Friday, 10 June 2011


After we posted on the woeful Hillary Calvert last night - the phone started to go off.

It appears that deep within in ACT there is a realisation of an urgent need to revitalise the Party list.

Hillary Calvert is likely to disappear as it has already be decided she is too much of a liability. And it seems, that Heather Roy is likely to be asked to consider stepping aside for someone with more intellectual grunt and political nouse.

So the big news is Cactus Kate has been asked to become an ACT candidate.. And despite her being particularly hard to pin down as she swans around the world she did concede she would rule nothing out. In fact her first words when we asked her if it was true was

" How did you know wench?"

We just told her that our deep throat was bigger than her deep throat.

We would have to admit that her grey matter was awash in bubbles at the time and apparently she was smack dab in the middle of some Pacific Hunkfest which would account for the lack of sophistication of her answer to our political probe.

We also know that she has been considering, due to her advancing years and growing bank balance, that she needs to put down roots - not dud roots - real roots. Like buy a house or at least an apartment.

She has only just left New Zealand on a very low key visit but we know that she spent an awful lot of quality time with some key ACT decision makers and is due back again soon

So we hope that ACT pushes her hard to accept- she will increase the current intellectual depth of the party 10 fold.

If she gets to be an MP then we reckon you will see packed houses for question time.

And she will scare the bejeesus out of Key.



Good Lord! Does this mean we will also have someone who takes a huge cut in salary before they serve their country?
I think Cactus would do an excellent job running the country too!

Pix said...

That would have to be the best news I have had all week. New Zealand desperately needs some realists in our parliament. GO CACTUS KATE Please do it. Act already get my vote.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Well, they are going to need to do a hell of a lot more than drag in a few candidates. They'll need to have some strategy for getting back all the volunteers who have thrown their hands in the air and walked away. They'll need to figure out how to keep their bumblefooted leader out of the public eye.

Most of all they'll have to work out how to get just a fraction more than 1.5% of the party vote.

Maybe you've forgotten Dr Brash was the great saviour. He was going to rescue the party vote. Remember his private polling which few people seem to have seen?

And now you expect poor old Cactus to walk in and fix the mess?

She'll suffer the same fate as Joan of Arc, at the hands of a similar band of old pricks.

Naaah. She's be better to stand off for a little and let them really fuck it up first.

Anonymous said...

If ACT were to vznish off the page as is your wish Adolf, then where do the people of the right go to place their vote. Who else in this country believes in small government, low taxes, bugger all regulations, individual responsibility etc Certainly not the idiots that you champion. National and Labor are but two sides of the same socialist coin.

Pix said...

Oops, I didn't put my name in my last comment.

Anonymous said...

Don't know if I could bring myself to vote ACT but if she was the Wellington Central candidate she'd definitely have my vote over the National guy

WWallace said...

I can imagine that MP Cactus would quickly gain a reputation at Question Time. This could attract all sorts of anonymous information from members of the public concerned about ill-advised public policies, providing more ammo for even more lively Question Times (a volatile feedback loop!).

It could also do wonders for the Y-chromosome-challenged voters -- not only in attracting support to ACT, but also in challenging the world view of many younger women voters.

Mike said...

we know that she spent an awful lot of quality time with some key ACT decision makers

She has studied under a fair few of them.

She's unelectable, though, because the racist bigotry that saturates her blog would ensure her nomination attracted a media frenzy the like we've never seen...

Anonymous said...

This is entirely why she would be a great candidate Mike, she would put dickheads like yourself firmly in your place. I have read her blog for years and there's nothing there that's even half as bad as what comes out of Hone Harawira or even Tariana Turia's mouths at frequent intervals. I say bring it on.

Anonymous said...

Cactus Kate is unelectable and she knows it.

The first question someone would ask is:

"considering you've made it your life's work on your blog to report how you shag other woman's husbands, talk gossip crap and hide other people's wealth, why do you think we could trust you with ANYTHING?"

And another thought. Given WhaleOil Slater is her mate, does that mean he would include her in his sleaze profile he reckons he's going to publish in August?

Chris Pemberton

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

No Pix, that is not my wish. However, the present incarnation of ACT appears to be doomed.

I just hope there will be enough pieces left after November and enough people of character and genuine ability to pick them up for the party to recover in time to be of some use in 2014.

Anonymous said...

Chris Pemberton, easy answer for that. Unlike most people who partake in those activities, she is honest about admitting to it.

Anonymous said...

Adolf used to support all the the current incarnation of ACT when they were in National. He doesn't knwo what he's on about.

DS said...

Adolf appears to be drunk most of the time when he posts, no matter on which blog.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Anon at 755PM
Um, that makes her even more stupid.
First for doing it, second for bringing to our attention.

All Cactus would do is confirm the public's (correct) perception that ACT is the home for oversexed, arrogant numpties who haven't figured out that money can't cover their serious personality defects.

Mind you, stories of Don Brash hitting on Cactus or Roger Kerr chasing her through Parliament grounds late at night would probably make good copy - but it sure won't help in running the country. And that is why ACT is a joke.

Chris P

Anonymous said...

Chris considering Roger Kerr's current condition that comment is made in utmost bad taste and shameful. You are showing yourself to be far more of a prat than anything you accuse Cactus of.