HORSESHIT AND BIODYNAMICS

A few weeks ago when the International Big Oil was in town a few media politeratti and cliteratti gathered for a bit of a catch up.

There was good wine to be had.  Lots of it - we were buying and sharing our favourites with  others . 

A well known media personality presented us with a new wine.  

It was cloudy and sorry boys - but it was the colour of a mucky period.. 

A diseased ruby color. 

We all sniffed inquisitively and as I cast my eyes around the table it was clear that this was not an ephiphanistic drop. 

We sipped but our palates were in obvious agreement - it was not a great wine. 

The purchaser of this bemusing wine was aghast - "Its bio dynamic! " he exclaimed 

Moments like these are always dangerous for us sheilas of advancing years and bladder valves worn by too many evenings on the hops as a young un. 

We were characteristically blunt. "Its crap." 

Others murmured in agreement . To be fair some thought it was okay  - drinkable at a pinch - " A quaffer " someone proffered.

Then the buyee of the bottle thundered  "Its $245.. "

About $10 bucks worth shot out the left side on my mouth. 

A mate lost control of her muscles and spilt a $20 bucks on the table as she jerked in reaction to the revelation. 

Then we proceeded to take the piss out of the plonk. It was universally declared ordinary. 

Bio dynamics is a wonderful marketing ploy by the organic lobby. Medieval mysticism gone moderne. 

Now I grow a few veges  and we have cows and sheep a horse and chooks and as everyone knows manure is good for you. I use it extensively  and the results are glorious. Use lots of manure and you get robust, lush fecund fauna. 

 However playing in shit filling up horns cos they are the seemingly magical   "fertile" bit of the bovine and burying them to mature the said crap  is just frikking daft. 

Doing it in time with the moon and sun indicates that the believers have been exposed to too many solar flares. 

Now in this video  up on the Seresin Wine Site (which I think has some of the finest wine in the world) is an example of  how this pseudo science is being peddled. 

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/forejgHXqD4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>iframe>

Some cute guy  playing with poo somehow seems romantic when the dreamy scenes are linked to lush vineyards. 

He looks like some agrarian Merlin piling the poop into horns for it to mature in the earth to wait a while for it to turn into plant superfood. 

The simple fact is - if you line up a biodynamic vineyard and one that uses natural fertilisers like manure broken down in the old fashioned way, the results would be the same. 

Its not the moon or the sun or the "fertile horn"  or even the steadfast belief of the cute guy that's creating good wine. Its a modern myth. 

Its simply that shit is the biz when it comes to making things grow. 

And its time that this weird wine wankery was unmasked for what it is  - bollocks. 

Some biodynamic wine will be good in spite of the all the jiggery pokery .  Because shit is good for the soil.  But all the biodynamic ritual adds no value

The shit is where its at. 

So to all you good wine makers out there - stop taking the piss - us good wine drinkers deserve more respect .

Their is truth in the vine - tell it. 

SOUTHERN SEDUCTION 3 - COME DRINK AND EAT WITH US

New Zealand is now firmly entrenched as one of the worlds leading producers of great wines.

New Zealand is now a must visit destination for wine lovers of the world.

Even today Martinborough Pinot Noir - trumped some of the leading and much more expensive wines in a blind tasting in Pasadena California.

We think it is in the South Island that some of our greatest vinos are being produced.

And there is an innovation and an adventurous spirit in our winemakers that sees them experiment and create new taste sensations.

Some of our favourites:

Olssens

Wooing Tree

Mishas

Seresins

Neudorf

Carricks

Chard Farm

Peregrine

They are but a few of best of New Zealand has on offer

Our vineyards are small, each vine lovingly tended and the wines are crafted with an artisans touch.

Try out the Wooing Trees Blanc de Noir "Blondie" and fall in love with its sophisticated sassiness.

Or Seresins finely crafted and delicate Pinot Gris, a wine to talk about and with.

Or Carricks off dry Riesling - A good wine with shellfish.

And for a cold day quaffer try the blended red "Robert the Bruce" from Olssens.

The vineyards themselves are places to visit and tarry a while.

Artisan food production is starting to grow as our country seeks to match its good food with our stellar wine.

Try our cheeses - Gibbston, Whitestone and Neudorf are three that have been created to match the wines of their regions. Our favourite is the Neudorf Richmond red.

There are now wine regions tucked into many corners of the South Island - all good all worth a visit and all waiting for you to call, say hello, drink a bit, talk a bit eat a bit, and drink a bit more.

BIG SEXY AUSSIE BISHOP AND THE CHEAP NZ TART

Our best wine discovery of our Adelaide Holiday was undoubtedly our introduction to the Bishop. This is not a rough red - instead it lives up to its elegant moniker. Its a mouthful and in a good way -its  like sipping  liquid velvet. This shiraz  has quite a bit going on, leather and chocolate dominated our inexperienced  snozzer and on the tongue we took to dreaming of black doris plums.

Bloody delicious it was.

We also dined a the superb Jacobs Creek Wine Centre in the Barossa. Their top end wines, especially their racy rieslings are well worth a try but its the restaurant that provided the best memories. Aussies are not afraid to eat their national icon and Kangaroo was a popular dish. We opted to start with prawns with an avocado mousse and then for the main event  -  a huge piece of Angus steak and we were not  disappointed.

Normally we don't opt for this type of  tourist restaurant  but the food was some of the best we have had for a while.  We highly recommend a visit.

The saddest thing we saw, was in a cheap but cheerful and very good brunch joint on the beach. It served Secret Stone. Its the mass produced  sweet, boring as batshit-  no class wine- sold as  NZ sauvignon blanc. Sauvignon plonk more like. Why in the hell are NZ wine makers not learning from the terrible mistakes that the Aussies made by selling cheap rough reds to the UK?

Coincidently Jancis Robinson was interviewed on ABC about just this topic while we were in Adelaide - how Aussies were going to re-establish their wine as a premium brand in the UK after a decade of marketing it on price point.

Some of the Aussies  who were with us asked us about Secret Stone. They didnt think it was up to much and were wondering where it had  come from. Everywhere - we told them. They agreed it was purely a glugable wine - not one to savour.

So to all the wine makers out there  - we know its tough but you are producing some of the finest Sauvignon Blanc in the world. Keep the quality up and the prices up. We don't want to see cheap tart NZ  wine  sold as the elegant lady that we know the NZ Sauvignon wine to be.

Think Bishops  - not tarts.