Friday, 16 October 2009

BOB JONES - GOBSHITE.


Today we ended up having a bite to eat and a sip of wine with a few mates down at Arbitrageur...

We spied Columnist Deborah Coddington - her legal beagle bloke Colin and some old duffer whom we didn't immediately recognise, as he is a bit wizened these days, who turned out to be Bob Jones.

Anyway there was a bit of sunshine when we walked to the restaurant so we put on our favourite Pilgrim sunnies.. Treasures they are, all set about with diamantes... Lovely trailer trash specs.

Anyway we took em off and put them on the table.. In the course of the lunch some people came and went and we shifted from one end of the table for 8 to the other... Realising that forgetting our portholes was a possibility we propped them on our head so we would not lose 'em.

We were just minding our business when Jones passed our table on his way out, stopped and hissed... He had an obsessive glint in his eye.We have seen that glint before in rest homes when Alzheimic old farts get all confused and ratty.

Jones fixed his beady eyes on Busted Blonde and blathered on for a minute or so...

He reminded us of the old priest in Father Ted who used to yell out Feck..
Jones just mumbled and all we heard was mumble mumble Sunglasses! mumble , mumble sunglasses!

Like some ancient tourettes sufferer..

Coddington pushed him on gently as you would an old fart with diminished senses and sensibility.

Ratty he was, like seriously batty and ratty.

Well we find nothing socially unacceptable about propping your sunglasses on your head for safe keeping. However we do find it particularly bad form for a total stranger to stare like a mad thing, froth at the mouth and obsess over trivial issues.. We wondered if he had too much of the glorious snapper pie and got a wee bit of indigestion. Or maybe he had medication issues.

But no its much simpler than that .

Apparently the old coot has a well documented obsession with sunglasses on peoples heads and cellphones.

So all you young lovelies out there if you ever get to bed the old tosser, leave your specs at home and turn your cellphone on silent...

Otherwise he might smack your bottom..




16 comments:

Monty said...

He is a grumpy old prick and your anology is perfect - he believes that everyone should live their life according to his view of the world. Of course if you were a catholic (with suitable symbol on chain around neck) wearing grey shoes, talking on your cell phone, with an Irish accent then he probably would have come over and decked you like he so famously (and correctly) did to that reporter in the mid 1980s.

big bruv said...

Every once in a while I am reminded why Sir Bob Jones is a national treasure.

Keep up the good work Sir Bob, you have many supporters out here in the real world.

LAMBCUT said...

Amusing though the incident was with hindsight, it was unpleasant at the time to see BB randomly harassed by a total stranger for no particular reason. Lambcut thought Jones was more like Sideshow Bob; the deeply disturbed Simpsons cartoon character. His minders should not take the nasty, obnoxious old clown out in public if he can't behave himself.

Dave said...

You sure it was Bob Jones and not Cactus Kate in drag?

LAMBCUT said...

Big Bruv: If you think being in the "real world" consists of harassing women who carry cell phones or who put their glasses on their heads, then you are not in the real world. You are in a wee world of your own having a wee wank.

Anonymous said...

"He is a grumpy old prick and your anology is perfect - he believes that everyone should live their life according to his view of the world"

Hopefully not Monty since he is a property tycoon worth hundreds of millions of dollars so if others adopted his particular world view they may be just as successful.

And Lambcut, I've listened to the conversations of women who have a tendency to overuse their cell phones and wear sunnies on their head and come away rather disturbed at their particular world.

Have these people ever picked up a book in their lives that didn't have pictures instead of text?

LAMBCUT said...

My dear sweet (brave?) ANONYMOUS, just like BB, I wear sunnies on the top of my head from time to time when commonsense and convenience indicates that action. Being a lawyer I have read a book or two in my life. Whilst I adore the visual arts, I prefer text to pics as a form of instant digital communication.

You present as very sweet old fashioned fellow. And, I am sure you have mastered the art of a wee wank all by yourself, but I doubt if you have mastered a Blackberry. I strongly suspect that able attractive women “disturb” you – and not in a good way. Having been convicted out of your own mouth, I am certain that you have never been man enough to master one of those.

LAMBCUT said...

A PS to brave Anonymous:

You boast about Sideshow Bob's dough, as though it were a defense to his bad conduct. I don't want to get into a pissing competition about something as crass as who’s got what, but, just to clarify things, whilst I am not in the same league as Sideshow Bob himself; I am not short of a bob or two either. So, you can trust me on this, (and Sideshow’s conduct is also an excellent illustration of the point), money is not the measure.

Tinman said...

Good to hear the great Sir "Bob" Jones is still doing god's work.

A genuine national treasure.

Dave said...

You women dish it out but can't take it. Cactus Kate is known for drunkenly abusing men who disagree with her at bloggers drinks and on her blog, and BB often insults anyone and everyone on this very blog.

Grow up.

Anonymous said...

"but I doubt if you have mastered a Blackberry."

LOL You base your superiority over others by the possession of something which forces you to be at the beck and call of your employer 24/7?

What a tool.

I suppose as lawyers are servants to entreprenuers like Bob Jones your attitude is fitting.

"I strongly suspect that able attractive women “disturb” you – and not in a good way. "

Yes they do disturb me by their vacuity. But I'm ever the optimist maybe I'll meet one with an actual brain but I doubt it. Beauty fades darling so you'd better cultivate whatever other 'talents' you have.

LAMBCUT said...

Cheek bone height and facial symmetry are not connected to IQ, you silly boy. For the record, I don't own a blackberry, and I am self employed.

Anonymous said...

Mmm 'silly boy' eh.

Nothing like an over-the-hill MILF on the drunken hunt to make ones nights. Just don't tell your mates about her.

Lambcut?

More like mutton dressed as lamb.

LAMBCUT said...

Last word from Lambcut on the topic. There has already been more than enough keyboard strokes and fun filled argy bargy wasted on a misogynous limp dicked half brained old asshole like Sideshow. You don't count, Anon.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to see you go muttonchops.

Don't let the door hit your sizable ass on the way out

Anonymous said...

Nooo!

Please come back lambskank!