GIVE A PENGY A CHANCE

Our mates in the VRWC have been joshing with us all day. There have been about 1200 birds killed by the RENA oil slick. Our mates argue that while it seems a lot its not big in the scheme of things. Maybe they are right - they normally are. However we do  think that DOC needs a big thumbs up for co-ordinating the effort to save the pandas of NZ bird world  - The Dotterel. Its a sisyphean task that requires passion and dogged determination in the face of insurmountable odds.

They are funny wee birds that hide on the shore line and put their nests in the silliest of places. The go for bloody miles to find a feed and when the chips are down they will abandon their chicks and its not like they have a big brood - nope they only have a couple  or three at best. 

In essence they wiggled their fluffy arses just enough to make a wee indent in the sand and squeeze out a couple or three bumnuts. But just above the high tide zone is the equivalent of gang riven  Farmers Crescent.  Its hell out there.  All manner of predators  lurk there from skua, stoats and the heavy feet of hairy legged trampers. So what happens if the eggs or chicks get killed? Well the dotterels are persistent - they go and wiggle there wee botties and do it all over again.

So they are as succesful as parents as Sonny Bill Williams would be at trying to maintain a hard on in a locked room with only Helen Clark for company.

We reckon Dotterel  are  winged Pandas because despite the fact that they are deliriously cute, these little feathered moths  that flit almost undetectable on the sandy shore line - need human support to exist. So New Zealand, is  in essence, providing state support for the useless dotterel parents. What do NZ'ers get in return? bugger all as you cant see the wee buggers as they only thing they are much good at is camouflage.  However they would stick out like the balls on a St Bernard against the oil stained sand. 

You see our mates reckon that we have  had a far greater impact on the country's bird population - killing over 40,000 muttonbirds singletoothedly over our lifetime. That is very true. We are of course very old  so its taken nearly half a century to reach that figure. So while we have dispatched a lot of oily birds to eat  - the  RENA's oily slick  hasn't really eaten a lot of birds. 

However, we think that what is really worth saving is the little blue penguin.. The wee pengys never fail to raise a smile either on land or at sea. Gentle wee buggers  - efficient hunters and good mums and dads.  And they apparently taste like crap. 

We like that in a bird.

and what is our favourite Seabird? This one of course-  

The Mollymawk 

There is nothing that comes close to the grace of these birds and their amazing faces. 

They are welcome to come steal my fish anytime. 

SWEDE AS

A vegetable that evokes in us some misty memories of a wonderful childhood has been given its own festival.

We grew up on the Southland Swede. The maroon banded yellow swede that has been livestock fodder since farming began in the south is also a welcome addition to the southern dinner plate.

However, our favourite memory of eating swede was not at the kitchen or dining table, it was in the paddock. As kids we grew up on family sections cut from my Grandfathers farms. So as soon as the sun rose we would be off over the fence to our playground. In the cool months of swede growing we would grab our ponies chuck on a bridle and head to the swede paddock armed only with a pocket knife.

Every kid had a pocketknife.

Then we would wander the swede rows to find a good sized one - not too big or too small and haul it out of the ground. Then we would rub the sticky dirt off on the nearby frosted grass and sit down and carefully peel off the hard outside layer to get at the sweet frost crisped inner glory of the swede and we sit and chomp on it as we would plan our day.

If we did forget our pocket knife we would peel the outer layer off with our teeth. And sometimes the frost rendered our fingers useless for welding a pocket knife so teeth were the only solution.

Our favourite accompaniment to muttonbirds is a baked spud and a big mound of mashed boiled swede seasoned with a bit of salt and pepper and crowned with a big dollup (actually a massive amount) of butter. You need to make a wee well in the swede mound fill it with butter and when its all melty fold into the mash and eat the sweet swede meat.

They also enhance mashed spuds - a dish combining both is known in Scottish parlance as "Neeps and Tatties"

There is nothing like a southland swede even though it is a culinary favourite elsewhere in the world often known as rutabaga - it yumminess probably has something to do with the rich southern earth and hard frosts. We have tried the northern varieties from the supermarket but they are dry and woody and lack the crunchy moist texture of our beloved southland swedey.

So good on Mataura for paying hommage to such a wonderful vege that has played a very significant part in the agrarian landscape of the south.

GROAN

We engaged in some culinary experimentation tonite with muttonbirds.

Not the well known salted muttonbird which is normally cooked by boiling it and replacing the water a few times to get rid of the excess salt.

No, we cooked fresh muttonbirds. They are not brined.

So what did we do?

