ROY WAS DUMPED

Heather Roy has gone hard out today to try and convince the country that she is quitting politics on her own terms. This is predictable behaviour from a woman who has always put herself before the party.

Thing is, Roy did not quit - that's bullshit spin- she was pushed by Brash and it wasn't a gently shoulder tap but a elegant boot up her skinny arse "push."

But Roy has sucked in the media and convinced them that she is leaving on her terms.

The most hilarious part of all this is we are pretty confident that Roy would not have considered leaving until Cactus Kate made it clear she was about to seek party nomination. We bought you that news first on Roarprawn.

That scared the crap out of Roy. Cactus is an intellectual articulate woman of the global village while Roy is a mumsy disloyal fluffy headed bint who wets her pants over soldier boys.

Having Cactus in caucus would have seen Roy reduced to a pile of menopausal detritus in double quick time.

Brash is clearly and rightly moving to strengthen the backbone of the party.

So there is no room for a spare ribs of no effect like Roy and that other seriously odd ginga Hillary Calvert. We are expecting Calvert will also announce that she would rather be back in Dunedin buying up more properties for the local sex trade soon.

Go Cactus - Your Country needs you.

NOW IS THE TIME - ACT

After we posted on the woeful Hillary Calvert last night - the phone started to go off.

It appears that deep within in ACT there is a realisation of an urgent need to revitalise the Party list.

Hillary Calvert is likely to disappear as it has already be decided she is too much of a liability. And it seems, that Heather Roy is likely to be asked to consider stepping aside for someone with more intellectual grunt and political nouse.

So the big news is Cactus Kate has been asked to become an ACT candidate.. And despite her being particularly hard to pin down as she swans around the world she did concede she would rule nothing out. In fact her first words when we asked her if it was true was

" How did you know wench?"

We just told her that our deep throat was bigger than her deep throat.

We would have to admit that her grey matter was awash in bubbles at the time and apparently she was smack dab in the middle of some Pacific Hunkfest which would account for the lack of sophistication of her answer to our political probe.

We also know that she has been considering, due to her advancing years and growing bank balance, that she needs to put down roots - not dud roots - real roots. Like buy a house or at least an apartment.

She has only just left New Zealand on a very low key visit but we know that she spent an awful lot of quality time with some key ACT decision makers and is due back again soon

So we hope that ACT pushes her hard to accept- she will increase the current intellectual depth of the party 10 fold.

If she gets to be an MP then we reckon you will see packed houses for question time.

And she will scare the bejeesus out of Key.

BARMY BINT NEEDS BOOT - ACT NOW.

We have been living in fear and trepidation of telling Cactus Kate about Wednesday's Backbenches show.

It was a cringefest due to the mind bogglingly odd and inappropriate Hilary Calvert. There is nothing to commend this woman - someone has bent her social acceptability radar around her red curly bangs.

We breed chooks - for eggs and to eat. But until the moment of dispatch they live in a hen Hilton and have the run of the place. We understand that there is a need for intensively produced eggs and that there are good and bad points to all egg and broiler raising operations including free range and organic. A good battery operation is not a bad in the scheme of things - a bad one is well pardon the pun - fowl. We have seen both.

Calvert was crass, arrogant and just plain scary as she went on and on about chickens and cages and killing them.

But after Backbenches last night there is only one chook who should be looked up in a cage and its Hillary Calvert - and frankly it wold be no loss if someone chopped her head off as there appears to be little in it anyway.

-Now back to Cactus - as we said we didnt know how to tell her that yet another ACT member was shaping up to be a dud.

We didnt need to worry - she watched the show online and if you think I'm disgusted - read her comments.

We dont think Hilary Calvert will make the cut on the ACT list. And we dont think that will ruffle many feathers - apart from the headless Gallus herself.