SOUTH AUSTRALIA SIGHTS

CREEP OF THE WEEK

So the gremlin of Paretai Drive reckons he cant afford to live on $1000 a week? Whatever.

Time to make do. Muriel Newman put out an excellent book on budgeting a few years back.

And here are some handy hints on how to live on $1000 a week.

• Make your own brekky, lunch and dinner.
• Clean your own toilet.
• Do the dishes by hand .
• Turn off the spa pool.
• Shop at Pak and Save
• Take the bus.
• Sell all the clothes you dont wear on Trademe - in fact any spare stuff - like breitling watches, your missus sparklers, would be good.
• Get your missus to dye her own hair at home.
• You could do her brazilian and pluck her chin hairs.
• shampoo the dog your self.

Thats just a few for starters..

COD WAS WILLING

YAY! Sense over silliness. . Cod is great. Cod is love, and Cod can be caught in Marlborough Sounds again. Well done Phil Heatley. Trust in the community. They will do whats best.

A victory for good sense and community responsibility

WAIROA - A TOWN OF THE WALKING DEAD

Sometimes we need to be very brave in life and face the reality of our situation and make some hard calls. Wairoa is a tough town. Its almost 50% Maori.

The council decided to face up to the ugly reality that the towns gang culture was killing their kids.

They were going to ban patches after seeing the impact that a gang patch ban had in Wanganui.

But did they hang tough? No. It seems that the council got railroaded by the "good folk" of the town.

Leave the gangs alone they said. Mayor Les Probert says that the problem was that most of the towns large Maori population had gang connections so they did not want a ban on gang patches.

So the Maori leaders of Wairoa are saying that they support the gangs. That gangs are okay. that gangs rule.

And as Wairoa knows - when gangs rule - they kill.

Lets get this right folks. Maori have no business protecting gangs - gangs tikanga (lore or way of doing things) is not Maori tikanga. Its Gang culture. Not Maori culture. Stealing killing, selling drugs are not traditional Maori practices.

Banning the patches sends one single powerful message. Gangs are not normal.

But instead Wairoa has bent over and handed the gangs the vaseline.

The simple truth is that Wairoa as a town needed to make the hard call. Face up to the reality and say no more to the gangs. Maori leaders needed to stand up and say that their tikanga is more important that that of the gangs.

Instead they are now collectively culpable for the next youth death in the town.

SECURITIES COMMISSION NEEDLED BY CACTUS

Cactus has yet again shown her literary genius.

While her piss take of the Hanover issue is outstanding , we think that Hanover are a complete bunch of greedy and immoral pricks and they deserve everything that the Securities Commission can chuck at them - even if it does take a while.

Cactus is none too kind on the legal profession either.

If you read nothing else today - read Cactus's letter from Chaos and Mayhem. The legal firm everyone would really like to hire.

TA TIPENE BACK AT THE TABLE BUT CHOKING ON HANOVER PIE?

There is a very good chance that Sir Tip is going to sitting round the big tribal Te Runanga O Ngai Tahu table again as the alternate delegate for the Awarua Runanga.

We are a bit gobsmacked that the southern cuzzies have not thought through the whole succession planning issue. Maria Pera has been at the table pretty much since the Te Runanga O Ngai Tahu was formed. However our understanding is that the Bluff runanga wanted some fresh meat and looked for a new face as an alternate delegate whom Maria could train up to take over. Instead they got some really old sinewy tough as an old boot over done mutton chop. However, despite Mark Solomon being Tipenes protege, they no longer share a deep affection for each other, so Tipene's occasional presence at the table wont do Mark any favours.

We also think that with todays announcement that Mark Hotchin of Hanover fame has had his assets frozen, that Tipene will be a little distracted. He was apparently the chair of the Hanover audit committee.

Watch that space.

ODE TO FARK

FARRK IS FORKED

We blogged about the beautiful melanesian ring necked pheasant that had set up shop on our place. He was lovely to have around. However things have changed. Over the past three weeks he has become increasingly territorial and aggressive. He also gives our poor wee feather duster silkie chooks arseholes.

