FILL YA CUPS

Hell, just when we decide to downsize - along comes an offer that we would find hard to refuse. A bar in Singapore allocates drinks to women according to cup size. We would get seriously sloshed in short order.

The free drink nights have strict rules: There are two judges, one of each gender, who visually determine each woman's cup size. A women with an A cup receives one free drink, a B cup gets two, a C cup slurps down three, those lucky enough to have a D cup walk away with a free bottle of vodka.

So by our reckoning , based on our bountiful bosum , we would get a couple of bottles of free vodka while poor old - currant buns Cactus would only get a small free drink.

We think its a great gimmick.

Singapore anyone?

WIRED

We have been having a crap day. Age is a bitch that rides in on a menopausal wave and knocks you flat on your soft spreading saggy arse.



The day started badly. The weather was crap.
It did get better this afternoon though.

Now we always said that Bill English is an honourable man and we were delighted but not surprised to see he is paying all his allowance back. It was legally his but he was having difficulty climbing the moral high ground. So three cheers for the boy from Dipton. He might spend a fair bit of time in Wellington but his proud bones , like ours, are from the deep south and down there honour is everything.

When we heard that news - we cracked a smile.

However the day ended on a bad note. We have pleaded in the past for Consumer Magazine or Fair Go to examine the woeful state of the Bra industry. Simply the bra wires do not last like they used to. Today our lefty wire snapped as we were getting into a taxi ( we paid for it not the tax payer).

Went off like a .22 rifle. And it poked a hole in our booby. Ouch...

So we want Bra wires to meet certain standards. We want bra manufacturers to be forced to use wire for Bra's that are tested to meet certain bounce tests.
Pleeease ...
Menopause, which means being constantly at the mercy of the 7 menopause dwarfs is bad enough without having to put up with faulty engineering.

So today was mainly crap and then we got home to find we had oversold 20kgs of whitebait and have none left for us.... sob....

TARGET SHOULD DO AN INVESTIGATION INTO BRA WIRES

We know we have done a few posts on bras, but after 2300 km of driving in Australia - much over rutted dirt roads, in a V6 Commodore with low profile tyres - we have given our bras a serious work out. And our latest black lacy 18dd is now stuffed.

We are pretty sure that the underwire is made from recycled skodas. These days our underwire bras last about 4 months then either it busts (sorry about the pun) or gets really bent out of shape. One wire recently gave up the good fight in a meeting and the sound of the snap was loud enough to be heard by the others in the room . It was a long moment. We coughed loudly and scraped our chair but one other big breasted chick in the room - gave me a knowing wink. I fessed up and everyone was deeply sympathetic.

Anyway, I reckon that this is one for the consumer champions, Target to investigate. - Put some underwire bras under some stress tests and see which brands come up trumps.

We and our two best assets would be eternally grateful and considering the price of a good bra, if we had to replace them less often we would save enough money to stock up on champers for Cactus's next visit.

BIG GIRLS WIN WAR ON TIT TAX

Women all over Britain have been outraged after Marks and Spencer started charging an extra two quid for bras with DD cups and over.

We have huge sympathy with these women
<---- Not BB.
Silly buggers - pommie queen size women obviously weren't going to take that sort of sizeist nonsense lying down.

Based on my humble experience with pommie men - ( married one once ) they are a nation of tit men so this campaign garnered some nationwide support quicker than a 15 year old boy could ping a bra strap.

Marks and Sparks reckoned it cost extra to make DD cup over the shoulder boulder holders.Crap said the "big breasted don't mess with us" team. They weren't being charged for big sized clothing so the argument appeared as realistic as Pamela Andersons left one.

So more than 8000 signing up to support a Facebook campaign run by Busts 4 Justice, which branded the extra charge for bigger bras an "unfair tit-tax".

National newspapers joined their cause, attacking M&S over its pricing policy and recruiting all sorts of voluptuous celebrities to comment on how unfair they thought it was.

The mass market Daily Mail began offering discount M&S vouchers so its readers wouldn't have to fork out any extra for larger size bras.

