MISTRESSOLOGY

We are starting to feel very sorry for Tiger Woods. Hell he might have been as pious prat  who hasn't lived up to the legend  but he has faced his demons and its time for him to get back to doing what the world wants most from him - good golf.

We are disgusted by the antics of the attention seeking bevy of mistresses who are milking the Tiger phenomenon - for all its worth.


As for Joslyn James  - she wants an apology  - well bless her victoria secret undies. Why does she deserve one?  She seems to think that its because Tiger lied to her. Yip  - he did but she forgets that the relationship was based on a false premise as well. She was living a big fat  lie  one she was fully aware of.

Here are Busted Blondes  rules for mistresses.

• Never forget you are just the mistress.  
• You made the decision to be the mistress - no one forces you to. 
• Being a mistress demands a bit of theatre - that means the situation has its own unreality - so being told that he loves you is just a nice line in the stage production that is the "affair"
• You need to realise you fill a gap  in his life  - but he does not want you  to take over his life. 
• Take all the gifts and trinkets you can get - its all you will end up with in the end.
• He loves the thrill of the naughtiness of it. Most men harbour secret dirty girl fantasies.
• A couple of nights here and there does not constitute mistress status - it means you are just a root - maybe a good root but just a root nonetheless. 
• Staying the night does not indicate love - most men like morning sex - he knows he needs to stay to get it. 
• Flowers jewellery and chocolates  do not constitute love  - you give gifts to those who give good service and it shows you are a nice person  - sort of the international koha.
• Men like cuddles - they do not mean love. Dont confuse affection for love.
• Men want it all - so they wont leave status and respect for a good shag.
• Mistresses do not get respect - they get gratitude.
• If he leaves his wife he wont end up with you  - that will make him feel too  guilty  - he will find another lover who wasn't involved in the deception. 

Final rule of mistressology - it will end in tears sooner or later - relationships on any level based on betrayal and lies are always doomed.




 

FRANKLY MY DEAR

We have borrowed this from Guido Fawkes

Disraeli on arriving home from the Commons to find that his wife had waited up for him with a game pie and a bottle of champagne.

“My Dear, you are more like a mistress than a wife”.

GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS'S PAST

From the Herald comes some words of advice .

All BB will say is it is wise advice. Be good at Xmas parties. No wearing a wee number that makes your cleavage look like a creamy abyss. No smoking dope or swallowing party drugs. No kissing in the lift or in the stationery cupboard. No late night clubbing and no sharing a cab home with your boss.

Staff members going to work Christmas parties this season could wake up with more than just a hangover, with infidelities "rampant" during the silly season, a private investigator warns.

A recent survey of 1168 workers by a condom manufacturer found 49 per cent would like to have sex at an office Christmas party given the opportunity.

With the combination of alcohol, reduced inhibitions and intention, large numbers of relationships will start to show the cracks of infidelity leading up to and during the Christmas and New Year period, private investigator Kerrie Pihema said.

"If you suspect your spouse of being romantically involved with someone at work, we strongly recommend you attend the office party," Ms Pihema said.

"Do not be put off by your partner suggesting the Christmas party is a `closed shop' or that you will not know anyone there. Arrange for a babysitter if you have children, wear your fancy attire and turn up."

She said if people had genuine concerns about their partner and workplace infidelity then Christmas parties were a source of information that may be "too valuable to your relationship to miss".

And as a matter of interest Kerrie Pihema is a top chick.