The bastard has gone psycho and very unpredictable. One minute he is very laid back then he just suddenly attacks. We have tried everything but now he has even decided he can come inside the house. The water hose deters him for a bit but then you will walk around the corner of the shed and theres the bugger.

I have a hole in my leg where he attacked me and I cant bend down in the garden without him flying at me. They fly at you feet forward so the hole in my leg was either from his claws or spurs.

As we have kids around from time to time , its time for Farrk to go to that great casserole in the sky.

Tonight, sadly will be his last.

And this is not a rare occurance as this story shows.

Shame as he really is a priddy boy..

SHUCKS

Its interesting to know just who reads the blog sometimes. Yesterday we got a handwritten Xmas card from a Cabinet Minister. It was addressed to Roarprawn. It said we were " a breath of fresh air" and they read us cos they liked to know what we were thinking.

Thanks for that. Its nice to know that someone who is making our country a better place appreciates us.

BEST BLONDE JOKE OF 2010 - FOR BUSTEDBLONDE

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "

'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

OUT IN THE COLD AND STILL HOT

Poor Charles. The iccky WikiLeaks scandal has snared him. He is the schmoozer and groover about the beltway whom the Americans relied heavily on for good goss.

And be rest assured, Charles is well known for having the very best of goss. If he doesn't know about it - it didn't happen.

He is the insiders insider.

So bloody what.

The whole Wiki leaks stuff is quite disturbing. Not so much for the few bits that are seriously interesting and indeed scary , like the Saudi's being shit scared of Iran but of the share banality of the rest of the stuff.

And as for Nicky Hagars boring as batshit story. He writes like a spy - all subtle ooh and ahhing. He intersperses his biased opinion of others opinions ( thats what the cables are) to give us greater insight. What we end up with is a sleezy story that for insiders and those close to them tells us nothing we didn't already know.

IF Wikileaks has done anything its that it has has degraded the diplomatic corps by showing that they trade in gossip and innuendo as much as fact.

Its like they collectively put together the pieces of a big jigsaw but trouble is they arent always picking the pieces from the same box. So it can be all a bit whiffy.

So what did Finny do that was bad? Nothing really. He is a trade expert and has a vast network of contacts. That is fact. He is happy to share his knowledge and is always ready with an opinion. That is fact.

He is a spy. Thats the bit that is rubbish.

In fact if Charles Finny is a spy then everyone who used to drink at Beaujolais was one too.

BLOODY RIGHT COBBA

A great rendition of a true Aussie Classic.. for Te Thorpie for Xmas....

WAHINE TOA

Four good Maori women now occupy Ministerial positions. They are all very unique women who are making a solid contribution to building a better NZ. We never had that sort of representation of Maori women in Cabinet under any other administration. Its a testament to John Key that he is happy to surround himself with " do the business" sheilas.

Arohanui John .

MAORI TROUGHING DEBUNKED?

We were sent this press release and report that details the shock horror probe details of a big dust up in Tainui.

Seems that the King - -is not just a titular head but has the power to intervene in the management of the tribes fast growing businesses.

The report makes for very interesting reading not just for Tainui but for Ngai Tahu as well. It seems Ngai Tahu's Kaiwhakahaere Mark Solomon is way higher paid than the Tainui leaders.

Begs the question really. Why?

Here is the substantive statement by Tainui.

Naccurate Report Damaging to Tribal Reputation

ROUND UP

Has to be Cactus's almost scholarly take on the finance companies debacle.

Best Column has to be Frans here on her sagely advice to John Key

And Matthew Hooton's excellent take on the unlocked potential of SOE's - as a columnist he is going from strength to strength.

And we were delighted with TransTasmans excellent assessment of Clare Curran. She is an ex PR Hack but according to the literary scribes on the TT team her press releases are incomprensible. Apparently she is loathed by the Labour caucus. If she thinks we are making that up - a question for Clare. Where do you think that TransTasman gets its info? Oh yes thats right - your colleagues! Sucks to be you Clare.