The Sun tabloid, famous for its Page 3 topless models, also urged M&S: "Hands off our boobs".

Finally after days of controversy - and bucketloads of negative publicity for M&S - the retailer's dapper chief executive Sir Stuart Rose backed down and announced an end to the bigger bra cost with the simple admission: "We boobed."

Yip we agree they made right tits of themselves.

BIG SCOTTY BRA BOSS SWINGS RIGHT

Yup, entrepreneurs and the wealth creators in Scotland are leaving the Left in droves for the Tories
The upfront boss of underwear company Ultimo,Michelle Mone has labelled the 50 percent tax rate put up by Gordon smeargate Brown, for those earning over $150,000 pounds - a disgrace.

Go Michelle!

THE CUPS RUNNETH OVER DOWN SOUTH.

There was a rather vivid Southland saying that referred to the sized of ones boobies - " Shes got tits bigger than a Taranaki cow"
Always fascinated me how a Taranaki Cow could have more pendulous udders than the ones that the Southland cows sported but the reference was always about "Naki cows.
So it came as no surprise that in the deep south the Southland Times chose to run a feature about how important it is to get fitted for a bra. Now at the tender age of 13 being mandhandled by a woman ( she sported a Stephanie Mills) who seemed to really enjoy playing with my tiggers during my first bra fitting is one of the horrific memories of my pubescent years.

I was also the only one in my class who went straight to being encased in an underwire over- the- shoulder boulder- holder -bypassing all the slinky malinky models my mates adorned their poached eggs with.

And as you get older and gravity, that evil foe of women, tugs on your jugs , a good bra is a must.
And as long as the manthing of my past has gone to lesbian heaven, getting a good bra fitting advice is imperative.

So good on the Southland Times for giving the sheilas of the south the information they need to make their world a little bit more comfy.

BRA BURNING

I did a real dumb thing today . Rushed into the Farmers 50% off lingerie sale and grabbed two bras without giving them a trial run. One was an "increase the cleavage number" and the other was a mechanical marvel designed to deal with weighty issues and gravity's foul deeds and "minimise me."Hell, I thought only surgery could do that but I was willing to give it a whirl.

You know you are in trouble and need to lose some weight when the shop girl gives you a bag that would hold a beer fridge, to carry two bras out of the shop.

The Cleavage number first - its white and shocking pink - and considering my advancing years, 50 is creeping up the back stairs, we are now more suited to mauve, beige and the occasional saucy black, it was definitely an impulse buy.

I got home wondering why people had been giving me quizzical looks wandering down Manners Mall - I found out when I bent down to get the key to the door and nearly sent a broken underwire up my left nostril. There was no doubt in my nose that I needed new support.

I stripped off and held the the shocking pink padded titty hammocks aloft and swung them on. I stopped breathing - true! My boobies were pushed so far up they were nuzzling my bruised nostrils. I let down the straps to see if that would help and I swear I heard my titskies sigh. The cleavage was so deep and long that it rivalled the Manawatu gorge.

I took the pinkie pouches off and I swear again that my mammaries did a little jiggle of their own volition in celebration of being free.

I wondered if I could strap it to the new shed and grow plants in it.

So onto the second. I leaned over, as they old bra fitting bitches of my traumatised past taught me and hiffed it on. In a mammary moment I realised why the "minimiser" was on sale. My bountiful breasts rested somewhere between my armpits and my shoulder blades. I tried to swing them into position but nearly knocked myself out. They just schlurped back under my arms so that I looked like I had a footy ball under each wing and a chest as flat as the paddock the game is played on.

I wrestled it off - the cups are too flaccid to provide the support needed for wall planters but I reckon, at a pinch, I can strain the jelly jam through them.

Anyway I am demoralised - $64 ( the price of a bowl of crayfish bisque at Zicos and a lovely bottle of soave ) wasted.

And for the record the picture is not me - silly boys, she is clearly a FF cup.

So if anyone would like the offending 18DD unused pink plant hanger and the jelly jam strainers - email me - I will post em for free.