxins so that his blood lust does not reduce our ample melons to the size of shrivelled passionfuit.

RANDOM MUSING FOR THE DAY

Readers Digest like so many other companies appears to be in a spot of financial bother.
It is even considering bankruptcy.

It has been suggested that most Readers Digests ended up as mind fodder in the toilets around the world. The BBC even has a blog on reading in the loo.

Which got us to pondering - did they write the stories based on the time it would take you to read them while you were enjoying your morning constitutional?

bad airlines

RULES FOR NORTH ISLANDERS

FOR NORTH ISLANDERS

Rules for visiting the South Island are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a Ute

because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust

on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like

money to us. Get over it. Don't like it ? SH1 goes north, find it and

F%&$# off

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000

Harvesters that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the South waves. It's called being friendly. Try to

understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/quail

are comin' in during the season, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You

better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and duck. You really want sushi and

caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of duck season. It's a religious

holiday , we will observe it !.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you

can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables

and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Watties Tomato sauce!

Oh, yeah We don't care what you folks in Ponsonby call that stuff you eat

... .

IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served

over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know

how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Rugby is as important here as the All

Blacks, the Highlanders and the Crusaders and a heap more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it

spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump cr @ p ain't

music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your

boxers! Refer back to #1!

WE ALL NEED A LAUGH

This from Whetu Chini

sunday black and whitepics

river at play wool on wire

THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE

Its amazing what people get money to investigate.

And the study is not really large enough to be of much import either.




This in the Herald
A woman raises the pitch of her voice during her most fertile period of the month in an unconscious boost to her femininity, according to a study in the British journal Biology Letters.
A pair of scientists at the University of California in Los Angeles asked 69 women to make voice recordings when they were at high and low fertility points in their menstrual cycle.
The closer a woman was to ovulation, the more she raised her pitch, the investigators found.
The increase in tone was slight, but enough to be picked up by the voice decoder and presumably by the male ear as well.

JUST IN FROM THE HAIRY OYSTER

sign outside the NYSX

Hat Tip to the Hairy Oyster

FOR INSOMNIACS

GO WHACK A POLL

Courtesy of Stuff

just the sort of light relief we need after the earth shaking financial news today...


Hat Tip Home Paddock

THERES AN ELECTION THIS WEEK

Now heres a way to have fun... Only just found this thanks to Whetu Chini.....

Its Jimungo find it here

seems to be based on Virtual Rugby - anyway you get to vote every week in a new election...

Roarprawn challenges every other VRWC site to make there picks - drinks on the loser ...

CACTUS KATE DOESN'T APPRECIATE GOOD WINE AND WELL ENDOWED FARMERS

Bugger me , I thought that this was the outstanding news of the week - a direct air service from Masterton to Auckland.

The Aussie Rock and I have a block of lovely land and a really big shed with a really big bed just north of Masterton so I was delighted to read about the new air service on STUFF this morning .

Kate takes the piss - but hell the Wairarapa is a very happening place, lots of very eligible bachelors over there and plenty of married men who are looking for a bit of off the radar action so if i was her I would be jetting in as soon as she gets a long weekend.

Steamy Boy cooks up a good moral tale

Heres a tale worth pondering from Steamy boy of Rotorua

The ant and the grasshopper

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

TV1, TV3 and Maori TV show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. New Zealand is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Sue Bradford stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.'

Michael Cullen exclaims in an interview with John Campbell that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share as the ant is too much of a 'Rich Prick.'

Finally, the Labour Party drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Winston gets his old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of judges that Helen appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighbourhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY:


Be VERY careful how you vote in 2008!!

Great work Doc,

Mac Doctor has a bloody good idea for a bill board.

I have also received some more from another roarprawn reader.... will put them up over the next few days