Well first you have to catch your muttonbird and Bustedblonde did that a while back.

Then you gut it.

Then we did something we have never done before - we boned it out.

We removed the ribs and backbone and breastbones. So all that was left with the bone in were the legs.

Now muttonbirds are very very oily. More on that later...

We lay the bird skin side down on the chopping board.

Then we got some of our favourite salt - its a smoked herbed version and lightly sprinkled it over the meat . Not too much though..

Then we made the stuffing - its a traditional sage and onion stuffing with good old dried mixed herbs.. And a chopped up raw onion. Then we chucked an egg in to bind and then we used Fejoa and Apple juice to moisten...

Then added salt and pepper to taste.

Then we trussed it up .. ( sorry no camera but it look a bit like a mini version of the goose in the pic)

Then we scored the skin with a knife to let the fat out. This is really important.

Then we placed in an open baking dish with about 1/2 a cup of water.

It was pretty hot oven to start them we turned it down a bit and as the water evaporated the oil drained and roasted the birds for about 2 hours.

We took a cup of oil off when they were finished.

Now fresh muttonbirds have a propensity to dry out. Not these babies... They were divine..

Moist, meaty and rich and the bed of potato and swede mash a perfect sweet foil to the richness.

Just wish Busted had caught more of the buggers.

HAMMING IT UP

Wow, we have never been all that jealous of the PM and his goldfish bowl existence but we were today when we found out he had been given the worlds finest ham.   Iberico bellota ham
Crikey. We are greener than Kermit.

What we would do for a slice of that.  Actually we think a lot of people would like a slice of that and pay good money for it..  Could be a bloody good fundraiser

We would even consider swapping one of our prized bucket of muttonbirds for it.. 

Go on John  - its a good swap and we reckon our bucket of muttonbirds would be a bloody good peace offering for those sulky miffed Tuhoe up there in the mist.  We will even help ya cook the birds if you swap us that ham. 

True. 

FEATHERS FLY -

We have had about a dozen emails and texts today asking if  we were involved in the stabbing on  the muttonbird islands on Monday. A bloke ( yes we know who he is ) was stabbed by another bloke ( and we know him as well and we dont like him. ) 


Guns  and often alcohol are banned on most islands. But as knives are pretty integral to the processing of the birds  - its no surprise  that they would be used as weapons in an argument. The island where the altercation occurred is about an hours journey by boat from our island.

It was apparently an argument about muttonbirds.  We laughed out loud at this statement by an Invercargill copper.

He was flown directly to Southland Hospital where he underwent surgery and was expected to be released today, said Detective Dougall Henderson of Invercargill police.

Access to the isolated islands is restricted to Rakiura Maori, who harvest muttonbirds - also known as sooty shearwaters - there, but police were granted clearance to fly to the island and a boning knife was recovered, he said.

A 49-year-old man was arrested and now faces serious assault charges.

The men had been muttonbirding together, but had a falling out over birds.

"Muttonbirds, not the other type," Mr Henderson said.

Hell, over the years  birders have fought over boundaries, catches, and just for the hell of it -   but women??? Nah. Never.


It will be interesting if the prize  wanker who was arrested will be allowed back on the island.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS

Its 12.30 am and its cold, there is a southerly blowing, and in two hours at 2.30am we will be off on the trip to our muttonbird island Just out from pegasus to the south east of stewart Island. The son and I are travelling on our cousins boat - the Awesome (spelt with an A) . We will be travelling west - about - in short that means the long way. Past Codfish. past Doughboy and Flowercast.

Then we get a bit of a treat. The  Stewart Island Helicopter piloted by Jason Wright will take us from the Big South Cape, and fly over Flowercast down Pegasus and land on the top of our island, which is pretty much half way between South Cape and Noble Island on the map.
Then the Awesome will arrive at the island a few hours later and the helicopter will return to Bluff to pick up ma and pa and drop them off and load our gear onto Ernest  island.  Which is not the Ernest Island outside Doughboy.

Then the fun begins.

This year the birds are big and plentiful.

Yum.

FAT ASS CHICKS

We have been asked by quite a few people what the muttonbirds are like after a disasterous year last year.

Well our cuzzy Storm Wardrop, a star of Million Dollar Catch reckons they are big assed mommas. An average season means you get about 20 to a bucket - At this stage of the season if they are really big they would be about 15- 16   a bucket as they fine down as they lose their chick fat - so by the time we get there you should average about 20 a bucket..

However Storm says the birds are very big - the birders can only fit 13 in a bucket!... Yikes.....